It's going to be one of those days. My computer is slow, my coffee is not as hot as it normally is, the towels I put in the dryer last night needed about 15 more minutes and now need to be rewashed, I'm sure to spend the day arguing with a grounded 12 year old (why do we ground our kids? It is the ultimate parent punishment) and my sister, who is supposed to be flying in from Houston for our family Christmas, is not coming due to a sick child. Oh yes, and did I mention that I won't be doing my Wednesday run this morning?
BINGO. There is the reason that the world around me seems to be going south (side note... I have to say that if these are the worst of my problems, I've got it pretty good. And they are. And I do. And now that I've acknowledged that, I'm allowed to throw a tantrum in my blog). Contrary to the way I may come across here, I do know how to keep things in perspective. I also realize that I can look at things completely differently based on my mood, which is currently dictated by my frustrating injury... THAT YES, I KEEP RUNNING ON, OK? (Do you I think I'm a bit paranoid about what thoughts people are having with each sentence I write?) I imagine if I had gone out this morning and had a kick-ass, fast paced, fabulous run with my friends, this entry would go something like this... "Yay, my slow computer is allowing me a couple of minutes to put clean laundry away while I wait. Starbucks really should market luke warm coffee because this stuff is GOOOOD. Thank goodness the whole load of towels needs to be rewashed because I forgot one and now I don't have to feel bad about wasting water. Can't wait to spend quality time with that 12 year old of mine... it's been a long time. Maybe we can play a super long game of Monopoly and have some bonding time. And too bad Mag can't come, but at least I don't have to rush to the grocery store today." I can almost guarantee that at least part of that is true. I think we all do it. When our moods are lifted, life is never "that bad". When we are grumpy, everything downright sucks. And I'm here to tell you that today, everything downright sucks.
For the first time in a couple of years, I find myself without a training goal. Even in between training cycles, I've always known what is next. I do not know what is next right now. My immediate goal is to have this calf heal. I don't even know what the hell is wrong with it anymore. I think the stress fracture has healed and that there are other things awry in there. It's a different feeling. More aching and soreness, than the sharp bolt of the fracture. The muscle is sore. I have no clue. Just try to google "calf running injuries" and see what comes up. There is achilles tendonitis, calf muscle strains and tears, stress fractures, micro muscle tears and many, many others. I feel like I'm chasing my tail trying to figure out how to expedite healing.... the never ending cycle of icing, massaging and medicating continues. But deep down in my stubborn, bull-headed brain, a voice screams... "IT WILL GET BETTER IF YOU JUST GIVE IT TIME." Screw you, brain. I know that. But when my qualifying marathon training has started, I don't have time to let you heal and do what is necessary, ok? You need to respond the way I am asking you to with all these interventions I'm doing and allow me to train with a terrific group of goal-oriented, motivated and committed runners. Sure, no problem, Kate.
Man how I wished it worked that way.
The more out of control the situation, the more I try to control. Just ask Sarah, who received quite a few e-mails from me yesterday coaxing her to sign up for the Chicago Marathon (FYI... registration opens next week I think and this one fills quickly). I then gave her a laid out plan of which marathons we'd be doing in the next couple of years and in what order. It made me feel better momentarily to make myself believe that this would all unfold the way I want it too. Maybe it will, but maybe it won't. Boston sure didn't for me. Life can be funny about the turns it takes.
My friends Jen and Tammy are beginning their training for the Flying Pig. This will be Tammy's first full marathon and Jen is after a BQ. We were going to be doing much of our training together. Pushing each other along and providing the much needed comraderie and support that such a huge task requires. Jen, no doubt, will get what she is after. This sparks a whole new gamut of feelings for me. And I have told her this. Jen has come a long way in a short time. She is a terrific runner and will continue to get better. She is committed to reaching her goal AND has the confidence necessary to achieve it. Being someone that truly loves to see someone fall in love with running, work their ass off and reap the rewards, I love watching what is happening to Jen. However, watching her get what she is after on her first attempt will be a little hard for me. Not because of jealousy (ok, maybe a little), but more the feeling of "by now this should be so EASY for me. I should be getting BQ's in my sleep with every marathon given all the hours, weeks, months and years I've put into training and based on the way I run just for the hell of it. With all this training, my goal SHOULD by now be running a sub 3:30 marathon." That is why it will be hard. Also, I've envisioned the finish line with a qualifying time over and over and at times, I swear, I could just feel what it would be like. Jen will actually experience that feeling in May. I told Jen that I do want her to succeed at the Pig this May. She has already won half the battle and that is because she KNOWS she can do it. I told her this is something that took me three marathons to get. And that mind-altering attitude is what certainly allowed me to finish in Columbus (although I told Sarah that these days I'm wondering if pushing through all that for a non-qualifying time was worth the shit it has caused with this calf).
So now perhaps my job has become to see to it that she is successful. I certainly have a lot of knowledge on what workouts are necessary for speed. Maybe this is the "now what?" answer. Jen hates track work, but I think it's a must (or speed work in general) I told her that even if I'm not running, I'll meet her at the track, time her repeats for her if she wants. I'll meet her on top of Marvin road or Sandusky for the life sucking hill repeats and encourage her to push herself hard up those hills.... and run them with her when I can (yep, that's called double dipping). And although I've yet to reach my BQ goal, I think I can provide Jen some insight into what is needed to achieve it. After all, John says that some of the best coaches in the world have never played the game.
No pressure, Jen, but now you HAVE to do it.
No comments:
Post a Comment