Just when I think I have all the answers, growth happens and I am forced to look a little deeper inward at my Boston quest. I'm telling you, pretty soon I'm going to flip inside-out I have gone so deep. First with Deb's "dangling carrot" comment, which spark a long blog entry, and now this. I am in a book store yesterday and I receive a text from John saying he read something interesting and thought it applied to me and my running goals and in some ways, to everyone. It was a quote by Thoureau which said "Many men go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after." I texted him back "So am I not after a BQ?" And he responds "Only you can answer that, grasshopper." To which I replied "You are a NERD!" Really, it is Friday night and I am having this philosophical texting conversation with my husband while in a book store. I'd say there were more than running that needed to be re-evaluated! I guess one of these days, this idea will need to be explored, but for now, let's revisit the summer.
I spent the weeks following the Flying Pig Marathon angry and absorbed in self-pity. And why shouldn't I have? I had trained so hard for that marathon and really deserved a victorious race that resulted in my qualifying for Boston. The first week after the marathon, I nursed the pulled hamstring. I was told not to do ANYTHING on it. No elliptical, no biking, nothing. My first run was on Mother's Day. I met my friend, Kim, at the park and we hit the outer loop and decided perhaps 5 miles was enough. I was very pleased at how well things held up. The hamstring felt "tight", but not painful. I wore John's old soccer brace for his hamstring (he pulled his hamstrings all the time in high school and college and was pretty terrific at telling me what to do in order to get back out there quickly) and things felt stable. I took it rather easy for the next couple of weeks... no hard running or speed work. Before I knew it, I seemed to be back to normal. It bears saying that I strongly considered running a marathon in early June (somewhere in Indiana I think... can't remember the details). I figured I was trained already and I had only run a bit over 8 miles at the Pig and my hamstring was holding up and I could go get my BQ without anyone knowing what I was doing. Just go get it, come home and DONE! The thought was fleeting and quickly dismissed when I was running Race for the Cure in Columbus with Krista in mid May and felt the tightness that made me realize "What the Hell are you even setting yourself up for?" I put the idea out of my head.
The idea of anxiety and tension causing my race disaster was introduced. I was given a book to read called "Running Within... A guide for mastering the body-mind-spirit connection for ultimate training and racing." Ok, anything that has a title like that I used to dismiss immediately. It just sounded so crazy and out there, but I decided to give it a shot. I began to read the book and found an incredible amount of parallels between what was being said in the book and in my own running and racing performances. There was a small paragraph in the beginning of the book that caught my eye and peaked my interest:
"Many of you are interested in running as a means of learning more about who you are and what you are made of, particularly when your realities shrink to a dime at mile 22 of a marathon and you are called upon to dig deep to see what you have left. Running the roads, you begin to come across newer roads, the roads to self-discovery. The race itself becomes a road to spiritual awareness as you explore the meaning of all aspects of life and focus on your problems, concerns, joys and fortunes. This exploratory experience not only creates the opportunity to become a better runner, but also grow as person."
And so began the basis for my marathon training. Finding out just how much I had left when my body said there was nothing. I began exploring my potential to go beyond self-imposed limitations. The more I read, the more I "practiced" this. Getting to the point where I'd normally slow down or ease up on a run when it got really tough and pushing beyond that feeling. The first time I'd actually practiced this in a race was in early June at the Little Miami Triathlon. Sarah and I had partnered up for this race twice before. Each time, we placed impressively. The first time we got 5th place in the female team division out of 75 teams. The second time, we got 2nd out of 80 teams or something like that. Sarah does not do second place very well... especially when it was a mere 42 seconds that prevented us from a first place finish. She decided to enter the triathlon the following year with Ryan Stroud and see what they could do. Ryan is also a fierce competitor and very hard core when it comes to training. That following year, they placed 5th in the male/female division and in the fall, placed 2nd. Damn! Same as the two of us. They decided to give it one last try and go for first place the next year (2010). Unfortunately, Ryan became injured while training for the Pig and just was unable to train for the triathlon. Sarah found this out rather late and 3 weeks before the race posted this on the FB running club wall: "Looking to give away an entry in the Morgan's triathlon or for a partner who wants to go for a first place finish." I took the bait. I called her and said I'd do it. Now honestly, I'm not sure how she felt about this. This was only a couple of weeks following the marathon and she was hell bent on first place. But the run was only 5.5 miles and I was already running that. We'd do the canoe together and the rest was biking. I told her that I knew we could get first this time. She must have believed it (or didn't want to crush my fragile ego at the time) and changed the entry to female/female.
The morning of the race brought a delay in our start time. I guess the race director felt lightening while canoeing might prove a bit unsafe. We were delayed an hour. As we sat there waiting to begin and chatting, I decided not to mention the fact that my quads were a bit fried from the spinning class (which I was new to) on Friday morning as well as the indoor soccer game I'd played that same night. I was also new to indoor soccer and my fast twitch "sprint" muscles were also. So two new activities done 2 days prior to a triathlon in which I pretty much promised my friend a first place finish, was probably not smart. But here we were and now it was time to dig deep and deliver... oh yeah, and not mention it to Sarah.
We decided I'd be in the front of the canoe and she'd be in back. Upon entering she tells me that when she and Ryan did the canoe, she was on her knees, kneeling on her life jacket, giving herself a more powerful stroke. "Uh, that's nice, Sarah. No thanks on taking off my life jacket after the storm we just had." However, I did get on my knees and paddled like a fool. So to keep myself steady, I had to employ the use of my quads, which were supporting my upper body. Remember, they are really sore.
We hammered out the canoe portion pretty well. I think we have always made a darn good team on this part of the race. We did get turned around once, but very quickly got back on track. Following the canoe, was the run. Sarah took off... remember, it is our combined score that counts so we never stay together. As I began running, my quads felt sore and heavy. But now so did my back and shoulders from the 50 minute or so canoe portion. Ok, I had 5.5 miles to run and run fast. I hurt and it was warm out. How was I going to do this. I began to call upon things I had read. To put them into practice and get through the run. I kept telling myself that I would run until my legs literally buckled. I would have to collapse before I would choose to walk. I told myself that Sarah never would have agreed to take me on as a partner if she thought for a minute that I wasn't capable and that she came here to get first and retire from this race for good. I was going to push beyond the point I normally would decide to stop and walk. I noticed as all these thoughts are going through my head that I was getting passed by no one (ok, I think 2 guys did end up passing me.. but no girls) and that I was actually passing quite a few people. This mental boost seemed to give me some physical strength. Before I knew it, I was at "killer hill".. the ridiculously wooded and steep incline to my bike. I made it up the hill, got to my bike, chugged some Gatorade and took off. Now I only had 1/3 of the race to complete. The miles clicked by and my God, I was tired. But I was bound and determined to give everything. I had never, ever raced like this before. It defied logic to be peddling when my legs felt the way they did. I finished the race and after stopping my watch, I looked at it for the first time since we had started. I figured I'd finished maybe a couple of minutes ahead of the last time when we got second place, which was right at 3 hours and 1 minute. I knew I'd broken 3, and when I looked down, my watch read 2:41. I was stunned. How the Hell did I just do that? Hardly any cycling, other that a couple of spinning classes, and sore legs. How did I just knock off 20 minutes? Well the canoe helped. The river level was high and the water was moving and that makes a big difference, but still. The river level was high and the water moving the first time we raced and my time was exactly 3 hours. I had knocked off 19 minutes. Sarah also got her PR at that race. She clocked an impressive 2:29. We were both really excited about our times. Sarah even said "I don't care if we got first or not. We did AWESOME!" Excuse me? Now I was thinking "We BETTER have gotten first place. That is exactly why I just beat the living shit out of myself." After returning home and checking the computer constantly, the results were in. First place in the female/female division..... SARAH HEFFRON/KATE REWWER. The second place female team's combined score was 8 minutes slower. Wow! That is a huge lead. Had Sarah and I both clocked a 2:41, we would have gotten second place... so thanks Sarah!
That experience really shaped the way I trained for Columbus this past summer. It made me realize that you usually always have more to give and that changing your mindset really does alter your performance. I plan to do the Morgan's tri again in June. Sarah has said she has "retired". That after doing it nine times, she got her first place finish and was not doing it again. This proves problematic for me because she is a great canoe partner. So here is what I've told her.... I will use John as my partner since I think the two of us would do great in the canoe also. My goal will be to see how much time I can shave off in a year... with more cycling, strength training and speed work under my belt. I will also make sure I go into the race with rested legs. I know we won't place in the male/female division (unless John trains like a beast for six months.. which is unlikely), but I just may be able to shave off 13 minutes, making my PR for that race a 2:28 (or less). I'm sure Sarah is mature enough to be totally fine with my Morgan's PR being better than hers, right Sarah? Looking forward to you coming out of retirement soon!
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