I used to get mad when things outside of my control interfered with training. Often times it was due to a restless night sleep or a family obligation that caused a scheduling conflict and perhaps disrupted plans for a long run. Then there were the times the weather was so treacherous that there was no way I could get out. And let's not forget injury... the worst (and sometimes permanent) training disruption possible.
But I have come a long way. Call it maturity or experience or divine grace that I have learned to roll with life's unpredictable curve balls.
This week has been disrupted. Lucy is sick and is now on her third day home from school. It's not too big a deal as I can still run before John leaves for work, but I cannot get on trails... which is what I need. The road miles are definitely better than no miles and since Burning River isn't until July, I technically still have plenty of time for that race. But there is an upcoming trail marathon just a mere 5 1/2 weeks away that I am doing. Yes, it is supposed to be for training, but I'm not ready to spend 5 plus hours going 26.2 miles on a technical trail quite yet. I don't want to push myself to the point of needing a lot of recovery time. That is not the purpose of a training run. That is more the idea for a race... as my friend Molly once said, "Train to race, don't race to train." Awesome and wise words!
I am not freaking out or worried about not being ready. I will just deal with that day as it presents. After all, it has been a long time since one of my children has needed me in such a physical and tangible way. These days there is a lot of emotional need, which at times I don't feel equipped to handle. But mostly gone are the days where I am needed to hold and cuddle and be physically present. Right now, this is what Lucy needs and I am embracing it fully, despite the disruption in training. Lucy threw up all day on Monday, had a fever yesterday and was throwing up (or dry heaving since the poor baby has nothing in her stomach but acid) all throughout the night last night. The recognition of grace came at 2:30 am... the moment I realized I was less worried about the fact that I would not be running trails again today, but was overcome with concern, pity and love for my miserable 6 year old. Time and time again throughout the night she ran to the bathroom and each time I followed, never angry or upset over lost sleep.
I had not realized how much I've changed until this moment. Once again, I am in awe at the workings of God in the most unusual circumstances. To recognize growth and grace over the toilet in the middle of the night is quite unordinary. But then again, God is anything but ordinary.
Special prayers of thanksgiving for Tammy, my friend I posted about with breast cancer (who said I could use her name :). Tammy's scans came back clean, which means the cancer is contained and does not involve the lymph nodes. She starts her first chemo treatment today so I'll be praying all goes well with that. Thanks to all who have prayed for her!
...now I must go log a few road miles.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Choices
It's funny how it can be 5 degrees outside, yet I didn't even notice. It isn't because I don't mind running in the cold... which I don't after a several mile warm-up. But rather the company and conversation was so fulfilling, that I honestly did not notice.
I didn't want to run so early today. Normally, I'm game. But I just wasn't up for it this morning (not good when you are training for a long-ass run). I wanted to come home, sit in the living room with John and catch up on yesterday and the plan out the rest of the week. I didn't see him but for 2 minutes yesterday and we had much to figure out as far as who needs to be where this week. I got caught up at home wasting time on the computer and didn't realize how late it was. Before I knew it, it was passed the time I would normally leave to go to TRX, which starts at 5:15. I frantically grabbed extra layers, puffy mittens, and an OJ Simpson ski mask like hood thing for the run that was to follow. I arrived right when it was starting, got a smart ass comment from Sarah (which I returned with an equally smart ass middle finger) and settled in. Midway through, I wasn't feeling right. I was weaker than usual and a bit queasy. With about 15 minutes left, as we were doing calf raises, I noticed some black spots and got a tad dizzy. Damn... I forgot to eat anything before I left. No Heed, no coconut milk... nothing. I said nothing, but walked over and grabbed a Gatorade (Sarah, I owe you a dollar :). I did the next few exercises with a little less intensity and seemed to perk back up after providing my body with the sugar it was demanding right then.
After class wrapped up and our cool down stretches were done, Sarah and I began our multi-layer pile-up for the coldest morning on record (they say in 4 years...). I said nothing about the dizzy spell, as she probably would have told me not run. But since I was there and ready, I wanted to go (half the dang battle is convincing yourself out the door sometimes). I'd let her deal with the fallout if I face planted on the sidewalk running down Harrison Ave. But I was certain a little sugar was all I needed. Turned out I was right. The run went well.
It's amazing how unimportant the actual running part is sometimes. Sure, we are all training and working toward something. And I often wonder if people who belong (in name only) to our FB running club page think "Don't these people get so tired of doing the same damn thing... year after year, training cycle after training cycle? Don't they just get sick to death of running mile after mile again and again... and OMG, if I see the word "STRIMPLE" posted one more time, I am leaving this crazy page and never coming back!"
The short answer is yes.
Yes because we cherish our weekend days off when we get to sleep in or be home when our kids wake up and not be sweaty and stinky. We cherish a Saturday night out when we aren't worried about how much wine we drink because we have to get up and run. We celebrate the fact that the long run is behind us when done on Saturday. Our spouses love when they aren't trying to get a mess of kids ready for church alone because their wife/husband is out running AGAIN (unless your kids are older or self sufficient, then it's just about the Saturday night wine... I know a few of those).
But the other short answer is no.
I read an article this morning that my sister posted on FB. It was wonderful and a much needed reminder of what we get to do and what we don't get to do. And so I'm reading it and thinking how very, very much it relates to so many sentiments about why we train, literally, year after year. And so I thought of a few of my own, based off of this author's ideas...
We don't get to choose how other people treat us, if they like us or not, or how they react to us for that matter
We don't get to choose if our kids are going to behave well or horribly from day to day
We don't get to choose if we get cancer, or worse, one of our kids does
We don't get to choose to keep our parents forever, though most of us would like to as there is childlike security in still having your mom and dad
We sometimes cannot keep the people we love the absolute most from the absolute worst kind of pain.
And writing all those things is scary and can put someone in a paralytic state of panic and worry. But then I think of all the things we can control and we can do...
We can choose to treat others with love and respect no matter how they treat us. We can also choose how we react to them.
We can also choose how we react to horribly behaving kids. No, not with alcohol, but with patience and love.
We can choose to pray for those with cancer and pray that God has His hand in their recovery and for their peace and strength during the battle
We can choose to cherish our parents for the time they are here, instead of living in dread for the day they are not
We can choose to be there for those that we love and support and pray them through their pain, whatever it may be. We can choose to trust God's plan for our lives.
All of these things are things I have learned through running with friends. All of these topics have been topics of discussion over the past several years from then friends I run with.... and we are all as different and varied as they come. These conversations sustain me, fulfill me and keep me training year after year.
Our little group has grown. Other small groups in our community have formed. And I think if you asked any person in these groups "What is the big deal about all this running?" They would tell you it has very little to do with actual running.
Thank you, Sarah, for a very fulfilling run this morning and for making me not even notice the temp!
I didn't want to run so early today. Normally, I'm game. But I just wasn't up for it this morning (not good when you are training for a long-ass run). I wanted to come home, sit in the living room with John and catch up on yesterday and the plan out the rest of the week. I didn't see him but for 2 minutes yesterday and we had much to figure out as far as who needs to be where this week. I got caught up at home wasting time on the computer and didn't realize how late it was. Before I knew it, it was passed the time I would normally leave to go to TRX, which starts at 5:15. I frantically grabbed extra layers, puffy mittens, and an OJ Simpson ski mask like hood thing for the run that was to follow. I arrived right when it was starting, got a smart ass comment from Sarah (which I returned with an equally smart ass middle finger) and settled in. Midway through, I wasn't feeling right. I was weaker than usual and a bit queasy. With about 15 minutes left, as we were doing calf raises, I noticed some black spots and got a tad dizzy. Damn... I forgot to eat anything before I left. No Heed, no coconut milk... nothing. I said nothing, but walked over and grabbed a Gatorade (Sarah, I owe you a dollar :). I did the next few exercises with a little less intensity and seemed to perk back up after providing my body with the sugar it was demanding right then.
After class wrapped up and our cool down stretches were done, Sarah and I began our multi-layer pile-up for the coldest morning on record (they say in 4 years...). I said nothing about the dizzy spell, as she probably would have told me not run. But since I was there and ready, I wanted to go (half the dang battle is convincing yourself out the door sometimes). I'd let her deal with the fallout if I face planted on the sidewalk running down Harrison Ave. But I was certain a little sugar was all I needed. Turned out I was right. The run went well.
It's amazing how unimportant the actual running part is sometimes. Sure, we are all training and working toward something. And I often wonder if people who belong (in name only) to our FB running club page think "Don't these people get so tired of doing the same damn thing... year after year, training cycle after training cycle? Don't they just get sick to death of running mile after mile again and again... and OMG, if I see the word "STRIMPLE" posted one more time, I am leaving this crazy page and never coming back!"
The short answer is yes.
Yes because we cherish our weekend days off when we get to sleep in or be home when our kids wake up and not be sweaty and stinky. We cherish a Saturday night out when we aren't worried about how much wine we drink because we have to get up and run. We celebrate the fact that the long run is behind us when done on Saturday. Our spouses love when they aren't trying to get a mess of kids ready for church alone because their wife/husband is out running AGAIN (unless your kids are older or self sufficient, then it's just about the Saturday night wine... I know a few of those).
But the other short answer is no.
I read an article this morning that my sister posted on FB. It was wonderful and a much needed reminder of what we get to do and what we don't get to do. And so I'm reading it and thinking how very, very much it relates to so many sentiments about why we train, literally, year after year. And so I thought of a few of my own, based off of this author's ideas...
We don't get to choose how other people treat us, if they like us or not, or how they react to us for that matter
We don't get to choose if our kids are going to behave well or horribly from day to day
We don't get to choose if we get cancer, or worse, one of our kids does
We don't get to choose to keep our parents forever, though most of us would like to as there is childlike security in still having your mom and dad
We sometimes cannot keep the people we love the absolute most from the absolute worst kind of pain.
And writing all those things is scary and can put someone in a paralytic state of panic and worry. But then I think of all the things we can control and we can do...
We can choose to treat others with love and respect no matter how they treat us. We can also choose how we react to them.
We can also choose how we react to horribly behaving kids. No, not with alcohol, but with patience and love.
We can choose to pray for those with cancer and pray that God has His hand in their recovery and for their peace and strength during the battle
We can choose to cherish our parents for the time they are here, instead of living in dread for the day they are not
We can choose to be there for those that we love and support and pray them through their pain, whatever it may be. We can choose to trust God's plan for our lives.
All of these things are things I have learned through running with friends. All of these topics have been topics of discussion over the past several years from then friends I run with.... and we are all as different and varied as they come. These conversations sustain me, fulfill me and keep me training year after year.
Our little group has grown. Other small groups in our community have formed. And I think if you asked any person in these groups "What is the big deal about all this running?" They would tell you it has very little to do with actual running.
Thank you, Sarah, for a very fulfilling run this morning and for making me not even notice the temp!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Prayers For a Friend
Yesterday I learned that a friend who runs with our group received the news that she has breast cancer. At this time, I have very little information other than she would like time to process the news without being bombarded. I know she reads this blog and I just want to tell her that my family is praying for her. The news is undoubtedly always harsh and scary. I imagine it adds another level of fear when you are the mother of young children, as she is.
My friend, we prayed in the car and we prayed at the dinner table, specifically, for you. I hope it brings you comfort to recall the countless times you've witnessed God's ever loving presence through the life of Nora, who you also follow. Ask and you shall receive is NOT just something we say to feel better or to make others feel better. It is the truth. Grant your requests to God with utmost faith and He will lovingly lead you through the darkness and honor those requests.
I am posting this here to ask for some extra prayers for my friend. Offer up some tough runs for her or if you are not a runner, offer up something hard in your day. Be thankful for having the ability to do what so many others cannot. There is power in numbers when it comes to prayer. I've witnessed it time and time again.
My friend, we prayed in the car and we prayed at the dinner table, specifically, for you. I hope it brings you comfort to recall the countless times you've witnessed God's ever loving presence through the life of Nora, who you also follow. Ask and you shall receive is NOT just something we say to feel better or to make others feel better. It is the truth. Grant your requests to God with utmost faith and He will lovingly lead you through the darkness and honor those requests.
I am posting this here to ask for some extra prayers for my friend. Offer up some tough runs for her or if you are not a runner, offer up something hard in your day. Be thankful for having the ability to do what so many others cannot. There is power in numbers when it comes to prayer. I've witnessed it time and time again.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Creepy Cool!
I have this devotional book I read everyday. I bought it because my friend, Aleisa, has it and refers to it often in her blog about Nora. She often talks about how eerie it is that whatever is happening in her life, the day's devotional seems to fit just perfectly. Every time I was with Nora, I would see her "Calling Jesus" book laying on the desk in her living room. I would pick it up and read the day's devotional. So often the words WERE poignant to what I was feeling that day or what I was experiencing in life. It's like a little love note from Jesus and I always felt so good and taken care of when I read it.
So I bought the book on Amazon. It's little, it's portable and it's easy to read (right up my alley). I bought a few extra copies for some friends I knew would love it. I would read each day and put it down and think about the words I just read. But I hated waiting to find out the next day's message. One day I was telling Aleisa this and she said, "Well each day I read the day before, the actual day and the next day's reading. That way I've read each day twice and I can really absorbed the message." Well heck, you don't have to tell me twice to jump ahead! So I, too, started doing that.
It never ceases to amaze me that when my confidence is rocky, or my resolve is fading, when I ask for a little help, without fail, it appears (does this sentence with multiple commas make sense?).
This 100 mile thing is a little scary to really think about and absorb. Every little "what if" that could possibly pop up, does. And being that it is now the year that I am doing it (2013), I find myself in a state of "What the HELL are you thinking??" This is like running from here to Columbus, only on trails with multiple hills and rocks. When I drive to see my friend Krista, it seems to take FOREVER. She lives in Columbus. But I keep training. Upping my time and mileage in the woods, trying ever so hard to convince myself that all will be fine and by the time July rolls around, I'll be so well trained that I'll KNOW I can make it.
My friend Greg and I are planning on getting together "one of these days" to work out the kinks on launching a website that will help do this run as a fundraiser. I think when that is up and "running" (HA!), I will feel much better. For it is the sole purpose for my training.
In the meantime, however, I get little messages that remind me to keep my eye on Who is at the wheel. And in doing so, a definite sense of calm takes over and the feeling that this will be an awesome journey. One which will benefit so many needy and innocent lives.
January 5th (tomorrow's devotional read today :)
"You can achieve the victorious life through living in deep dependence on Me. People usually associate victory with success: not falling or stumbling, not making mistakes. But those who are successful in their own strength tend to go their own way, forgetting about Me. It is through problems and failures, weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on Me.
True dependence is not simply asking Me to bless what you have decided to do. It is coming to Me with an open mind and heart, inviting Me to plant my desires within you. I MAY INFUSE WITHIN YOU A DREAM THAT SEEMS FAR BEYOND YOUR REACH. YOU KNOW THAT IN YOUR YOURSELF YOU CANNOT ACHIEVE SUCH A GOAL. Thus begins your journey of profound reliance on Me. It is a faith walk, taken one step at a time, leaning on me as much as you need. THIS IS NOT A PATH OF CONTINUAL SUCCESS BUT OF MULTIPLE FAILURES. However, each failure is followed by a growth spurt, nourished by increased reliance on Me. Enjoy the blessedness of a victorious life, through deepening your dependence on Me." Sarah Young, Calling Jesus.
So how about that? I think "Someone" knew exactly what I needed to hear. He is so sweet like that.
The beautiful thing about God is that He takes care of us all. Not just those who are profoundly aware of His presence, but even those who don't believe He exists. The sadness in this is what those people are missing. The signs, the messages, the miracles are glaringly EVERYWHERE. Sadly so many ignore these beautiful gifts or chalk things up to coincidence. When amazing, "lucky" things happen, they are anything but coincidence. Each time I recognize one of these gifts, my confidence soars...my enthusiasm soars... my excitement and passion to train hard soars.
Should be a great day on the trails today :)
So I bought the book on Amazon. It's little, it's portable and it's easy to read (right up my alley). I bought a few extra copies for some friends I knew would love it. I would read each day and put it down and think about the words I just read. But I hated waiting to find out the next day's message. One day I was telling Aleisa this and she said, "Well each day I read the day before, the actual day and the next day's reading. That way I've read each day twice and I can really absorbed the message." Well heck, you don't have to tell me twice to jump ahead! So I, too, started doing that.
It never ceases to amaze me that when my confidence is rocky, or my resolve is fading, when I ask for a little help, without fail, it appears (does this sentence with multiple commas make sense?).
This 100 mile thing is a little scary to really think about and absorb. Every little "what if" that could possibly pop up, does. And being that it is now the year that I am doing it (2013), I find myself in a state of "What the HELL are you thinking??" This is like running from here to Columbus, only on trails with multiple hills and rocks. When I drive to see my friend Krista, it seems to take FOREVER. She lives in Columbus. But I keep training. Upping my time and mileage in the woods, trying ever so hard to convince myself that all will be fine and by the time July rolls around, I'll be so well trained that I'll KNOW I can make it.
My friend Greg and I are planning on getting together "one of these days" to work out the kinks on launching a website that will help do this run as a fundraiser. I think when that is up and "running" (HA!), I will feel much better. For it is the sole purpose for my training.
In the meantime, however, I get little messages that remind me to keep my eye on Who is at the wheel. And in doing so, a definite sense of calm takes over and the feeling that this will be an awesome journey. One which will benefit so many needy and innocent lives.
January 5th (tomorrow's devotional read today :)
"You can achieve the victorious life through living in deep dependence on Me. People usually associate victory with success: not falling or stumbling, not making mistakes. But those who are successful in their own strength tend to go their own way, forgetting about Me. It is through problems and failures, weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on Me.
True dependence is not simply asking Me to bless what you have decided to do. It is coming to Me with an open mind and heart, inviting Me to plant my desires within you. I MAY INFUSE WITHIN YOU A DREAM THAT SEEMS FAR BEYOND YOUR REACH. YOU KNOW THAT IN YOUR YOURSELF YOU CANNOT ACHIEVE SUCH A GOAL. Thus begins your journey of profound reliance on Me. It is a faith walk, taken one step at a time, leaning on me as much as you need. THIS IS NOT A PATH OF CONTINUAL SUCCESS BUT OF MULTIPLE FAILURES. However, each failure is followed by a growth spurt, nourished by increased reliance on Me. Enjoy the blessedness of a victorious life, through deepening your dependence on Me." Sarah Young, Calling Jesus.
So how about that? I think "Someone" knew exactly what I needed to hear. He is so sweet like that.
The beautiful thing about God is that He takes care of us all. Not just those who are profoundly aware of His presence, but even those who don't believe He exists. The sadness in this is what those people are missing. The signs, the messages, the miracles are glaringly EVERYWHERE. Sadly so many ignore these beautiful gifts or chalk things up to coincidence. When amazing, "lucky" things happen, they are anything but coincidence. Each time I recognize one of these gifts, my confidence soars...my enthusiasm soars... my excitement and passion to train hard soars.
Should be a great day on the trails today :)
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Letting Go
Today was a defining day. It was the beginning of something as well as the end of something. It was about making a choice that was both hard, yet exhilarating, all in one.
It couldn't have been more perfect. I started 2013 with an 8 mile trail run at Mitchell Memorial Forest with John, Will and my brother, Jack. This is my longest trail run since the JFK 50 over a year ago. I've been on the trails, building up the mileage (and slowing down the pace) and I am reminded each time how absolutely much I love being in the woods, running on trails. Will wanted to go with us. I knew that after seeing the movie "Unbreakable" yesterday, he would be hard pressed to change his mind. The movie follows four of the world's best ultra runners competing for first place in the 2010 Western States 100 mile endurance run. It gives a close look at their lives, their training and their journey throughout the race. We are invited to look at what one does when he think he has nothing left... what choices he makes and how he handles himself.
The ending surprised him, yet motivated him. I could tell he wasn't going to sleep through today's run.
We arrived at 7:30 and headed to the trail head. John is just beginning to build mileage and was running on his current diet of lots of protein and very few carbs. He wasn't sure what to expect, running this distance on a "lifting" diet, as opposed to a "runner's" diet. So we hit the trail nice and easy. Will and Jack led us on the single track mountain bike trail. The snow was beginning to melt, leaving behind peaks of slippery mud and slush. It took a lot of energy to be mindful of our footing in order to remain vertical. The woods were breathtaking. I told John it looked like Narnia. The branches were still covered in snow, as was the ground. Everything was so white, so clean.
As expected, Will began to pull ahead. And as expected, Jack followed. John and I stayed status quo since we were not walking the uphills like I do at Miami Whitewater. We were mostly running it all, with an occasional slow down for a swig of Heed. Soon I could not see Will. Jack backed off a bit and when I caught up I told him to stay with Will. Jack turned around and said "Let him go." What? Let my first born loose in woods he doesn't know, has never been in and running like a fool? Will is reckless. He is a thrill seeker. I just KNEW on this trail he would take a downhill way too fast, wipe out and crack his head open. I just knew it.
"He needs to do this, Kate. He'll be ok. This is what I love about running in the woods... the aloneness." In an instant, I could translate Jack's sentiment... "Let him experience everything you love about running trails and running alone. Let him get better." How would Will ever develop as the runner he could be if he is stuck at mom's pace and doing mom's training all the time. And I knew he was right. Will has never been allowed to run alone. The closest he comes is the days he runs with his buddy, Austin, after school. The boys run for an hour, all over Harrison. I usually give him a million instructions and safety reminders on those mornings. He always nods, but most certainly does as he sees fit I'm sure.
I ran with some anxiety for awhile. Wondering if I'd come across him on the ground with a broken bone or cracked skull. I wondered if someone would bother him (sure, because all the kidnappers are on trails on New Year's Day at 8 am. And they are all waiting for and expecting a 14 year old boy to come bounding by). Finally, as I have trained myself to do, I silently whispered, "Jesus... please run with him. Protect him. Be near him. Help him feel your presence."
No lie, but from that point on, I worried no more. I was more worried about not falling than I was about Will. Even when I heard the coyotes howling (I was, however, worried about ME when I heard them. But crazy enough, not Will). I knew the Protector that went with him would make sure he was ok.
At about mile 7, John and I caught up to Jack and Will, who were waiting for us. Jack said Will was maintaining a good clip, but was getting a bit tired. We took off and ran the 1/2 mile as if we were racing. I was staying with Will and clearly that bugged him. So he went faster, hitting the downhill like a madman. I fell back, but caught up, taunting him and singing "one, two, mommy's coming for you..." That absolutely cinched the deal. Will could not handle the competition from his 'ol lady and took off. I was cooked and couldn't catch up :)
We reached the parking lot in a breathless, tired state and walked back to the car. We said our goodbyes to Jack and headed home. I could tell Will was on cloud nine. He talked non-stop, instead of giving me the normal courtesy mumble. He talked about the animals he saw as well as his favorite part of the trail (the most difficult portion, of course!). He then used part of a gift card he earned to buy his mom and dad a coffee. The magic has been unlocked. Will is hooked.
My dream is not that Will develops into this awesome trail runner because I love it. It could be anything, really. But my dream is that he finds a place to go that is a sacred space. A place where he can marvel at the beauty God has laid before us and a place where he can figure out his toughest problems. A place where he can be alone, talk to God, be mad, be happy or be whatever it is he feels at the moment. A place he can leave physically spent, but spiritually filled. We should all be so lucky to find that space or that hobby that is ours and ours alone. Judging from the way he left that park, I believe that place for Will is the woods, on the trails.
I am thankful my brother suggested I let him go and proud of myself for doing it.
It couldn't have been more perfect. I started 2013 with an 8 mile trail run at Mitchell Memorial Forest with John, Will and my brother, Jack. This is my longest trail run since the JFK 50 over a year ago. I've been on the trails, building up the mileage (and slowing down the pace) and I am reminded each time how absolutely much I love being in the woods, running on trails. Will wanted to go with us. I knew that after seeing the movie "Unbreakable" yesterday, he would be hard pressed to change his mind. The movie follows four of the world's best ultra runners competing for first place in the 2010 Western States 100 mile endurance run. It gives a close look at their lives, their training and their journey throughout the race. We are invited to look at what one does when he think he has nothing left... what choices he makes and how he handles himself.
The ending surprised him, yet motivated him. I could tell he wasn't going to sleep through today's run.
We arrived at 7:30 and headed to the trail head. John is just beginning to build mileage and was running on his current diet of lots of protein and very few carbs. He wasn't sure what to expect, running this distance on a "lifting" diet, as opposed to a "runner's" diet. So we hit the trail nice and easy. Will and Jack led us on the single track mountain bike trail. The snow was beginning to melt, leaving behind peaks of slippery mud and slush. It took a lot of energy to be mindful of our footing in order to remain vertical. The woods were breathtaking. I told John it looked like Narnia. The branches were still covered in snow, as was the ground. Everything was so white, so clean.
As expected, Will began to pull ahead. And as expected, Jack followed. John and I stayed status quo since we were not walking the uphills like I do at Miami Whitewater. We were mostly running it all, with an occasional slow down for a swig of Heed. Soon I could not see Will. Jack backed off a bit and when I caught up I told him to stay with Will. Jack turned around and said "Let him go." What? Let my first born loose in woods he doesn't know, has never been in and running like a fool? Will is reckless. He is a thrill seeker. I just KNEW on this trail he would take a downhill way too fast, wipe out and crack his head open. I just knew it.
"He needs to do this, Kate. He'll be ok. This is what I love about running in the woods... the aloneness." In an instant, I could translate Jack's sentiment... "Let him experience everything you love about running trails and running alone. Let him get better." How would Will ever develop as the runner he could be if he is stuck at mom's pace and doing mom's training all the time. And I knew he was right. Will has never been allowed to run alone. The closest he comes is the days he runs with his buddy, Austin, after school. The boys run for an hour, all over Harrison. I usually give him a million instructions and safety reminders on those mornings. He always nods, but most certainly does as he sees fit I'm sure.
I ran with some anxiety for awhile. Wondering if I'd come across him on the ground with a broken bone or cracked skull. I wondered if someone would bother him (sure, because all the kidnappers are on trails on New Year's Day at 8 am. And they are all waiting for and expecting a 14 year old boy to come bounding by). Finally, as I have trained myself to do, I silently whispered, "Jesus... please run with him. Protect him. Be near him. Help him feel your presence."
No lie, but from that point on, I worried no more. I was more worried about not falling than I was about Will. Even when I heard the coyotes howling (I was, however, worried about ME when I heard them. But crazy enough, not Will). I knew the Protector that went with him would make sure he was ok.
At about mile 7, John and I caught up to Jack and Will, who were waiting for us. Jack said Will was maintaining a good clip, but was getting a bit tired. We took off and ran the 1/2 mile as if we were racing. I was staying with Will and clearly that bugged him. So he went faster, hitting the downhill like a madman. I fell back, but caught up, taunting him and singing "one, two, mommy's coming for you..." That absolutely cinched the deal. Will could not handle the competition from his 'ol lady and took off. I was cooked and couldn't catch up :)
We reached the parking lot in a breathless, tired state and walked back to the car. We said our goodbyes to Jack and headed home. I could tell Will was on cloud nine. He talked non-stop, instead of giving me the normal courtesy mumble. He talked about the animals he saw as well as his favorite part of the trail (the most difficult portion, of course!). He then used part of a gift card he earned to buy his mom and dad a coffee. The magic has been unlocked. Will is hooked.
My dream is not that Will develops into this awesome trail runner because I love it. It could be anything, really. But my dream is that he finds a place to go that is a sacred space. A place where he can marvel at the beauty God has laid before us and a place where he can figure out his toughest problems. A place where he can be alone, talk to God, be mad, be happy or be whatever it is he feels at the moment. A place he can leave physically spent, but spiritually filled. We should all be so lucky to find that space or that hobby that is ours and ours alone. Judging from the way he left that park, I believe that place for Will is the woods, on the trails.
I am thankful my brother suggested I let him go and proud of myself for doing it.
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