Joy

The title of this post is a very simple concept really.  Yet it is one of the hardest things to achieve AND hang on to for any significant amount of time.  Suppose you could hang on to feelings of joy continuously... every day... in every situation.  Most of us probably think that we would do whatever it took to achieve that if we knew WHAT it was that we should do.  But I also think most of us discount the power of what it is we must do to obtain it.  I can tell you what it is and I can tell you that I am working on doing it.  I can tell you I'm not there yet, but I can also tell you I'm way closer than I was even a month ago.

The thing we must do EVERY day, in every situation, without fail, is pray.  When we present our needs to God, no matter how petty they seem, or unimportant, or unworthy of His time and attention and when we surrender ourselves to His will for us and simply listen and follow, joy results.  This is nothing new or groundbreaking.  This is the way it has always been.  But sadly, we don't believe it.  We just do not believe that putting God first in our lives and in control of everything makes one bit of difference in our overall happiness.  Instead, we wander around aimlessly, looking for the magic pill, the magic product, the magic running shoes, the magic race, the magic person that will bring us what only God can.  We will never find it.  Never.  Keep buying stuff and keep filling our schedules with new, different and exciting adventures and places to go, and temporarily we are satisfied and think we are joyful.  But that joy is temporary and transient.  True and pure happiness and joy results ONLY when we recognize that God is in control... of us and of everything.

I want to tell you a story.  I can honestly say that a year ago, I would not be telling this story publicly.  But a year ago there are many things I would not do that I do today.  I have often struggled with the huge imbalance between how much time and effort I put into my physical appearance, health, etc.. compared to the amount of time I put into my spiritual health.  When I signed up to do the Burning River this summer I realized that I would be spending a large amount of time and energy training and I really wanted to do something that acknowledged the gift of being able to even dream I could do something like this.  So I decided that I would run this race and raise money by obtaining pledges per mile and have every penny donated (ponytailrunning.com for further explanation :)  I made a pact, so to speak, with God.  I promised that I would use training as prayer time.  I would pray for myself and for others while running alone.  I asked that He keep me safe and healthy. As pleased as God was with this, He wanted a bit more from me.  Something I was not comfortable with.  Something that quite frankly, seemed awkward.  I created a Facebook page called "Operation Run 100" and its purpose is for people to leave prayer requests that I can honor during my training.  But something happened.  I was not always running alone and so in my mind, I was not able to pray.

When our friend Tammy was diagnosed with breast cancer, I promised her that I would keep her in my prayers.  One Friday morning, Tammy was going for a PET scan to see if the cancer had spread to any other parts of her body or to her lymph nodes.  The time of the scan was set for 10 am, right around the time I was to be running trails with John.  Now I am totally comfortable praying with my husband, but that day, Tammy's sister-in-law, Kim, was to run with us.  Kim is a pretty prayerful person so I told her ahead of time to bring her rosary beads and we would say it for Tammy... that her PET scan would yield good results.  We started our run at roughly 9:30 and as 10:00 rolled around, we pulled out our beads.  I'll admit, it felt weird at first.  To not be in a church setting and be praying out loud with someone other than my own family.  But soon the weirdness went away and we said the entire rosary with Tammy as our intention.  It was nice.  (BTW, Tammy's PET scan did have the results we wanted:)

Two weeks later, a neighbor posted on my page requesting prayers for a friend and young mother, also with breast cancer, who was to undergo a double mastectomy a few weeks later.  I replied that I would certainly pray for her that day while I ran.  As soon as I posted that comment, I realized that again, I was running with friends and decided the prayer would have to wait until I was running alone.  Immediately the voice of reason, that I can only explain as God Himself, asked me why I would not pray with the ladies I was running with that day.  I was running with Kim, but was also running with Suttan and Jen.  Quite frankly I knew why.  I didn't want Suttan or Jen to think I was weird.  I didn't want them to be uncomfortable and I didn't want to be either.  I then was answered with "Then you are not really doing what you said you would do."  UGH!!!  Why does He DO THAT?  I decided at that moment that no matter what, I would honor what I had promised.  I explained that I would be saying the rosary to Jen and Suttan.  They were happy to run along and join me.  Again, the awkwardness that was there in the beginning, dissipated quickly.  It was a physically difficult run that day.  The wind was in our faces and we were tired.  Strangely enough, during the 15 minutes it took for Kim and I to recite the mysteries, the effort was not nearly as hard for us.  The focus was on our intentions:  Tammy, Darlene, Lauren, our families and each other.

Two other times while running in a group, we have prayed the rosary.  Last Sunday, there were seven of us.  We are across the board in our religious backgrounds and our spirituality.  Some of the runners had never said the rosary.  But for 15 minutes, there we were, running and praying...either silently or out loud.   Our intentions were stated in the beginning.... as always, Tammy.  Also, Darlene, Kevin, Lauren, Anna's dad, Beth's mom... and so on.  It was, to say the least, a defining moment for me.

Now for the creepy, yet amazing part of my story....  Several weeks ago, I switched to a minimalist running shoe.  I was accustomed to wearing the Asics Nimbus, which are a heavily padded shoe with a significant heel lift.  I did not switch slowly, but simply just switched.  As most runners know, and as my dear, sweet Sarah pointed out, this was not the wisest thing to do.  But for three weeks, I ran fine and with no problems.  Slowly, but surely, I began to develop pain that seemed to radiate from my butt down my hamstring.  It wasn't super noticeable at first, but as I continued to run on it, refusing to EVER mention this to Sarah for fear of the inevitable "I TOLD YOU!", the pain worsened.  I stretched, rolled and massaged.  It didn't hurt too much when I ran, but man, when I was done, I sure felt it.  I continued to not say a word.  My sick kids were a perfect alibi to not get out and further damage whatever it was that was hurting so bad.  I believe my piriformis muscle was inflamed and compressing my sciatic nerve, causing the pain down my hamstring.  I had this before, but not to this extent.  One of the runners in our group struggled with this same injury for months and was unable to do much running at all.  Silently I was beginning to panic.

Last Saturday I ran 9 miles and hit a large hill on my route.  I sat in a meeting for a few hours that day and was so uncomfortable that I continuously shifted in my chair, trying to relieve the discomfort in my left leg and butt.  Sunday morning I popped 600 mg of ibuprofen and headed out for a hilly 17 miles with the group (this was the run where we said the rosary as a group of 7).  I attributed the fact that I was not uncomfortable to the ibuprofen.  I got home, jumped in the shower and hurriedly got to mass with my family.  As I sat in the wooden pew, the pain began to radiate down my leg.  I bowed my head and silently prayed... "God, if I am injured, how can I continue to help others get closer to You through our prayers while we run.  Isn't this what you want from me?  Please, fix this."  Mass ended, the day went on with the many busy activities of a family of six.  I woke up the next morning, grabbed my coffee and sank into my "prayer chair".  I noticed that I had no discomfort in my leg.  I picked up the pamphlet of the Divine Mercy Chaplet, a prayer I have been saying daily during Lent, and a portion of the pamphlet caught my eye.  When Jesus appeared to St. Faustina in the 1930s, she kept a diary of the things he told her would happen to those who said this prayer.  One of the lines read "Through this chaplet, you will obtain everything, if what you ask for is compatible with My will."  How could coming together as a group of runners and praying NOT be compatible with God's will?

My friends, I have run most days this week.  I've run Marvin road three times (nasty hill), two of which ended with paces faster than I am used to running.  My butt and my leg have been completely fine.  I have felt NO pain, no discomfort and had no problems at all this week.  Take from this whatever you want.  I have simply laid out the facts of what has happened.  I am beginning to see how this works.

Couple this occurrence with the fact that I cannot remember the last time my temper took control of me and I verbally lost it on my kids (really, it's been a couple of weeks at least).  This used to happen frequently and is something I struggle to control.  I ask for patience and guidance daily, trusting that I am not facing these weaknesses alone.

My hope is that the wonderful, incredible people I run with begin to feel joy daily as a result of our running together, which now includes prayer time together.  

I encourage EVERYONE, catholic or not, spiritually filled or running on empty, to look up this powerful prayer.  Read about it and take the 8 minutes a day or so it takes to say it, and say it.

PS... mom and dad, I promise to say this for you when you are dying (I realize to most people that sounds horrifically morbid, but I can guarantee that my parents just smiled joyfully).