I get the feeling that anyone reading this blog who doesn't know me well outside of my running world may think I'm a bit "high strung".  Last night at Nick's surprise 40th birthday party (BTW, great party... a ton of fun and how the hell does my brother know so many people?  Who like him?), my brother Jack told me that "someone" following this blog said I needed to "relax".  Now I'm sure Kathleen meant that in a good way (right Kathleen?), but the comment made me think about the things I've been writing.  I started thinking, "Wow, I imagine people WOULD get the impression that there is a crazy mess inside of my head!"  And so to those people, I offer this explanation.... I am actually a pretty laid back person.  I don't  fret too much when my house is a mess.  I don't freak out when my kids get sick.  When things normally don't go my way, I approach them with the attitude of  "alright then, lets fix this and move on."  No fuss necessary.  I tend to procrastinate and put things off until the last minute without getting too stressed about whatever it is that I need to do.  I know it will get done.  People who over-react drive me crazy!  For the people that know me very well, this obsessive running stuff comes as a big surprise and I've heard "You? Seriously?  I can't picture you being nervous at all!"  I haven't heard it in a while because they all know it now.

The purpose of my writing this blog is simple.  I am in awe of the lessons I've learned from something as simple as running and I want to share them.  Perhaps I am a bit more comfortable with allowing people to take a close look at my insecurities.  I realize most people are not.  I am shocked at what setting a goal and not meeting it has done to change the way I think about so many things.  I have never REALLY believed in the power of positive thinking.  In my pre-BQ attempting world, black was black and white was white.  You've either trained well and you'll get it, or you haven't and you won't.... which was why I was so nervous the first time I attempted it. I simply didn't trust my training or my ability.  It stemmed from inexperience.... entering a territory I was completely unfamiliar with... competition and racing.  I desperately wanted to succeed as many of my family and friends were cheering for me in Columbus, on-line at home in Cincinnati and in Maryland, where my running cousins live.  And now, I desperately want to succeed as 4 little sets of brown eyes have seen mom fail, try again, fail, try again and fail... again.  So I'm sure it comes as no surprise when I say that there is no way in Hell I will stop trying until that gd Boston Marathon lets me in!  Not only do I still want to get there, but now I have a pretty powerful message to deliver to my kids about life and goals and keeping your eye on the prize and NEVER QUITTING.  Never in my life did I want to be 7 years older more than I did after this year's Columbus Marathon (obviously by that I mean my time would have qualified me).

What I have also learned is that a positive mental mindset is critical to achieving a goal such as this, or any for that matter.  This blog will take you (and myself) through the now two year process of my BQ quest.  You are now reading and learning about the insecure, doubting and scared marathoner I was a year ago.  As I continue to blog, my hope is that you will see the growth that has come and continues to come out of this journey.  Believe me when I say I toed that line in Columbus last month with all the confidence in the world that I would be going to Boston this April and also when I say that I fully believe I am a much better runner than the 3:45 I need to get there (this damn injury needs to heal so I can keep it that way).  I hope you will enjoy reading how I have gotten to this point.  There have been a lot of people who have helped me, that is for sure!  Many of whom have had the guts to "tell it like it is" to me when it wasn't easy or when I didn't want to hear it.

So Jenn, there answers your question.  The answer to my "decision".  Of course I'll try again.  Heck, I won't even say "try".  I'll just say.... Of course I'll qualify for Boston at the next marathon I choose to run for a BQ!  How's that for confidence?

Kathleen, I'm not crazy.  It just appears so at the moment.... give it time.  You'll be proud of me!