This is for my mom, who I inadvertently freaked out by listing the number of crew members coming to this race. My mom and dad are going to be crewing my brother, Jack, in two weeks for the McNoughton 150 mile race. That's right, I did not stutter... 150 miles. He also has my cousin, Sean, helping out. So he essentially has three people, compared to my "cast of thousands" as my mom put it. I think she began to wonder what she had gotten herself into when she read my post yesterday. So for my mom, and anyone else running 100 miles or more, who, thanks to my post, now thinks they are way ill-equipped when it comes to crew, this is for you!
I crewed for Jack when there were three of us. It was hard, but it worked just fine. Could I run a 100 mile race with three people as my crew? Yes, I believe I could. I would be less confident, but I could do it, as long as I had someone with me after mile 50. I wished so badly there would have been someone to take over after 7 or 8 miles when I was with Jack. I was so miserable and that was unfair to Jack, who I was supposed to be supporting. I don't want anyone suffering through 20, 30, or more miles when I can't encourage them in the throws of my own miserable existence. When I crewed, I saw all kinds of different crews. I saw 1-2 person crews and I saw 10 plus person crews, which were mostly made up of friends and family members who were intrigued by the distance and what goes down at a race like this and wanted to come along (the reason for so many of my crew). I saw those crews having a lot of fun, switching out with one another for little naps or food runs. They seemed to laugh a lot, while Maria, Marybeth and I lost our sense of humor somewhere around nightfall. The people coming to support me are ALL runners. They have all done at least one marathon and I think the thought of going beyond that is intriguing to someone who has run a marathon, because you KNOW what you feel like after that. It's true that many ultra-runners act as pacer and crew for each other... the reason? They simply LOVE the atmosphere of a race like this. They like seeing what people can get through in the throws of misery. Because they have done it. And so have marathoners.
Having a large crew will be beneficial for, well, the crew. They may not realize yet how much relieved they will be to be able to take turns and keep each other awake and uplifted... but they will. As long as I have someone with me in the dark, I'm good. I don't want to be worried that they are struggling. Because then we might both just sit down and cry. And what good is that?
My crew has to go from aid station to aid station. My mom and dad get to stay put in an RV because Jack is running a 10 mile loop 15 times and will hit the same place each time. My parents can nap, get out of the cold or heat (you never know in April) and not have to worry about which drop box needs to be at which station... it'll all be there. As long as Jack brings all he needs, they will be fine. And Jack will be fine because what is a more comforting sight than your mom and dad when you feel horrible? Nothing.
So mom.... DON'T WORRY! Worry about Sean, the poor sucker pacing him :)
Monday, March 25, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Introducing..... The Crew
There is only one thing (besides training, of course) that will make or break my ability to go the 100 mile distance in 18 (*GULP) weeks. This one thing is the people who have graciously offered (or been forced) to help crew me for this event. This post is for them more than anyone else. It is one last attempt to allow them to back out, should they begin to feel a bit overwhelmed by what is required by crewing a 100 mile runner.
I have crewed this distance before and it was tougher than I ever imagined it would be. It was fun, no doubt. I'd do it again and in worse conditions if given the opportunity. But it was exhausting and painful as well. As a crew member, what kept me positive and upbeat was my brother, the runner, and all the other exhausted determined runners filing into the aid stations or along the course when I was out there too. I now know not to ever underestimate the exhaustion and work required of the crew. It is a huge undertaking and when considering "who" I would like to help me do this, I had to look no further than my own running group. This group of people have run countless long runs and experienced all the same highs and lows, ups and downs, good runs and shitty runs over the course of a few years now. They know what I'm like when running... when I'm bitchy or calm or annoyed or quiet (rarely). And they keep running along side me, or ahead of me, so they are the best choice. I want them to know what they are getting into. I think it's called full disclosure. And I want to say that this would in no way be possible without them. I am not Jack, who twice has only had one crew member to help him through 100 miles. I am going to be needy and difficult at times and I am going to need them very, VERY much to ignore that whining voice of mine, wanting to quit.
I am working on toughening up by forcing myself to run alone at times. That is going to be a bit easier after the Flying Pig marathon, when some of my friends will be finished with the races they are training for and kicking back, preparing to enjoy a well-deserved, relaxing, running only when they want to, summer. Thankfully, however, two of the crew members will be in the heart of training for some pretty hefty challenges at the end of the summer. One is considering the full Ironman distance and one is toying with her first 1/2 Ironman. And to be quite honest, those that are in the peak of their marathon training right now may full well decide to do a fall race after a few weeks of downtime. We are kind of idiotic like that... we cannot WAIT to be done with training... to kick back and not worry about long runs and speed workouts. But we also cannot STAND when there is no actual goal in sight. And so we sign up for something and do it all over again. Here is how it goes, like directions on a shampoo bottle.... Recover from our race, Register for another one, Run our hearts out in training, Recite that we can't wait to be done and not have a race to worry about, Race, Repeat. We are, indeed, creatures of habit.
And so, with much excitement and anticipation, I present to you... the Burning River crew:
John- Duh, my husband. He wouldn't miss it for anything and I wouldn't do this if he could not be there. But he could also be the weak link when it comes to seeing me in horrible shape. There have been times he has really pushed me when I don't feel well and because he is my husband, he has been the recipient of some pretty harsh backlash from me. He has implied that I am "wussing out" at times and nothing makes me madder than when he does that and I really feel bad. But between you and me, sometimes that heckling ignites something I didn't quite realize was there and I am able to overcome a bad spell. HOWEVER.... if he thinks for a second that I could die or really get hurt, without reservations, he will pull the plug on the entire thing. So I need to keep that in mind when I choose to act like a dying idiot. In other words, toughness is a must during this race when he is involved.
Sarah- Second to John, this is THE person who has been with me through every single goal since the very beginning of my goal oriented days. From that first e-mail in 2008, stating my goal of running a BQ marathon, and everything in between.... the failures, heartbreak, injuries, triumphs, bad moods, fabulous workouts, horrible exhaustion, overtraining and perfect training (JFK 50 was what I would deem my perfect training and race execution), she has been constant. I suppose she, like John, has the potential to also be a weak link by the sheer nature of our friendship. But I'm not planning on any of that. Instead, I'm planning on dragging her whining ass through the woods in the middle of the night at a snails pace and forcing her to look up at the really bright stars. I'll need a plan B if it's raining or cloudy. In other words, I plan on forcing her to "love" this so much, she will want to run an ultra.
Kim- One of the first people I asked to help crew me for this. Kim is the organized planner. She gets an idea, she plans, she executes. That is Kim and she is a must for this. Kim also will provide not only me, but the rest of the crew with many hours of lighthearted humor. I see her as kind of "the manager". In fact, Kim, you are officially the Manager of the crew. Kim will know what supplies I need at what aid station and be sure that everything is where is should be (right, Kim?). Kim can do a ridiculous amount of work in the amount of time that I could only do a few tasks. To give you an idea, this past week, Kim painted and cleaned nearly her entire house (they are getting it ready to sell), left for a business trip on Thursday, caught the red-eye that night, flew through the night, got home in time to see the kids off to school and stayed up to pack and move stuff in preparation for company this weekend. Oh yes, and then we met her on our run yesterday morning. She got up to run, instead of spending that time sleeping in like most mere mortals would have. Need I say more as to why I need her?
Greg- (aka Inspector Gadget) Greg is the guy who will do WHATEVER is asked of him. Greg will run anytime someone needs a companion in the wee hours of the morning and doesn't feel safe or motivated to do it on her own. Greg often plans the routes of the long runs, the stopping and starting points, allowing people to jump in and out for whatever distance they need. Greg loves gadgets and has the technology skills we all flock to when we need help in this department. He is the numbers guy. He is a source of quiet comfort and has become so used to listening to a bunch of complaining women. I see him as incredibly valuable when I am at the point of just needing a pacer who will listen and keep me moving forward, navigating the dark trails when my sense of direction is completely gone (of course, I don't have to be doing an ultra for that to happen).
Nancy- Crazy, lighthearted, hilarious, crass, realistic and privately tenderhearted. Can you see why I want her? Nancy is a kindergarten teacher who deals with kids that come from some pretty rough backgrounds. She approaches life at work and home with the notion that we not take everything so darn seriously all the time. She LOVES LOVES LOVES her "kindergarten babies" and is usually crazy attached to the ones who are the neediest in terms of needing love and affection. Nancy is the one, who at 5:15 am, during our TRX class, will suddenly be grinding on the straps when a song comes on that she likes. While the rest of us are grumpy and complaining about how hard it is, Nancy keeps it in check and makes us laugh... hard. I can only imagine the things she will pull out when life is not so funny in the later miles of this race.
Erin- By accident, chance or Divine intervention, Erin came into our group last summer. I met Erin several years ago at her sister's bridal shower and had gotten to know her a little bit at family get togethers on John's side. Erin is the sister of John's cousin, Rick's, wife (got that?). She and her family were occasionally at the same things we were that her sister was hosting. Last summer, at her niece's graduation party, we got to talking about her first upcoming half Ironman. As the conversation evolved, I began to work my magic in convincing her to think about running a full marathon. I invited her to run with our group, as the long runs particularly can be so mentally challenging to do alone. Not much later, Erin came out and ran with us. She continued to train and eventually signed up to run the full Columbus marathon that same fall (2012). The group training for that one was training for a Boston Qualifier. Erin was the only one who had never run a full marathon. Take one look at this tiny powerhouse and the writing was on the wall. Erin, indeed, qualified for Boston running her very first marathon along with the Jen and Cheryl. I'd wanted to dislike her for that, but I can't. She is equal parts competitive and humility. She is sweet and so easy to like. And she likes trail running so I like her a lot.... even though she nailed a BQ in her first marathon. Erin has been with me on a trail run where neither of us knew where we were going. But her adaptability and go with the flow mentality made a rough run a really great experience, even though we were lost most of the time. Not to mention we had very difficult and muddy trail conditions. Erin will be awesome should the absolute unexpected pop up... and it very well may :)
Jen- Jen will be the drill sergeant. I mean that in the best way possible. When Jen first started running with us, she was post baby number 3 and had long abandoned her days as a marathoner. She came out to the track one morning and walked/jogged around the track. She was starting over. Fast forward 4 months or so and Jen was running the Columbus half marathon in a 1:46 or something like that. That is Jen in a nutshell. Goal oriented and determined. I've seen her time again start from scratch and build to excellence. This past fall, Jen had the job of pacer for herself, Cheryl and Erin during the Columbus Marathon. Being the most experienced of the three marathoners, this naturally fell to her. These three would run in pursuit of a BQ (Jen's second), but would run their own race even if one fell back. Jen had no intention of letting one fall back, however. Somewhere in the middle miles, Cheryl's IT band caused some issues and it became very difficult for her to keep pace (although SHE DID!!) Jen refused to respond to Cheryl's distressed words of discomfort. Jen knew that would be the demise of Cheryl's race... to entertain her pain with sympathy. I know that sounds harsh, but for Cheryl it was needed and Jen innately knew that. Her tactic worked. This is not to say she was mean or unsympathetic. At one point she took Cheryl's hand and pulled her along for awhile, ignoring her own fatigue running at that pace for so long. She was very sympathetic, but knew the best way to provide comfort was not to coddle her, but rather encourage her without words. I see myself needing this kind of encouragement at many points and so it will be awesome to have Jen.
Kristie- I don't run with Kristie. Kristie usually runs with Nancy. Kristie is one of those rare breeds that can abandon a half marathon training plan and decide on a whim to run a full because her training buddies are doing it. And then she can run that full marathon beautifully. Kristie approached me several weeks ago and let me know that she would like to help in any way possible with my race. I don't know if she could see the absolute shock in my face or not at that moment. Not knowing that I was recently going through a moment of panic when I thought I could not do this, I felt this was definitely God's way of letting me know that I would have plenty of help and that I would in no way be alone during this race. The timing of her offer was just too perfect to be deemed as coincidence. Kristie is sweet and fun and will be such an awesome addition to an already amazing crew. I can't thank you enough for offering when you did, Kristie :)
Suttan- Suttan was going to crew me, as I cannot imagine not having her there. Suttan is the same sweet soul who nearly abandoned her own race goal of a PR at Air Force to stay with me when I was falling back. She also bought trail shoes to begin doing some trail running in prep for Burning River, even though she hates it. Now that is a great friend! But Suttan's husband, Keith, turns 50 the same weekend as the race and no way should she miss throwing him a party to crew me. Your spouse must always come before your friends. That is a no-brainer. And although I am so sad she won't be there, I also would not want her to ditch her husband on his birthday. So I know that Suttan will be there in spirit, wishing for the best outcome. I will miss her dry humor and funny stories about Keith :) And I am sure she will invite me to soak in her pool when I get back so that I can tell her all about it in person. And then she maybe can help with my next hundred after that.
God-I've left the best, most important crew member for last. I did this on purpose because after God, everything and everyone else pales in comparison. Though my husband and friends have certainly been there through so much of this journey, it is God who is there at all times. It is God who gives the gifts of passion, desire, determination and strength. Without those, a goal like this is unfathomable. It is God, who through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, whispered this idea of using this race to do something that will help so many. Since I was toying with it anyway, make it about honoring Him and giving back. And so it is important to acknowledge that because a feat like this is so huge in terms of pushing past human limits of endurance, we must look to the One who makes anything and everything he sees fit, possible. Even the most unimaginable and impossible. One can look no further than little miss Nora Yusko to see God's ability to make possible the impossible. Because I know His power, I know I will not fail, so long as I keep Him at the forefront of this goal.
There are no words that can justly thank this wonderful group of people who are doing this for me and with me. There are many reasons why we all run, some different and some the same. I am so blessed that we share the common notion of "getting it" without having to explain it.
I've attached a link for my crew... just in case you needed some tips :)
http://fellrnr.com/wiki/Crewing_an_Ultra
I have crewed this distance before and it was tougher than I ever imagined it would be. It was fun, no doubt. I'd do it again and in worse conditions if given the opportunity. But it was exhausting and painful as well. As a crew member, what kept me positive and upbeat was my brother, the runner, and all the other exhausted determined runners filing into the aid stations or along the course when I was out there too. I now know not to ever underestimate the exhaustion and work required of the crew. It is a huge undertaking and when considering "who" I would like to help me do this, I had to look no further than my own running group. This group of people have run countless long runs and experienced all the same highs and lows, ups and downs, good runs and shitty runs over the course of a few years now. They know what I'm like when running... when I'm bitchy or calm or annoyed or quiet (rarely). And they keep running along side me, or ahead of me, so they are the best choice. I want them to know what they are getting into. I think it's called full disclosure. And I want to say that this would in no way be possible without them. I am not Jack, who twice has only had one crew member to help him through 100 miles. I am going to be needy and difficult at times and I am going to need them very, VERY much to ignore that whining voice of mine, wanting to quit.
I am working on toughening up by forcing myself to run alone at times. That is going to be a bit easier after the Flying Pig marathon, when some of my friends will be finished with the races they are training for and kicking back, preparing to enjoy a well-deserved, relaxing, running only when they want to, summer. Thankfully, however, two of the crew members will be in the heart of training for some pretty hefty challenges at the end of the summer. One is considering the full Ironman distance and one is toying with her first 1/2 Ironman. And to be quite honest, those that are in the peak of their marathon training right now may full well decide to do a fall race after a few weeks of downtime. We are kind of idiotic like that... we cannot WAIT to be done with training... to kick back and not worry about long runs and speed workouts. But we also cannot STAND when there is no actual goal in sight. And so we sign up for something and do it all over again. Here is how it goes, like directions on a shampoo bottle.... Recover from our race, Register for another one, Run our hearts out in training, Recite that we can't wait to be done and not have a race to worry about, Race, Repeat. We are, indeed, creatures of habit.
And so, with much excitement and anticipation, I present to you... the Burning River crew:
John- Duh, my husband. He wouldn't miss it for anything and I wouldn't do this if he could not be there. But he could also be the weak link when it comes to seeing me in horrible shape. There have been times he has really pushed me when I don't feel well and because he is my husband, he has been the recipient of some pretty harsh backlash from me. He has implied that I am "wussing out" at times and nothing makes me madder than when he does that and I really feel bad. But between you and me, sometimes that heckling ignites something I didn't quite realize was there and I am able to overcome a bad spell. HOWEVER.... if he thinks for a second that I could die or really get hurt, without reservations, he will pull the plug on the entire thing. So I need to keep that in mind when I choose to act like a dying idiot. In other words, toughness is a must during this race when he is involved.
Sarah- Second to John, this is THE person who has been with me through every single goal since the very beginning of my goal oriented days. From that first e-mail in 2008, stating my goal of running a BQ marathon, and everything in between.... the failures, heartbreak, injuries, triumphs, bad moods, fabulous workouts, horrible exhaustion, overtraining and perfect training (JFK 50 was what I would deem my perfect training and race execution), she has been constant. I suppose she, like John, has the potential to also be a weak link by the sheer nature of our friendship. But I'm not planning on any of that. Instead, I'm planning on dragging her whining ass through the woods in the middle of the night at a snails pace and forcing her to look up at the really bright stars. I'll need a plan B if it's raining or cloudy. In other words, I plan on forcing her to "love" this so much, she will want to run an ultra.
Kim- One of the first people I asked to help crew me for this. Kim is the organized planner. She gets an idea, she plans, she executes. That is Kim and she is a must for this. Kim also will provide not only me, but the rest of the crew with many hours of lighthearted humor. I see her as kind of "the manager". In fact, Kim, you are officially the Manager of the crew. Kim will know what supplies I need at what aid station and be sure that everything is where is should be (right, Kim?). Kim can do a ridiculous amount of work in the amount of time that I could only do a few tasks. To give you an idea, this past week, Kim painted and cleaned nearly her entire house (they are getting it ready to sell), left for a business trip on Thursday, caught the red-eye that night, flew through the night, got home in time to see the kids off to school and stayed up to pack and move stuff in preparation for company this weekend. Oh yes, and then we met her on our run yesterday morning. She got up to run, instead of spending that time sleeping in like most mere mortals would have. Need I say more as to why I need her?
Greg- (aka Inspector Gadget) Greg is the guy who will do WHATEVER is asked of him. Greg will run anytime someone needs a companion in the wee hours of the morning and doesn't feel safe or motivated to do it on her own. Greg often plans the routes of the long runs, the stopping and starting points, allowing people to jump in and out for whatever distance they need. Greg loves gadgets and has the technology skills we all flock to when we need help in this department. He is the numbers guy. He is a source of quiet comfort and has become so used to listening to a bunch of complaining women. I see him as incredibly valuable when I am at the point of just needing a pacer who will listen and keep me moving forward, navigating the dark trails when my sense of direction is completely gone (of course, I don't have to be doing an ultra for that to happen).
Nancy- Crazy, lighthearted, hilarious, crass, realistic and privately tenderhearted. Can you see why I want her? Nancy is a kindergarten teacher who deals with kids that come from some pretty rough backgrounds. She approaches life at work and home with the notion that we not take everything so darn seriously all the time. She LOVES LOVES LOVES her "kindergarten babies" and is usually crazy attached to the ones who are the neediest in terms of needing love and affection. Nancy is the one, who at 5:15 am, during our TRX class, will suddenly be grinding on the straps when a song comes on that she likes. While the rest of us are grumpy and complaining about how hard it is, Nancy keeps it in check and makes us laugh... hard. I can only imagine the things she will pull out when life is not so funny in the later miles of this race.
Erin- By accident, chance or Divine intervention, Erin came into our group last summer. I met Erin several years ago at her sister's bridal shower and had gotten to know her a little bit at family get togethers on John's side. Erin is the sister of John's cousin, Rick's, wife (got that?). She and her family were occasionally at the same things we were that her sister was hosting. Last summer, at her niece's graduation party, we got to talking about her first upcoming half Ironman. As the conversation evolved, I began to work my magic in convincing her to think about running a full marathon. I invited her to run with our group, as the long runs particularly can be so mentally challenging to do alone. Not much later, Erin came out and ran with us. She continued to train and eventually signed up to run the full Columbus marathon that same fall (2012). The group training for that one was training for a Boston Qualifier. Erin was the only one who had never run a full marathon. Take one look at this tiny powerhouse and the writing was on the wall. Erin, indeed, qualified for Boston running her very first marathon along with the Jen and Cheryl. I'd wanted to dislike her for that, but I can't. She is equal parts competitive and humility. She is sweet and so easy to like. And she likes trail running so I like her a lot.... even though she nailed a BQ in her first marathon. Erin has been with me on a trail run where neither of us knew where we were going. But her adaptability and go with the flow mentality made a rough run a really great experience, even though we were lost most of the time. Not to mention we had very difficult and muddy trail conditions. Erin will be awesome should the absolute unexpected pop up... and it very well may :)
Jen- Jen will be the drill sergeant. I mean that in the best way possible. When Jen first started running with us, she was post baby number 3 and had long abandoned her days as a marathoner. She came out to the track one morning and walked/jogged around the track. She was starting over. Fast forward 4 months or so and Jen was running the Columbus half marathon in a 1:46 or something like that. That is Jen in a nutshell. Goal oriented and determined. I've seen her time again start from scratch and build to excellence. This past fall, Jen had the job of pacer for herself, Cheryl and Erin during the Columbus Marathon. Being the most experienced of the three marathoners, this naturally fell to her. These three would run in pursuit of a BQ (Jen's second), but would run their own race even if one fell back. Jen had no intention of letting one fall back, however. Somewhere in the middle miles, Cheryl's IT band caused some issues and it became very difficult for her to keep pace (although SHE DID!!) Jen refused to respond to Cheryl's distressed words of discomfort. Jen knew that would be the demise of Cheryl's race... to entertain her pain with sympathy. I know that sounds harsh, but for Cheryl it was needed and Jen innately knew that. Her tactic worked. This is not to say she was mean or unsympathetic. At one point she took Cheryl's hand and pulled her along for awhile, ignoring her own fatigue running at that pace for so long. She was very sympathetic, but knew the best way to provide comfort was not to coddle her, but rather encourage her without words. I see myself needing this kind of encouragement at many points and so it will be awesome to have Jen.
Kristie- I don't run with Kristie. Kristie usually runs with Nancy. Kristie is one of those rare breeds that can abandon a half marathon training plan and decide on a whim to run a full because her training buddies are doing it. And then she can run that full marathon beautifully. Kristie approached me several weeks ago and let me know that she would like to help in any way possible with my race. I don't know if she could see the absolute shock in my face or not at that moment. Not knowing that I was recently going through a moment of panic when I thought I could not do this, I felt this was definitely God's way of letting me know that I would have plenty of help and that I would in no way be alone during this race. The timing of her offer was just too perfect to be deemed as coincidence. Kristie is sweet and fun and will be such an awesome addition to an already amazing crew. I can't thank you enough for offering when you did, Kristie :)
Suttan- Suttan was going to crew me, as I cannot imagine not having her there. Suttan is the same sweet soul who nearly abandoned her own race goal of a PR at Air Force to stay with me when I was falling back. She also bought trail shoes to begin doing some trail running in prep for Burning River, even though she hates it. Now that is a great friend! But Suttan's husband, Keith, turns 50 the same weekend as the race and no way should she miss throwing him a party to crew me. Your spouse must always come before your friends. That is a no-brainer. And although I am so sad she won't be there, I also would not want her to ditch her husband on his birthday. So I know that Suttan will be there in spirit, wishing for the best outcome. I will miss her dry humor and funny stories about Keith :) And I am sure she will invite me to soak in her pool when I get back so that I can tell her all about it in person. And then she maybe can help with my next hundred after that.
God-I've left the best, most important crew member for last. I did this on purpose because after God, everything and everyone else pales in comparison. Though my husband and friends have certainly been there through so much of this journey, it is God who is there at all times. It is God who gives the gifts of passion, desire, determination and strength. Without those, a goal like this is unfathomable. It is God, who through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, whispered this idea of using this race to do something that will help so many. Since I was toying with it anyway, make it about honoring Him and giving back. And so it is important to acknowledge that because a feat like this is so huge in terms of pushing past human limits of endurance, we must look to the One who makes anything and everything he sees fit, possible. Even the most unimaginable and impossible. One can look no further than little miss Nora Yusko to see God's ability to make possible the impossible. Because I know His power, I know I will not fail, so long as I keep Him at the forefront of this goal.
There are no words that can justly thank this wonderful group of people who are doing this for me and with me. There are many reasons why we all run, some different and some the same. I am so blessed that we share the common notion of "getting it" without having to explain it.
I've attached a link for my crew... just in case you needed some tips :)
http://fellrnr.com/wiki/Crewing_an_Ultra
Monday, March 18, 2013
Confined
My family and I are parishioners at a local Catholic church. My kids attend school, we attend weekly mass and are involved in several other parish life activities there. We love our small, but growing, church community. But I've noticed an interesting phenomenon in the majority of outlying parishes as well. And I believe you find it everywhere, spanning across not just the Catholic faith, but many religions.
I've noticed that at mass, the community of parishioners are reverent, prayerful and uplifted spiritually. That we all bow our heads to pray, recite the Lord's Prayer and many other prayers, listen to the gospel as well as the old and new testament readings, and sing together. We shake hands during the sign of peace and answer petitions for prayer for others.
But the minute so many of us step out of that building and walk beyond the invisible wall of worship, we turn it off. Completely. Talking about God, praying with our friends and often even our families becomes an extremely uncomfortable thing for many. My question is WHY? I don't understand how one minute we acknowledge and praise the presence of God in our every day lives, vow to live in union with our neighbors and love one another and the next minute, we are very uneasy with any conversation whatsoever that involves these concepts. This to me is hypocrisy at it's worst.
I'm not innocent. Although I feel very comfortable discussing God and spirituality with many of my close friends and family, there are even more that I find myself shying away from the subject with. These are even people who may sit next to me in mass. I tell myself that we are all on similar journeys in faith, but at different points. If you "bombard" (what a horrible word to describe discussing Jesus's teachings) someone with discussions of God when they are uncomfortable with it, you become, in their minds, fanatical. I don't want to be known as a fanatic. People shut out fanatical people and then nothing they say penetrates hearts and minds. It certainly does not transform them. Maybe because many "fanatics"(for lack of a better word) come across as judgemental or like a zealot.
But there is an art to discussing Jesus and exemplifying his teachings with the world around you. Truly, there is. And it does not always have to be in the spoken word. It is in the lived word. Have you ever met anyone who is kind? And I mean REALLY, genuinely kind? Someone who sees good in everyone, offers help to anyone and is just an all around cheerful human being? This is someone who, when you are being catty or wrapped up in selfishness, can steer a conversation away from that direction and make you walk away a better person? They can never mention the name "God" or "Jesus", but you know they are living His word by their very actions and words.
I know that person and she is my mother. How fortunate am I that I was raised by such a person? For me to act any differently (and I shamefully admit I do at times) is a dishonor to her. And so I do try (and fail, and try and fail and so on....) to be more like her.
That person is also my husband. How fortunate am I to be raising children with him? God bless him and what he got himself into marrying me! He is quietly and deeply spiritual, extremely forgiving and generous to a fault. And so I try (and often fail...) to be more like him.
That outwardly holy person, however, and one that is unapologetic in his beliefs about our faith, is my dad. And the example that my dad set growing up was quite different than my mom's. My dad is a zealot. I mean that in the nicest way. He drug our friends in the house, with his kids kicking and screaming, to say the nightly rosary. He has no qualms about speaking truth with certainty to anyone. His love for Christ and His teachings is glaringly evident. He not only speaks openly about our faith, but he lives it. He, too, is generous beyond words. He would give his last dime to someone with less. I have witnessed him doing so many times. He is not quite as diplomatic as my mother... he gets a little hot under the collar with his convictions. But it's good. No, in fact, it's wonderful. He and my mom are the perfect balance.
And so I look at where I am and where I am headed. I have the softer side of my mom and also the more verbal side of my dad. Where I see them coming together and working wonders is during our prayers while running. On Saturday we ran a 20 mile long run. There were 7 of us that ran the first 10 miles together and 5 that finished out the 20. Only Jen and Erin had ever prayed the rosary on a run with me before. Mark and Helen had not. So again I wondered if it's appropriate to "push" this on them. Maybe they didn't want to say the rosary or really even pray at all. This was their long run too so why should I make them? Oh the ways you know who can enter your brain and steer you away from focusing on Jesus! So I asked Helen if they would mind. She said "I have been praying while running too!" And so with Jen as my right hand man (thanks, Jen :), we said the rosary and offered it up for so many of our suffering friends and family members. This was at around mile 14. Without fail, the effort was easier while we prayed. We even had a bit of a hill to plow up. The effort seemed minimal. When we finished up, Erin said "That was good." And we finished out the remaining miles. The only thing I missed was a sighting of the Blessed Mother, who Sarah and I have seen each time we've said the rosary. But she may well have been somewhere... I just forgot to look :)
It is time for us to acknowledge what we spend every Sunday acknowledging... that God is in fact, present every moment of our lives. He does not vanish when we walk out of the church building or when we cross the lawn to our cars. He stays. Why do we put Him in a box or wrap an invisible wall around Him? It's not good to do that. Exercising our faith is like exercising our bodies. We can do it once a week and that's nice, but by the time the next week rolls around, if we haven't been doing anything else in regard to it, the benefits are gone. Consistent prayer, reverent prayer, awareness of God's presence always is how we change. Just like exercise. Consistency yields dramatic results.
Happy rainy Monday!
But there is an art to discussing Jesus and exemplifying his teachings with the world around you. Truly, there is. And it does not always have to be in the spoken word. It is in the lived word. Have you ever met anyone who is kind? And I mean REALLY, genuinely kind? Someone who sees good in everyone, offers help to anyone and is just an all around cheerful human being? This is someone who, when you are being catty or wrapped up in selfishness, can steer a conversation away from that direction and make you walk away a better person? They can never mention the name "God" or "Jesus", but you know they are living His word by their very actions and words.
I know that person and she is my mother. How fortunate am I that I was raised by such a person? For me to act any differently (and I shamefully admit I do at times) is a dishonor to her. And so I do try (and fail, and try and fail and so on....) to be more like her.
That person is also my husband. How fortunate am I to be raising children with him? God bless him and what he got himself into marrying me! He is quietly and deeply spiritual, extremely forgiving and generous to a fault. And so I try (and often fail...) to be more like him.
That outwardly holy person, however, and one that is unapologetic in his beliefs about our faith, is my dad. And the example that my dad set growing up was quite different than my mom's. My dad is a zealot. I mean that in the nicest way. He drug our friends in the house, with his kids kicking and screaming, to say the nightly rosary. He has no qualms about speaking truth with certainty to anyone. His love for Christ and His teachings is glaringly evident. He not only speaks openly about our faith, but he lives it. He, too, is generous beyond words. He would give his last dime to someone with less. I have witnessed him doing so many times. He is not quite as diplomatic as my mother... he gets a little hot under the collar with his convictions. But it's good. No, in fact, it's wonderful. He and my mom are the perfect balance.
And so I look at where I am and where I am headed. I have the softer side of my mom and also the more verbal side of my dad. Where I see them coming together and working wonders is during our prayers while running. On Saturday we ran a 20 mile long run. There were 7 of us that ran the first 10 miles together and 5 that finished out the 20. Only Jen and Erin had ever prayed the rosary on a run with me before. Mark and Helen had not. So again I wondered if it's appropriate to "push" this on them. Maybe they didn't want to say the rosary or really even pray at all. This was their long run too so why should I make them? Oh the ways you know who can enter your brain and steer you away from focusing on Jesus! So I asked Helen if they would mind. She said "I have been praying while running too!" And so with Jen as my right hand man (thanks, Jen :), we said the rosary and offered it up for so many of our suffering friends and family members. This was at around mile 14. Without fail, the effort was easier while we prayed. We even had a bit of a hill to plow up. The effort seemed minimal. When we finished up, Erin said "That was good." And we finished out the remaining miles. The only thing I missed was a sighting of the Blessed Mother, who Sarah and I have seen each time we've said the rosary. But she may well have been somewhere... I just forgot to look :)
It is time for us to acknowledge what we spend every Sunday acknowledging... that God is in fact, present every moment of our lives. He does not vanish when we walk out of the church building or when we cross the lawn to our cars. He stays. Why do we put Him in a box or wrap an invisible wall around Him? It's not good to do that. Exercising our faith is like exercising our bodies. We can do it once a week and that's nice, but by the time the next week rolls around, if we haven't been doing anything else in regard to it, the benefits are gone. Consistent prayer, reverent prayer, awareness of God's presence always is how we change. Just like exercise. Consistency yields dramatic results.
Happy rainy Monday!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
So long, iPhone
I hardly recognize myself anymore. Last evening, a friend said to me, "What is happening to you?" I searched her face to decipher whether she meant that in a good way or a bad way. I think she meant it in a good way, but one can never be too sure.
She was referring to the fact that after the temporary loss of my THIRD iPhone and my half-hearted attempt to find it, I drove myself to the local AT&T store (before I could talk myself out of what I was about to do), and purchased a new phone. Contrary to the immediate belief of readers who know me that I purchased the iPhone 5, I actually walked in and said to the completely tattooed twenty-something year old man working, "I need a phone. Just a phone that makes calls and texts. That's it. Nothing else on it." The guy looked at me and nodded and said "What kind of phone did you have?" I thought he was going to pass out when I said "I lost my iPhone. That would be my THIRD iPhone. One broke, one was stolen and this one is lost" (but not really lost... I mean, I knew it was in my house). He looked at me in complete bewilderment and said "Why would you EVERRRR go back to a basic phone after an iPhone????"
I wish I had simply said that the data package was too expensive and I just could not afford it. That would have shut down the convo because no one can argue with you when the funds just aren't there (except maybe for loan officers who tell you that you can afford way more than you really can :). But no. I tried to explain that I no longer wanted the distraction in my life. That my phone was in control of me... no matter where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, I always needed to know where that stupid thing was. That my baby told me I never listened to her because I was always looking at my phone... checking Facebook, reading e-mails, scanning food for myfitnesspal, reading articles and the list goes on. That I yelled at my kids incessantly for touching it, losing it and fighting over it when they wanted to play games.
Yeah, try telling that to essentially a kid, who has only lived long enough for this to be normal. He looked at me like "...and your point is?" He then assured me that I would HATE my new phone (which I do because I am in total withdrawal this morning) and that I'd be back to get an iPhone before my two week return period is over. I hate that he said that because had he NOT said it, he would probably be right. But because he said it, I'll be damned if I walk back into that store and purchase a new phone. I'll go to the Colerain Avenue store if I really must return to my old phone habits. Little punk.
I must say, the more prayerful I become, the more clarity I have. Clarity to see the things that matter. And millions of people gain clarity every day, but fail to ever change. This was another step in my wholehearted and honest attempt to change myself. Let me tell you that for now, it sucks. But I am confident in the end, I will be better for it. Smartphones are not bad. In fact, they are a genius invention for people who use them properly and are not enslaved to them. This does not describe me. I do need a phone because I am separated from my kids during the day and often not home. I always take one while running because often I am many miles from home and lots can happen... it's just wise. But I don't need a smartphone. Even with the calendar app, I double book stuff, forget appointments and dates and many other things. I'm still scatter brained and disorganized, despite this amazing invention that should really be helping me with that. My excuses to own it, when looked at with complete honesty, are simply excuses. Because I want it. The only thing it has done, though, has distracted me more at home, while driving and even while spending time with friends and family. It has added nothing good to my life at all. No matter the long list of reasons I have used to try to convince myself otherwise.
My friends think it's funny, my 14 year old can't believe I would be so dumb and let's not forget tattoo dude, who will never, ever wrap his brain around this. Ever.
But here is what I am more focused on than ever... at the end of my life, when standing before God, and He asks me why I cluttered my life with so many "things" that kept ME (again as not to judge everyone with a smartphone...some people use them very wisely... I don't) from what was important, I WILL NOT be care one bit what my friends, my 14 year old OR tattoo dude thinks.
She was referring to the fact that after the temporary loss of my THIRD iPhone and my half-hearted attempt to find it, I drove myself to the local AT&T store (before I could talk myself out of what I was about to do), and purchased a new phone. Contrary to the immediate belief of readers who know me that I purchased the iPhone 5, I actually walked in and said to the completely tattooed twenty-something year old man working, "I need a phone. Just a phone that makes calls and texts. That's it. Nothing else on it." The guy looked at me and nodded and said "What kind of phone did you have?" I thought he was going to pass out when I said "I lost my iPhone. That would be my THIRD iPhone. One broke, one was stolen and this one is lost" (but not really lost... I mean, I knew it was in my house). He looked at me in complete bewilderment and said "Why would you EVERRRR go back to a basic phone after an iPhone????"
I wish I had simply said that the data package was too expensive and I just could not afford it. That would have shut down the convo because no one can argue with you when the funds just aren't there (except maybe for loan officers who tell you that you can afford way more than you really can :). But no. I tried to explain that I no longer wanted the distraction in my life. That my phone was in control of me... no matter where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, I always needed to know where that stupid thing was. That my baby told me I never listened to her because I was always looking at my phone... checking Facebook, reading e-mails, scanning food for myfitnesspal, reading articles and the list goes on. That I yelled at my kids incessantly for touching it, losing it and fighting over it when they wanted to play games.
Yeah, try telling that to essentially a kid, who has only lived long enough for this to be normal. He looked at me like "...and your point is?" He then assured me that I would HATE my new phone (which I do because I am in total withdrawal this morning) and that I'd be back to get an iPhone before my two week return period is over. I hate that he said that because had he NOT said it, he would probably be right. But because he said it, I'll be damned if I walk back into that store and purchase a new phone. I'll go to the Colerain Avenue store if I really must return to my old phone habits. Little punk.
I must say, the more prayerful I become, the more clarity I have. Clarity to see the things that matter. And millions of people gain clarity every day, but fail to ever change. This was another step in my wholehearted and honest attempt to change myself. Let me tell you that for now, it sucks. But I am confident in the end, I will be better for it. Smartphones are not bad. In fact, they are a genius invention for people who use them properly and are not enslaved to them. This does not describe me. I do need a phone because I am separated from my kids during the day and often not home. I always take one while running because often I am many miles from home and lots can happen... it's just wise. But I don't need a smartphone. Even with the calendar app, I double book stuff, forget appointments and dates and many other things. I'm still scatter brained and disorganized, despite this amazing invention that should really be helping me with that. My excuses to own it, when looked at with complete honesty, are simply excuses. Because I want it. The only thing it has done, though, has distracted me more at home, while driving and even while spending time with friends and family. It has added nothing good to my life at all. No matter the long list of reasons I have used to try to convince myself otherwise.
My friends think it's funny, my 14 year old can't believe I would be so dumb and let's not forget tattoo dude, who will never, ever wrap his brain around this. Ever.
But here is what I am more focused on than ever... at the end of my life, when standing before God, and He asks me why I cluttered my life with so many "things" that kept ME (again as not to judge everyone with a smartphone...some people use them very wisely... I don't) from what was important, I WILL NOT be care one bit what my friends, my 14 year old OR tattoo dude thinks.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Joy
The title of this post is a very simple concept really. Yet it is one of the hardest things to achieve AND hang on to for any significant amount of time. Suppose you could hang on to feelings of joy continuously... every day... in every situation. Most of us probably think that we would do whatever it took to achieve that if we knew WHAT it was that we should do. But I also think most of us discount the power of what it is we must do to obtain it. I can tell you what it is and I can tell you that I am working on doing it. I can tell you I'm not there yet, but I can also tell you I'm way closer than I was even a month ago.
The thing we must do EVERY day, in every situation, without fail, is pray. When we present our needs to God, no matter how petty they seem, or unimportant, or unworthy of His time and attention and when we surrender ourselves to His will for us and simply listen and follow, joy results. This is nothing new or groundbreaking. This is the way it has always been. But sadly, we don't believe it. We just do not believe that putting God first in our lives and in control of everything makes one bit of difference in our overall happiness. Instead, we wander around aimlessly, looking for the magic pill, the magic product, the magic running shoes, the magic race, the magic person that will bring us what only God can. We will never find it. Never. Keep buying stuff and keep filling our schedules with new, different and exciting adventures and places to go, and temporarily we are satisfied and think we are joyful. But that joy is temporary and transient. True and pure happiness and joy results ONLY when we recognize that God is in control... of us and of everything.
I want to tell you a story. I can honestly say that a year ago, I would not be telling this story publicly. But a year ago there are many things I would not do that I do today. I have often struggled with the huge imbalance between how much time and effort I put into my physical appearance, health, etc.. compared to the amount of time I put into my spiritual health. When I signed up to do the Burning River this summer I realized that I would be spending a large amount of time and energy training and I really wanted to do something that acknowledged the gift of being able to even dream I could do something like this. So I decided that I would run this race and raise money by obtaining pledges per mile and have every penny donated (ponytailrunning.com for further explanation :) I made a pact, so to speak, with God. I promised that I would use training as prayer time. I would pray for myself and for others while running alone. I asked that He keep me safe and healthy. As pleased as God was with this, He wanted a bit more from me. Something I was not comfortable with. Something that quite frankly, seemed awkward. I created a Facebook page called "Operation Run 100" and its purpose is for people to leave prayer requests that I can honor during my training. But something happened. I was not always running alone and so in my mind, I was not able to pray.
When our friend Tammy was diagnosed with breast cancer, I promised her that I would keep her in my prayers. One Friday morning, Tammy was going for a PET scan to see if the cancer had spread to any other parts of her body or to her lymph nodes. The time of the scan was set for 10 am, right around the time I was to be running trails with John. Now I am totally comfortable praying with my husband, but that day, Tammy's sister-in-law, Kim, was to run with us. Kim is a pretty prayerful person so I told her ahead of time to bring her rosary beads and we would say it for Tammy... that her PET scan would yield good results. We started our run at roughly 9:30 and as 10:00 rolled around, we pulled out our beads. I'll admit, it felt weird at first. To not be in a church setting and be praying out loud with someone other than my own family. But soon the weirdness went away and we said the entire rosary with Tammy as our intention. It was nice. (BTW, Tammy's PET scan did have the results we wanted:)
Two weeks later, a neighbor posted on my page requesting prayers for a friend and young mother, also with breast cancer, who was to undergo a double mastectomy a few weeks later. I replied that I would certainly pray for her that day while I ran. As soon as I posted that comment, I realized that again, I was running with friends and decided the prayer would have to wait until I was running alone. Immediately the voice of reason, that I can only explain as God Himself, asked me why I would not pray with the ladies I was running with that day. I was running with Kim, but was also running with Suttan and Jen. Quite frankly I knew why. I didn't want Suttan or Jen to think I was weird. I didn't want them to be uncomfortable and I didn't want to be either. I then was answered with "Then you are not really doing what you said you would do." UGH!!! Why does He DO THAT? I decided at that moment that no matter what, I would honor what I had promised. I explained that I would be saying the rosary to Jen and Suttan. They were happy to run along and join me. Again, the awkwardness that was there in the beginning, dissipated quickly. It was a physically difficult run that day. The wind was in our faces and we were tired. Strangely enough, during the 15 minutes it took for Kim and I to recite the mysteries, the effort was not nearly as hard for us. The focus was on our intentions: Tammy, Darlene, Lauren, our families and each other.
Two other times while running in a group, we have prayed the rosary. Last Sunday, there were seven of us. We are across the board in our religious backgrounds and our spirituality. Some of the runners had never said the rosary. But for 15 minutes, there we were, running and praying...either silently or out loud. Our intentions were stated in the beginning.... as always, Tammy. Also, Darlene, Kevin, Lauren, Anna's dad, Beth's mom... and so on. It was, to say the least, a defining moment for me.
Now for the creepy, yet amazing part of my story.... Several weeks ago, I switched to a minimalist running shoe. I was accustomed to wearing the Asics Nimbus, which are a heavily padded shoe with a significant heel lift. I did not switch slowly, but simply just switched. As most runners know, and as my dear, sweet Sarah pointed out, this was not the wisest thing to do. But for three weeks, I ran fine and with no problems. Slowly, but surely, I began to develop pain that seemed to radiate from my butt down my hamstring. It wasn't super noticeable at first, but as I continued to run on it, refusing to EVER mention this to Sarah for fear of the inevitable "I TOLD YOU!", the pain worsened. I stretched, rolled and massaged. It didn't hurt too much when I ran, but man, when I was done, I sure felt it. I continued to not say a word. My sick kids were a perfect alibi to not get out and further damage whatever it was that was hurting so bad. I believe my piriformis muscle was inflamed and compressing my sciatic nerve, causing the pain down my hamstring. I had this before, but not to this extent. One of the runners in our group struggled with this same injury for months and was unable to do much running at all. Silently I was beginning to panic.
Last Saturday I ran 9 miles and hit a large hill on my route. I sat in a meeting for a few hours that day and was so uncomfortable that I continuously shifted in my chair, trying to relieve the discomfort in my left leg and butt. Sunday morning I popped 600 mg of ibuprofen and headed out for a hilly 17 miles with the group (this was the run where we said the rosary as a group of 7). I attributed the fact that I was not uncomfortable to the ibuprofen. I got home, jumped in the shower and hurriedly got to mass with my family. As I sat in the wooden pew, the pain began to radiate down my leg. I bowed my head and silently prayed... "God, if I am injured, how can I continue to help others get closer to You through our prayers while we run. Isn't this what you want from me? Please, fix this." Mass ended, the day went on with the many busy activities of a family of six. I woke up the next morning, grabbed my coffee and sank into my "prayer chair". I noticed that I had no discomfort in my leg. I picked up the pamphlet of the Divine Mercy Chaplet, a prayer I have been saying daily during Lent, and a portion of the pamphlet caught my eye. When Jesus appeared to St. Faustina in the 1930s, she kept a diary of the things he told her would happen to those who said this prayer. One of the lines read "Through this chaplet, you will obtain everything, if what you ask for is compatible with My will." How could coming together as a group of runners and praying NOT be compatible with God's will?
My friends, I have run most days this week. I've run Marvin road three times (nasty hill), two of which ended with paces faster than I am used to running. My butt and my leg have been completely fine. I have felt NO pain, no discomfort and had no problems at all this week. Take from this whatever you want. I have simply laid out the facts of what has happened. I am beginning to see how this works.
Couple this occurrence with the fact that I cannot remember the last time my temper took control of me and I verbally lost it on my kids (really, it's been a couple of weeks at least). This used to happen frequently and is something I struggle to control. I ask for patience and guidance daily, trusting that I am not facing these weaknesses alone.
My hope is that the wonderful, incredible people I run with begin to feel joy daily as a result of our running together, which now includes prayer time together.
I encourage EVERYONE, catholic or not, spiritually filled or running on empty, to look up this powerful prayer. Read about it and take the 8 minutes a day or so it takes to say it, and say it.
PS... mom and dad, I promise to say this for you when you are dying (I realize to most people that sounds horrifically morbid, but I can guarantee that my parents just smiled joyfully).
The thing we must do EVERY day, in every situation, without fail, is pray. When we present our needs to God, no matter how petty they seem, or unimportant, or unworthy of His time and attention and when we surrender ourselves to His will for us and simply listen and follow, joy results. This is nothing new or groundbreaking. This is the way it has always been. But sadly, we don't believe it. We just do not believe that putting God first in our lives and in control of everything makes one bit of difference in our overall happiness. Instead, we wander around aimlessly, looking for the magic pill, the magic product, the magic running shoes, the magic race, the magic person that will bring us what only God can. We will never find it. Never. Keep buying stuff and keep filling our schedules with new, different and exciting adventures and places to go, and temporarily we are satisfied and think we are joyful. But that joy is temporary and transient. True and pure happiness and joy results ONLY when we recognize that God is in control... of us and of everything.
I want to tell you a story. I can honestly say that a year ago, I would not be telling this story publicly. But a year ago there are many things I would not do that I do today. I have often struggled with the huge imbalance between how much time and effort I put into my physical appearance, health, etc.. compared to the amount of time I put into my spiritual health. When I signed up to do the Burning River this summer I realized that I would be spending a large amount of time and energy training and I really wanted to do something that acknowledged the gift of being able to even dream I could do something like this. So I decided that I would run this race and raise money by obtaining pledges per mile and have every penny donated (ponytailrunning.com for further explanation :) I made a pact, so to speak, with God. I promised that I would use training as prayer time. I would pray for myself and for others while running alone. I asked that He keep me safe and healthy. As pleased as God was with this, He wanted a bit more from me. Something I was not comfortable with. Something that quite frankly, seemed awkward. I created a Facebook page called "Operation Run 100" and its purpose is for people to leave prayer requests that I can honor during my training. But something happened. I was not always running alone and so in my mind, I was not able to pray.
When our friend Tammy was diagnosed with breast cancer, I promised her that I would keep her in my prayers. One Friday morning, Tammy was going for a PET scan to see if the cancer had spread to any other parts of her body or to her lymph nodes. The time of the scan was set for 10 am, right around the time I was to be running trails with John. Now I am totally comfortable praying with my husband, but that day, Tammy's sister-in-law, Kim, was to run with us. Kim is a pretty prayerful person so I told her ahead of time to bring her rosary beads and we would say it for Tammy... that her PET scan would yield good results. We started our run at roughly 9:30 and as 10:00 rolled around, we pulled out our beads. I'll admit, it felt weird at first. To not be in a church setting and be praying out loud with someone other than my own family. But soon the weirdness went away and we said the entire rosary with Tammy as our intention. It was nice. (BTW, Tammy's PET scan did have the results we wanted:)
Two weeks later, a neighbor posted on my page requesting prayers for a friend and young mother, also with breast cancer, who was to undergo a double mastectomy a few weeks later. I replied that I would certainly pray for her that day while I ran. As soon as I posted that comment, I realized that again, I was running with friends and decided the prayer would have to wait until I was running alone. Immediately the voice of reason, that I can only explain as God Himself, asked me why I would not pray with the ladies I was running with that day. I was running with Kim, but was also running with Suttan and Jen. Quite frankly I knew why. I didn't want Suttan or Jen to think I was weird. I didn't want them to be uncomfortable and I didn't want to be either. I then was answered with "Then you are not really doing what you said you would do." UGH!!! Why does He DO THAT? I decided at that moment that no matter what, I would honor what I had promised. I explained that I would be saying the rosary to Jen and Suttan. They were happy to run along and join me. Again, the awkwardness that was there in the beginning, dissipated quickly. It was a physically difficult run that day. The wind was in our faces and we were tired. Strangely enough, during the 15 minutes it took for Kim and I to recite the mysteries, the effort was not nearly as hard for us. The focus was on our intentions: Tammy, Darlene, Lauren, our families and each other.
Two other times while running in a group, we have prayed the rosary. Last Sunday, there were seven of us. We are across the board in our religious backgrounds and our spirituality. Some of the runners had never said the rosary. But for 15 minutes, there we were, running and praying...either silently or out loud. Our intentions were stated in the beginning.... as always, Tammy. Also, Darlene, Kevin, Lauren, Anna's dad, Beth's mom... and so on. It was, to say the least, a defining moment for me.
Now for the creepy, yet amazing part of my story.... Several weeks ago, I switched to a minimalist running shoe. I was accustomed to wearing the Asics Nimbus, which are a heavily padded shoe with a significant heel lift. I did not switch slowly, but simply just switched. As most runners know, and as my dear, sweet Sarah pointed out, this was not the wisest thing to do. But for three weeks, I ran fine and with no problems. Slowly, but surely, I began to develop pain that seemed to radiate from my butt down my hamstring. It wasn't super noticeable at first, but as I continued to run on it, refusing to EVER mention this to Sarah for fear of the inevitable "I TOLD YOU!", the pain worsened. I stretched, rolled and massaged. It didn't hurt too much when I ran, but man, when I was done, I sure felt it. I continued to not say a word. My sick kids were a perfect alibi to not get out and further damage whatever it was that was hurting so bad. I believe my piriformis muscle was inflamed and compressing my sciatic nerve, causing the pain down my hamstring. I had this before, but not to this extent. One of the runners in our group struggled with this same injury for months and was unable to do much running at all. Silently I was beginning to panic.
Last Saturday I ran 9 miles and hit a large hill on my route. I sat in a meeting for a few hours that day and was so uncomfortable that I continuously shifted in my chair, trying to relieve the discomfort in my left leg and butt. Sunday morning I popped 600 mg of ibuprofen and headed out for a hilly 17 miles with the group (this was the run where we said the rosary as a group of 7). I attributed the fact that I was not uncomfortable to the ibuprofen. I got home, jumped in the shower and hurriedly got to mass with my family. As I sat in the wooden pew, the pain began to radiate down my leg. I bowed my head and silently prayed... "God, if I am injured, how can I continue to help others get closer to You through our prayers while we run. Isn't this what you want from me? Please, fix this." Mass ended, the day went on with the many busy activities of a family of six. I woke up the next morning, grabbed my coffee and sank into my "prayer chair". I noticed that I had no discomfort in my leg. I picked up the pamphlet of the Divine Mercy Chaplet, a prayer I have been saying daily during Lent, and a portion of the pamphlet caught my eye. When Jesus appeared to St. Faustina in the 1930s, she kept a diary of the things he told her would happen to those who said this prayer. One of the lines read "Through this chaplet, you will obtain everything, if what you ask for is compatible with My will." How could coming together as a group of runners and praying NOT be compatible with God's will?
My friends, I have run most days this week. I've run Marvin road three times (nasty hill), two of which ended with paces faster than I am used to running. My butt and my leg have been completely fine. I have felt NO pain, no discomfort and had no problems at all this week. Take from this whatever you want. I have simply laid out the facts of what has happened. I am beginning to see how this works.
Couple this occurrence with the fact that I cannot remember the last time my temper took control of me and I verbally lost it on my kids (really, it's been a couple of weeks at least). This used to happen frequently and is something I struggle to control. I ask for patience and guidance daily, trusting that I am not facing these weaknesses alone.
My hope is that the wonderful, incredible people I run with begin to feel joy daily as a result of our running together, which now includes prayer time together.
I encourage EVERYONE, catholic or not, spiritually filled or running on empty, to look up this powerful prayer. Read about it and take the 8 minutes a day or so it takes to say it, and say it.
PS... mom and dad, I promise to say this for you when you are dying (I realize to most people that sounds horrifically morbid, but I can guarantee that my parents just smiled joyfully).
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