Saturday, December 31, 2011

One last bad mood post for the year!

I must say, I'm not leaving 2011 and entering into 2012 in the best of spirits.  I think I can attribute it to sheer exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed.  Our family finally wrapped up the Christmas celebrations on the 29th.  This year John and I hosted 34 people (20 of them being 13 and under) and all went well despite John coming down with some lingering virus this week.  I feel bad.  He was not feeling the love from me at all and I could go on and on about how it figured he'd get sick and I'd have to do ALL the work for the party and host my sister's family of 5 from Houston.  He says the day he enters Hospice care, he's as good as dead with the way I treat him when he's sick.  Give me a little credit though... he DOES pick the world's shittiest time to get sick and the thermometer in his mouth every hour makes me nuts!  It's like "Ok, you have a temperature.  Who cares if it is 99 or 100?  Why do you keep checking it?"  But despite feeling lousy all week, the man went to work, plowed through the party and stayed up to clean up afterward so I didn't wake up to a disaster zone.  Ok, I just realized what a total bitch I am after I wrote that last sentence.  Sorry, John.  I promise not to get irritated with you when you are in Hospice.  Can you just please make it when you are in your late 90s?  Chances are we ain't hosing NOTHIN' at that point!

The day of the party, my house consisted of 7 children and 3 adults in the house while I prepared.  The cleaning had mostly been done throughout the week so it wasn't too bad having everyone around.  This year I had to let go a little.  When I prepare for  a party like this, I like my house empty of mess-making children and to be by myself.  It wasn't going to happen this year.  I had to decide not to go ape-shit about the little toys scattered about throughout the day.  I had to decide this early or it would have been a very bad day.  The kids were good, my sister and brother in law were helpful and all went well... as I knew it would.  And the best part is that I don't have to do it again for 4 more years!

So what's the deal with the mood?  Well I think it's because I feel like shit physically.  Not only am I tired, but I've eaten nothing but crap and feel like crap.  My roots are obnoxious, eyebrows bushy, face broken out and toenails in need of some serious attention.  Most people take care of these things before they are going to a holiday get together.  I honestly haven't had time to do any of it.  My running is going well, though I'm not getting in the miles I long for and I haven't had a good solo run in a long time.  Much as I do love running with others, I crave solo runs.  It always amazes me how different runners are.  Some runners won't run without company.  Others only like to run alone.  As I've said before, I'm a bit of both.  I loved training for the ultra.  Most days it was just me and whatever pace hit me that day.  No pre-scheduled pace for the day, no worrying about distance or route or anything else.  Simply lacing up and running and running and running. I miss it a lot.  What mattered in ultra training was time on feet.  What matters in marathon training with a time goal is pace, distance, hills or no hills and a lot of other things.  I'm finding this less and less appealing as time goes on.

So as I look back on 2011, I'd say the biggest thing I've learned is that sometimes we are led down a different path to discover that what we thought we loved and cared about so much isn't what we love and care about at all.  Yes I am racing the Flying Pig and yes, I'll do my best to nail that qualifying time that has eluded me thus far.  Maybe this is a bad attitude to have when starting a new goal.  But I don't think it is.  I'm certain I can do it and I want to do it, otherwise I wouldn't.  The difference is that now it won't be the big deal it once was if the BQ doesn't happen.  It amazes me how much even my blog entries have changed over a year's time on this subject.  Someone could read this and say "but you said 10 months ago that you'd NEVER stop trying and it's what you really, REALLY wanted", and to that I'd say that you are correct... I DID say that.  And at that time, I felt that way.

And at the time I ran some of Burning River with Jack, I said I'd NEVER do a 100 miler either...

Here's to an awesome 2012!  

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Full Circle

Today my first born is a teenager.  That is right... my kid keeps getting older and somehow, I do not.  Strange how I can still be that 26 year old lying in that labor bed wondering if my baby was a boy or girl... a Hannah Catherine or a Nicholas August and meanwhile those years just continue to tick by and Will (who obviously was neither a Hannah nor a Nicholas) gets older.

I am not what I would consider overly sentimental when it comes to my kids growing up.  I don't cry (too much) when they go to preschool or kindergarten.  As a matter of fact, I was recently given a survey by the kids' school about kindergarten preference for Lucy.  Would I want 3 days a week full day or 5 days a week full day?  I hope they don't think I'm a horrible mother when they see the comment "How about adding weekends as well?"  I mean sure, seeing my youngest off to kindergarten closes a long time chapter in my life of having a child home with me for the past 13 years, but it also opens up an entirely new chapter as well.  And I enjoy watching my kids grow and develop and reach new milestones.  I don't grieve what they once were but rather embrace who they are morphing into.... most of the time... when they are not acting like shit heads.  And since I am not getting older, there is no reason to be sad!

But this boy turning 13 is different.  I find myself flashing back to the first time I saw him, heard him cry and held him.  His giant toddler looking hands were the first thing I noticed when he was born.  I distinctly remember his cry as NOT annoying like some babies (damn good thing because it is ALL he did for 6 months straight, when he switched from cry baby to grumpy baby who only ever wanted momma).  He was loved and spoiled by all.  He was the first grandchild for John's parents and the second for mine, but the only in town.  As a toddler, he quickly learned that his parents had a quirky sense of humor and he developed one as well.  He formed a deep bond with my sister Maggie, who lived in Columbus for a while when we did.  He could not say "Maggie" and pronounced it "Geek", which was so perfect... and stuck.  She is simply Aunt Geek or Geekie as my kids call her.  Even John has said "Did you talk to Geek today?" It's just as normal as ever.... and ever so fitting :)

As Will has grown, I have noticed that he lacks a terrific amount of self confidence.  It really is interesting as he also acts like a know-it-all so much of the time.  I am learning that the two go hand in hand.  I try to get him to see what I see... a funny boy with a hugely generous heart who is also sensitive and sweet (except when he is evil to his siblings).  Some of the acts of kindness I have witnessed him doing literally take my breath away.  We never go downtown without Will bringing some of his money to divvy out to people with cardboard signs.  We nearly went broke in Chicago with Will handing out money left and right.  He even boxed up part of his lunch and gave it to a beggar sitting outside the restaurant.  Will cannot stand to see anyone suffer.  He makes me want to be a better person.  And I must say I am a better person simply because I am his mother.

He is currently training with John to run the Cincinnati Mini Heart Half Marathon at the end of March.  Now this has been amazing to watch.  You see, Will is an extremely lazy kid when it comes to doing anything physical.  He's got an excuse and an ailment for everything and it drives me crazy.  But this has been different.  He has been running almost every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday with John.  He always has the option of opting out and yet, he never has.  He is up to a long run of now 7 miles and doing very well.  I know that he is experiencing what every runner does when they exceed a distance they never thought they could run.  It is very hard to explain.  Running is very hard but yet unbelievably rewarding and satisfying and it boggles my mind that it is clicking for him this soon.

Maybe 13 is hitting me a little harder because at 13, Will is learning what took me 35 plus years to figure out (weird because I'm only 26).  That with hard work, patience, consistency and determination, you can achieve what you once considered unachievable.  I know he is proud of himself.  I told John the other day that he seems different to me.  He is calmer than normal (or gee, maybe he is just tired).  He is not as argumentative as he once was and he seems a little more willing to do chores without so much complaining.  I'm telling you, it's the running!

With just a year and a half until he hits high school, I thank God that this kid is learning the value of setting a goal and going after it, no matter how hard it is.  I think he is really focused on the outcome and what that will be like for him to do a half marathon.  And it's enough to keep him running when he is tired and when it is cold out.  And for me, it is the abrupt reminder that he is indeed growing up and that I have much to do with who he is becoming.

And there is nothing more rewarding in my running life than that.  It is not the medals, the PRs or the accomplishment of doing something for the first time that fill me with as much joy as seeing the main reason I do what I do coming full circle.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Forrest Grump

I'm running a 5k today.  Maybe.  I haven't decided and since it's only 6:07 and the race is at 10, it's anyone's guess whether I will or not.  Yesterday it was a definite.  Today, not so much.  So what's the problem?  What's the big deal?  Why or why wouldn't I do it?

For starters, I haven't raced a 5k in 10 months.  The one I raced 10 months ago was a PR and that was coming off of an injury.  I haven't done any consistent speed work in 6 months.  Sure, I've run a few fast miles here and there, but really, to get accomplished what I was after this year, I had to slow it down.  Now I'm back to the speed thing and the stupid mind games that come with that have resurfaced.  I hate that I care what kind of time I clock in a stupid Christmas 5k.  I hate it because I will let it bug the living shit out of me if it isn't where I hope to be as a starting point for marathon training.  No one else will care, but I don't care about that.  I'll care.  I guess that makes me a "dweller"... and I don't want to be that.  I've worked hard NOT to be that.

Now I promise, I am not saying that just to impress people if I get a super, jacked out speedy time.  Those types of people seriously have issues.  If you don't know the type (if you are a runner that races often, I know you know the type)... they are the ones that show up at a race "on a whim" and of course "haven't been running at all" oh and yes, usually they have some sort of ailment going on such as "Oh if only I wasn't sporting 3 stress fractures and IT band sydrome and plantar warts and BLAH BLAH BLAH...."  So they set the stage as an excuse for a possible poor race time.  Then, they proceed to bust out the race of their lives.  I mean, they pass you, fake limp while they are doing it and just maybe, pat you on the back "for encouragement" while they sail by.  I have raced with that type of runner and I can now spot bullshit a hundred miles away on the 'ol "Oh I haven't been running...."  In my mind, I trip those people as they go by.  Just shut up and run.  No excuses.  Let the clock time speak for what you have or have not been doing.  No one cares but you anyway.

So ok, I just talked myself into going.  And I'll leave with this... I'll race my ass off today.  It may land me a slower than I'd like race time, or it may land me a surprisingly great race time... maybe even a PR.  I won't even say "but I doubt it..."  I'll just go and run and see where all this ramped up mileage lands me.  I'll mentally prepare for either outcome.  And if I see you there... then great.  Just remember, I haven't been doing any speed work... oh yeah, and I didn't sleep well last night.  And I'm dehydrated.  And a year ago, I had a stress fracture.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Polly... the rest of the story

The refrigerator is in, working and already could stand to be cleaned out.  The sign of busy family with hungry kids who open the fridge constantly!

Today wraps up the end of a hellish week.  I never would have thought that a volunteer position could cause so much stress, anxiety, sleep loss and yes, tears.  The job of girls' basketball coordinator for my kids' school can be compared to the job of CEO of a fortune 500 company at risk of going belly up.  At least in my mind it does.  One would think that jobs and lives and the honor of one's country depended on what team their daughter was placed on or what one coach thinks vs. another.  Dear God, continue to grant me the common sense to place the importance of all this nonsense in perspective and sleep a little easier in the weeks to come.

This week also begins the formation of new training schedules for 6 runners who want to run all or half of the Flying Pig Marathon.  I am flattered that some of these runners wanted to hire me based on word of mouth from some of the runners from my first training group.  Three are from Harrison (where I live), two of them are girls I used to work with who got in touch with me and one lives in Columbus.  Perhaps the biggest compliment of all is that Sarah wanted to hire me to coach her again.  I say it's a compliment, because again, Sarah's job revolves around training and nutrition. Even after not quite hitting her goal mark, she wants me to formulate an individual plan and coach her for the Flying Pig.  Her goal is different though.  She wants to run with me.  My time goal is way achievable for her.  In fact, at times, my marathon pace was her long run pace when she trained for Columbus.  But she wants the structure, the layout and the plan to follow.  Or else she says she won't do it.  I told her to just do what I do and I don't need to make her a plan.  But she can't do what I do.  She can't run 6 days a week with what she does for a living.  She wants to do this on 3 days of running.  So I now go in search of the perfect marathon training plan for my 3 day a week running friend!  Looking forward to the challenge of figuring all that out for her.  This morning I found myself  doing what I'd missed doing over the past two months... sitting down to make weekly schedules for runners.  For the first time in awhile, I was completely engaged in figuring perfect starting mileage for 6 very different athletes.  I was happy, involved and consumed by what I was doing.  But I realized I hadn't quite wrapped up my previous group... at least not where blogging was concerned.  I needed to blog about Polly.  And so here is Polly's story.

Polly was not new to running.  She had run a couple of half marathons but was more or less a non-competitive recreational runner.  Polly started inquiring about being trained for the Columbus half marathon back in early June.  After a long conversation with her, I discovered that Polly was a great candidate for the full marathon.  During our chat, I asked Polly how much running she'd been doing.  "Oh about 5-8 miles six days a week."  I told Polly she was currently running more miles than some of folks who were planning on the full marathon "Why don't you think about doing the full, Polly?  I mean, you have an incredible base, you've been running for years.  You would be great at marathoning."  "I don't know if I can run that far though..."  And so I began to draw her in with scientific explanations about base building and endurance and all that stuff.  I think what first timers forget when they look at marathon distance is that no one is telling you that you must do this tomorrow.  Be consistent with your training and you CAN go that distance.  I compare it to the two surprise pregnancies I had... I remember the freak outs of "I cannot do this..."  Well no, I couldn't do it the next day, but after many months of preparation (and heavy prayer), I could... well I guess I had no choice :)  We tend to relate things to come in regard to life as it is right now and it can paralyze us from going after things we dream of doing.  I've noticed people saying... "50 MILES!!!!  OMG are you human???"  Well what I found is that any damn fool can run this distance.  Anyone.  They just don't know it.  Yes you have to train like you have to train for any endurance event.  But what I did was not amazing.  It was the natural result of consistent training and mileage building.  Very simple really.  And I suppose anyone that desires to run this distance is a fool so yep, any damn fool can run it.

A few days after our phone chat, Polly called me and said she'd been thinking and after discussing it with her husband, Keith, wanted to run the full marathon.  I was really excited because I knew Polly would be one hell of a great distance runner.  However, Polly did not own a Garmin or watch with a compatible heart rate monitor.  I had just purchased a new Garmin so I offered her my old one that had just lost it's 2nd replaced band.  By the time I got it to Polly to use, it was essentially, a pocket watch.  Even the tape wouldn't keep the band on anymore.  But nonetheless, Polly assured me she would order a new band and a heart rate strap and start using them.  Until then, I described her "easy" runs as "conversational pace".  I told her to run a pace in which she could easily and comfortably carry on a conversation.  If that was what she was doing, then that was probably the right training pace for her.  The challenge was trying to hit pace days.  The good thing was that Polly often ran on her treadmill, which helped her set her pace range.  But on outside days, we again, had to gage effort since we had no pacing data.  Well Polly, who is probably a lot like me, never got around to getting her band, heart rate monitor or figuring out how to make the Garmin work.  God love her, week after week she was "going to get that band ordered" and week after week, didn't.  She is exactly like me in some ways!

Polly would often meet the group for our long runs.  Once we got her nutrition squared away, she had a really easy time with the long runs.  She showed up for a 16 miler once with nothing but water.  She just didn't know and I guess I assumed she did since she'd been running for many years.  I guess I'd forgotten that she had never trained like this or run this far.  With the introduction of Gatorade, energy gels and other fuel sources, Polly had no problems.

Polly's challenges during training were like everyone else's... TIME.  She was the only one out of the group that would sometimes run after work.  You wanna know what Polly does for a living?  She is a nurse who works 12 hour days.  To think that she went home and ran after a 12 hour work day is inconceivable to me.  No way could I do that!  But she also had a hard time getting all the running in during the week as the miles built up.  She worried, I reassured her.  Rest was more important and she would be ok.  A lot of my exchanges with Polly were reassuring her that she was still on track and that she was still training well.  Missing a workout here and there would not hurt her.  That is hard for a first time marathoner to grasp.  Sure, you can't go around week after week skipping runs, but you definitely can cut yourself some slack here and there and often times, benefit from the extra rest.

As the weeks closed in, training really became hard for her.  Keith was out of town a lot and her girls were taking turns being sick... each one for roughly a week.  Polly was missing a lot of running and again, was feeling insecure about the race.  The advantage that Polly had was that she had an awesome base when she began training.  She didn't just start running.  This would all count and I told her it would be ok.  If she could just get her long runs in, she would be fine.  Two weeks before the marathon, Polly ran her longest distance ever... a 24 miler.  And then her taper began.

I know I said that on marathon morning, Sarah was the only one I didn't see.  Well that is not true.  I never connected with Polly that day or the day before either.  I talked to her on the phone and we exchanged texts, but I never saw her.  Until about mile 9 of the race :)

Polly's primary marathon goal time was a 4:30.  She ultimately wanted a finish, but that is what she thought she could do.  She made a BEST DAY EVER goal of 4:15.  Those are the paces I gave her to train at.  Again, hard to tell exactly what paces she was hitting.

At mile nine of the my half marathon, I came beside Polly and her brother, who was running with her.  Polly was running pretty much at that 4:15 marathon pace.  She of course, had no Garmin to keep herself in check, but assured me she was comfortable.  And according to my Garmin, she was pretty close to being right on track. She was certainly chatty and I was so excited to see her and run with her for a few miles.  I gave her a few tips for later in the race, made sure she was fueling well and kind of did my own assessment of her.  Nothing about Polly seemed off.  She was very at ease and had a grin on her face the entire time we ran.  When we got to the 12 mile mark, I told her I was going to speed up this last mile to finish up the half.  I reminded her to stay smart and run easy.

The next time I saw Polly was after she'd finished.  I first saw Keith.  He told me that Polly crossed the line feeling great.  She was tired, but never really struggled or hit a wall.  She had met a girl who was running who's father had committed suicide the week before.  She'd asked that she not leave her.  Polly and her brother stayed with the girl for a while and helped her run.  The pace was still rather comfortable for Polly.  The last couple of miles, Keith jumped in to run with her at which point, Polly pulled ahead of the girl.  Polly's brother stayed with the girl though so she did have company.

Polly didn't hit a wall.  She didn't struggle or exhaust herself.  She smiled and enjoyed her run.  She fueled well and she didn't have a Garmin.  Polly finished her first marathon in 4:18.

Polly needs to run another marathon :)