I hardly recognize myself anymore. Last evening, a friend said to me, "What is happening to you?" I searched her face to decipher whether she meant that in a good way or a bad way. I think she meant it in a good way, but one can never be too sure.
She was referring to the fact that after the temporary loss of my THIRD iPhone and my half-hearted attempt to find it, I drove myself to the local AT&T store (before I could talk myself out of what I was about to do), and purchased a new phone. Contrary to the immediate belief of readers who know me that I purchased the iPhone 5, I actually walked in and said to the completely tattooed twenty-something year old man working, "I need a phone. Just a phone that makes calls and texts. That's it. Nothing else on it." The guy looked at me and nodded and said "What kind of phone did you have?" I thought he was going to pass out when I said "I lost my iPhone. That would be my THIRD iPhone. One broke, one was stolen and this one is lost" (but not really lost... I mean, I knew it was in my house). He looked at me in complete bewilderment and said "Why would you EVERRRR go back to a basic phone after an iPhone????"
I wish I had simply said that the data package was too expensive and I just could not afford it. That would have shut down the convo because no one can argue with you when the funds just aren't there (except maybe for loan officers who tell you that you can afford way more than you really can :). But no. I tried to explain that I no longer wanted the distraction in my life. That my phone was in control of me... no matter where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, I always needed to know where that stupid thing was. That my baby told me I never listened to her because I was always looking at my phone... checking Facebook, reading e-mails, scanning food for myfitnesspal, reading articles and the list goes on. That I yelled at my kids incessantly for touching it, losing it and fighting over it when they wanted to play games.
Yeah, try telling that to essentially a kid, who has only lived long enough for this to be normal. He looked at me like "...and your point is?" He then assured me that I would HATE my new phone (which I do because I am in total withdrawal this morning) and that I'd be back to get an iPhone before my two week return period is over. I hate that he said that because had he NOT said it, he would probably be right. But because he said it, I'll be damned if I walk back into that store and purchase a new phone. I'll go to the Colerain Avenue store if I really must return to my old phone habits. Little punk.
I must say, the more prayerful I become, the more clarity I have. Clarity to see the things that matter. And millions of people gain clarity every day, but fail to ever change. This was another step in my wholehearted and honest attempt to change myself. Let me tell you that for now, it sucks. But I am confident in the end, I will be better for it. Smartphones are not bad. In fact, they are a genius invention for people who use them properly and are not enslaved to them. This does not describe me. I do need a phone because I am separated from my kids during the day and often not home. I always take one while running because often I am many miles from home and lots can happen... it's just wise. But I don't need a smartphone. Even with the calendar app, I double book stuff, forget appointments and dates and many other things. I'm still scatter brained and disorganized, despite this amazing invention that should really be helping me with that. My excuses to own it, when looked at with complete honesty, are simply excuses. Because I want it. The only thing it has done, though, has distracted me more at home, while driving and even while spending time with friends and family. It has added nothing good to my life at all. No matter the long list of reasons I have used to try to convince myself otherwise.
My friends think it's funny, my 14 year old can't believe I would be so dumb and let's not forget tattoo dude, who will never, ever wrap his brain around this. Ever.
But here is what I am more focused on than ever... at the end of my life, when standing before God, and He asks me why I cluttered my life with so many "things" that kept ME (again as not to judge everyone with a smartphone...some people use them very wisely... I don't) from what was important, I WILL NOT be care one bit what my friends, my 14 year old OR tattoo dude thinks.
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