I have made the very difficult decision to stop running again (bulky thighs aren't going anywhere soon I guess). I can't seem to shake the soreness in my left calf (and now shin area) after my careless run on Thursday. Yesterday I decided I'd give it a week. Today I've decided to give it whatever time it needs and deep down, I believe that to be more than a week. Let me sum up my thoughts for you in one sentence. THIS ABSOLUTELY SUCKS! Some things you have control over and when things go wrong, you can correct or fix the problem. This is not one of those things and if you are even a slight control freak, this is one of those things that'll make you crazy. I have spent much time and energy trying to control this injury and expedite healing (which is a good thing), but then I decided when it was time to start running again and did not let the leg decide when it was time. Well, it doesn't work that way. The doctor said "could be 6 weeks". Kate decided "It will be no more than 6 weeks." Before bed last night I had one of those mature and grown up talks with myself (ok, not THAT kind of talk). The kind of talk I'd give my kids (and had to give my kids when progress reports came home... YIKES). I have met many people that say "Oh I used to be a runner. I used to run all the time, but I cannot anymore. I've had both knees replaced, hips replaced, legs amputated (exaggeration but you get the point) and it is impossible now. Sure do miss it!" I get it. I realize these are more than likely the addicts that never let things recover and heal. That lived for the moment and failed to look at the long term, big picture. Following the NYC Marathon this November, Haile Gebrselassie, considered the greatest distance runner of all time, announced his retirement due to a knee injury. I watched his very emotional press conference. He was clearly so torn by his decision, but had no other choice. During the New York Marathon, he had pulled out of his first marathon ever at around 15-16 miles because the injury was so bad. Now for him, training through injury was what he had to do to be the best. He has won two Olympic gold medals and many other championship titles. He absolutely had to beat his body up to get to that point and I'm not saying if I had that potential or opportunity I wouldn't have done the same. I would have. But that is not the runner I am. I don't make a living from running many miles, no one is counting on me to run and run well. This is all just because I love to do it. During part of Haile's press conference, he explains that he is so emotional because he just loves running so much and he is heart broken to have to stop. He is 37 years old... younger than I am. That is the first, and quite possibly the only, time I have ever had tears when an athlete announced retirement due to injury (of course, I was hormonal and this was just a few weeks ago and I'm feeling REALLY sorry for myself as if I can even relate on his level. I can a little and that was enough to push me over the edge that day). His emotional pain was definitely not about not being able to win marathons anymore.
I want to be running when I'm old. I want to be the grandma in the community paper who just ran her 80th marathon on her 80th birthday (or something like that... oh and an age group award would be a nice addition to that article too and I'll be on my 76th Boston Qualifier...). I won't ever be that lady if I continue to run when I shouldn't. I have proven to myself that the cross-training is keeping me up to "speed", and I need to let that keep me sane and reasonable for a while. So no more posts about foolish fast runs.
At least I don't think so....
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