Friday, September 30, 2011
Damn computer
Well only part of my last post saved. I certainly did not mean to end with "burning quads", but for some reason, that is how it ended! So I will wrap it all up in a nutshell... Ulrich was trashed on day 12, yet ran for 56 days. This proves that we are far more capable to press on physically if the mind and spirit are willing to endure. I will be jussssst fine!
Fears!
Last night I had the strangest dream. It's one of those dreams that wakes you up and leaves you tossing and turning for awhile, even though you are exhausted and need sleep. I dreamt that I was running my ultra and there was a pickup truck behind me picking up cones. Do you know what that means? Yep... it means I was the last one on the course. The fear was paralyzing in my dream as the truck got closer. They were shutting it down and if they caught me, I was done. I was trying to pick up the pace, but my legs were lead and would not move any faster. Because I was afraid, my breathing was more like panting. I felt like I was trying to outrun an ax murderer (I'm sure we've all had dreams where the murderer is chasing us and we can't get enough speed to get away... it was like that). So why write about dreams like this? Well because it's the second time in a week I've had a dream that I believe is reflecting subconscious unrest about the 50 mile run. Last week I dreamt about a car accident that shattered my left foot. All I could think about was my race as I was being casted. I woke up and shrugged it off as "Whew, glad that was a dream..". But after last night, I think it's high time I just put all my fears out there, deal with them and move ahead by training with confidence and excitement (which I am super excited!). So here is the laundry list. Bare with me, some of them are downright stupid:
I'm afraid of getting injured
I'm afraid I'm doing too many marathons
I'm afraid I'm not doing enough trail running
I'm afraid I'll be stupid in my upcoming marathons and run them too fast
I'm afraid I don't know how to pace myself for this
I'm afraid of what it will feel like toward the end
I'm afraid that feeling will hit me far sooner than I am expecting
I'm afraid that my plan of 12 min miles on the trail portion is too fast for me considering the technicality of it and that I will be in for a rude awakening.
I'm afraid of fueling poorly
I'm afraid of not wearing the right clothes
I'm afraid my brother will insist on running with me and drag me out too fast
I'm afraid my husband will annoy me when he runs the last half with me because I won't feel like small talk
I'm afraid to tell him that spectating and crewing will be just fine... oops, think I just did!
I'm afraid Will and Emma are going to see a very bad side of their mother (they are coming!). Well, one they HAVEN'T been exposed to yet.
I'm afraid that I worry to much and that will work against me
I'm afraid I'm crazy
Ahhh, that felt GOOD! There it is. It's all out there now. The system has been purged of fears, worries and anxiety. So now I'm good to go. Honestly, despite the above list, I realize this is a very doable goal. I have thoroughly enjoyed the long runs and discovering how to properly train for endurance. Being able to run 51 miles the week after the Air Force Marathon was such a break through moment for me. I don't think I've ever run the week after a marathon, let alone the day after. So that was confidence in the bank and the proof that all really is well. I'm doing the right training, eating the right foods for recovery and fueling well along the way. So as one can see, I am not crazy with fear, but the unknown is always a bit scary. Reading books on mega - endurance ultra runners is such a confidence builder too. I am currently reading Marshall Ulrich's book "Running on Empty". It is about his 56 day run across America. We are now on day 12 of his run and he has terrible achilles tendonitis, swollen feet, burning quads
I'm afraid of getting injured
I'm afraid I'm doing too many marathons
I'm afraid I'm not doing enough trail running
I'm afraid I'll be stupid in my upcoming marathons and run them too fast
I'm afraid I don't know how to pace myself for this
I'm afraid of what it will feel like toward the end
I'm afraid that feeling will hit me far sooner than I am expecting
I'm afraid that my plan of 12 min miles on the trail portion is too fast for me considering the technicality of it and that I will be in for a rude awakening.
I'm afraid of fueling poorly
I'm afraid of not wearing the right clothes
I'm afraid my brother will insist on running with me and drag me out too fast
I'm afraid my husband will annoy me when he runs the last half with me because I won't feel like small talk
I'm afraid to tell him that spectating and crewing will be just fine... oops, think I just did!
I'm afraid Will and Emma are going to see a very bad side of their mother (they are coming!). Well, one they HAVEN'T been exposed to yet.
I'm afraid that I worry to much and that will work against me
I'm afraid I'm crazy
Ahhh, that felt GOOD! There it is. It's all out there now. The system has been purged of fears, worries and anxiety. So now I'm good to go. Honestly, despite the above list, I realize this is a very doable goal. I have thoroughly enjoyed the long runs and discovering how to properly train for endurance. Being able to run 51 miles the week after the Air Force Marathon was such a break through moment for me. I don't think I've ever run the week after a marathon, let alone the day after. So that was confidence in the bank and the proof that all really is well. I'm doing the right training, eating the right foods for recovery and fueling well along the way. So as one can see, I am not crazy with fear, but the unknown is always a bit scary. Reading books on mega - endurance ultra runners is such a confidence builder too. I am currently reading Marshall Ulrich's book "Running on Empty". It is about his 56 day run across America. We are now on day 12 of his run and he has terrible achilles tendonitis, swollen feet, burning quads
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
26.2 Mile Training Run
On Saturday, I did my longest run yet in preparation for my November "race" (quotations because I ain't racin' nothing other than a 12 hour clock). My long run just happened to be in the form of an official chip-timed marathon. I just happened to not need to bring my own gatorade and also happened to get a big fat medal at the end of it. Oh and people were also cheering for me as I ran along. Neat long run. And yes, it was the United States Air Force Marathon that I spoke of in the last entry.
I don't know what it is about that distance or the presence of a timing chip and clock that completely changes people. Things happen during marathons that NEVER happen on long runs and I don't get it. Many people can go up to 24 miles on a training run and never have a problem. Stick them in a marathon and all hell breaks loose.... and generally much sooner than mile 24. True, the pace is usually faster than what most people run during marathon training long runs. But still... proper training without injury, sufficient taper and good fueling techniques will get the job done. That is only true if it were just a physical race we were running. The mentally strong dominate that racing distance when all of the above factors are in place. They race calmly and intelligently. They don't panic, they simply readjust as needed along the way. They are smooth, they are strong and they are usually victorious. They push pain and fatigue aside because they absolutely KNOW there is more to give. People like me are in awe of people like them.
So how does someone like me change that terrified mindset? Well for a confident racer, people like me are annoying.... they see talent, they see motivation and drive and they see it all wasted on fear. They simply do not understand that trying to change that is like trying to change one's eye color. It is part of who we are and how we deal with that kind of pressure. It is deeply rooted, and has a choking grip. It can absolutely paralyze the strongest and the most well-trained athlete. And the more important the goal, the bigger the fear, no matter that the goal is quite reachable. BUT, it is changeable. I know this for a fact since I have done it (sort of). I remember sitting at home after the 2010 Flying Pig Marathon. I sat on my bed and said over and over "I just don't get it. How could something that was NEVER a problem while training be what stops my race?" I was angry and felt so cheated as I recalled the difficult winter training. When it was suggested to me that perhaps my physical racing problems were the result of my confidence crisis and fear of racing and failing, I was terribly insulted and hurt. Right before I pulled my hamstring, I was quite relaxed... happy to be finished with the hard hill of that marathon. I was not afraid at that moment. And considering I was limping pretty severely and the back of my leg was pretty f'd up, I thought THAT person was crazy. Until I talked to more people and began researching this phenomenon. Indeed, our minds are so powerful that they can cause involuntary muscle and nerve reactions that can hurt us. Ever get a stress headache? Ever heard of stress killing people? If stress is a state of mind, how can it cause heart attacks? Because the body reacts to the mind. Hormones come into play and cause physical changes (cortisol.. stress hormone).
In Columbus 2010, I unknowingly ran my race with a tibial stress fracture. At the first sign of pain, I did actually calm myself down and told myself I was ok and that if I just didn't panic, it would go away. I took all time constraints off the table, turned my Garmin upside down and continued. So did the pain. I continued to not think of missing my BQ and pushed through. There was no panic and no fear. I just hurt and wanted to be finished and although it really is stupid to run that far in that situation, at that time in my life, it was necessary. But I would't recommend it to anyone as it is NOT.GOOD.FOR.THE.BODY (Of course my dad would say running all these miles is not good for the body and he worries about my brother and I very much... even after trying to convince him that Jesus ran a TON).
What was the difference between Flying Pig and Columbus? Well once I could take a good, hard and honest look at myself (that sucks to do, by the way... it's hard to admit you are looney), I could change. I knew it was my only chance to ever reach a BQ. That it would never happen if I could not race calmly and confidently. I wanted it very much and it was the only way I'd ever get it. To change that I had to run some of my long runs alone. When no one was looking, I had to resist the urge to walk and try to pick up the pace. I had to go to the track alone sometimes and do ALL my repeats. Not just some because no one was around. I had to tell myself that if I could not get it together mentally, I was wasting time training. It would never happen. I could be a sub three hour marathoner in training and still NEVER get to Boston if I didn't change the way I viewed racing.
Throughout the course of training for a Boston qualifier, I did drain myself mentally, hence the ultra goal this year. I had to get back my love of running and run without a time goal. Running marathons as training runs puts me back into the marathon setting, without the pressure of time. Being in that setting so much this fall will definitely help me toe the line with a more confident attitude next year... simply because I've made it familiar. It's all part of the plan. Plus, I LOVE MEDALS (the Air Force one ROCKS!).
On Saturday I ran a marathon and I loved it! Not only did I run beside John, who secretly signed up to run with me, but I ran relaxed and happy. I walked through water stops, went to the bathroom and took pictures along the way. There was no hitting the wall, no tears of missed goals (for me) and an incredible feeling of satisfaction when I finished. On the way home I ate a Big Mac and fries (I know, GROSS), and did not care a bit. I've potentially got three more of those "training runs" before the JFK 50 and I can't WAIT!
PS.. much as I really wanted to blog about John, I was forbidden. He's such a killjoy!
I don't know what it is about that distance or the presence of a timing chip and clock that completely changes people. Things happen during marathons that NEVER happen on long runs and I don't get it. Many people can go up to 24 miles on a training run and never have a problem. Stick them in a marathon and all hell breaks loose.... and generally much sooner than mile 24. True, the pace is usually faster than what most people run during marathon training long runs. But still... proper training without injury, sufficient taper and good fueling techniques will get the job done. That is only true if it were just a physical race we were running. The mentally strong dominate that racing distance when all of the above factors are in place. They race calmly and intelligently. They don't panic, they simply readjust as needed along the way. They are smooth, they are strong and they are usually victorious. They push pain and fatigue aside because they absolutely KNOW there is more to give. People like me are in awe of people like them.
So how does someone like me change that terrified mindset? Well for a confident racer, people like me are annoying.... they see talent, they see motivation and drive and they see it all wasted on fear. They simply do not understand that trying to change that is like trying to change one's eye color. It is part of who we are and how we deal with that kind of pressure. It is deeply rooted, and has a choking grip. It can absolutely paralyze the strongest and the most well-trained athlete. And the more important the goal, the bigger the fear, no matter that the goal is quite reachable. BUT, it is changeable. I know this for a fact since I have done it (sort of). I remember sitting at home after the 2010 Flying Pig Marathon. I sat on my bed and said over and over "I just don't get it. How could something that was NEVER a problem while training be what stops my race?" I was angry and felt so cheated as I recalled the difficult winter training. When it was suggested to me that perhaps my physical racing problems were the result of my confidence crisis and fear of racing and failing, I was terribly insulted and hurt. Right before I pulled my hamstring, I was quite relaxed... happy to be finished with the hard hill of that marathon. I was not afraid at that moment. And considering I was limping pretty severely and the back of my leg was pretty f'd up, I thought THAT person was crazy. Until I talked to more people and began researching this phenomenon. Indeed, our minds are so powerful that they can cause involuntary muscle and nerve reactions that can hurt us. Ever get a stress headache? Ever heard of stress killing people? If stress is a state of mind, how can it cause heart attacks? Because the body reacts to the mind. Hormones come into play and cause physical changes (cortisol.. stress hormone).
In Columbus 2010, I unknowingly ran my race with a tibial stress fracture. At the first sign of pain, I did actually calm myself down and told myself I was ok and that if I just didn't panic, it would go away. I took all time constraints off the table, turned my Garmin upside down and continued. So did the pain. I continued to not think of missing my BQ and pushed through. There was no panic and no fear. I just hurt and wanted to be finished and although it really is stupid to run that far in that situation, at that time in my life, it was necessary. But I would't recommend it to anyone as it is NOT.GOOD.FOR.THE.BODY (Of course my dad would say running all these miles is not good for the body and he worries about my brother and I very much... even after trying to convince him that Jesus ran a TON).
What was the difference between Flying Pig and Columbus? Well once I could take a good, hard and honest look at myself (that sucks to do, by the way... it's hard to admit you are looney), I could change. I knew it was my only chance to ever reach a BQ. That it would never happen if I could not race calmly and confidently. I wanted it very much and it was the only way I'd ever get it. To change that I had to run some of my long runs alone. When no one was looking, I had to resist the urge to walk and try to pick up the pace. I had to go to the track alone sometimes and do ALL my repeats. Not just some because no one was around. I had to tell myself that if I could not get it together mentally, I was wasting time training. It would never happen. I could be a sub three hour marathoner in training and still NEVER get to Boston if I didn't change the way I viewed racing.
 |
| Happy in the later miles... a first ever. |
On Saturday I ran a marathon and I loved it! Not only did I run beside John, who secretly signed up to run with me, but I ran relaxed and happy. I walked through water stops, went to the bathroom and took pictures along the way. There was no hitting the wall, no tears of missed goals (for me) and an incredible feeling of satisfaction when I finished. On the way home I ate a Big Mac and fries (I know, GROSS), and did not care a bit. I've potentially got three more of those "training runs" before the JFK 50 and I can't WAIT!
PS.. much as I really wanted to blog about John, I was forbidden. He's such a killjoy!
 |
| Yep! |
Sunday, September 11, 2011
God Bless America
I woke up on the same side of the bed I always do, but for some reason, today it was the wrong side. I knew it as I pulled on my running clothes at 5:30. The coffee was helpful for the tiredness, but the foul mood was not budging. My body wanted sleep. Very, very badly. I told myself that running tired was something I MUST do. My legs weren't sore or heavy, nor did my feet hurt. But my body was just not right. I had logged 64.7 miles last week and by all accounts, had the right to a day off now. But I wasn't taking one.
This morning John was up too. He and I had agreed we would do 12 miles today. Poor John. Today would have been a good day for the guy to sleep in and a good day for me to run alone. "Did you get our stuff out of your truck from LAST week?" I snapped as he drank his coffee. I was referring to our hydration belts as well as the bottles that I never recalled washing since our last long run. "Nope. Thought maybe you did." God I was irritated! Why do I have to do EVERYTHING around here! He sensed my mood and headed out to get our stuff. Meanwhile I thought how nice it would be to just head out alone, put in my music and run. But we were possibly going to have company and I would need to at least act a little cheerful so I wouldn't lose friends! I didn't want to talk though. I was so damn grumpy today! I did say the simple, yet effective prayer of "Lord, get into my head before I do..." but being that it was Sunday, God was asleep because I remained in quite a mood (I had forgotten that on the 7th day, the Lord rested).
We got in the car and headed to the park. I informed John that if no one came, I would be listening to music, not conversing with him. He seemed more than happy to get his own head phones! Once he got a taste of my mood, he was probably ecstatic that I didn't want to "talk" (aka "YELL at") him. On the way, Kim texted that she would not be coming. Late night, no sleep... not doing 12 miles. I am being totally honest when I say I was glad. Not that Kim wasn't running, but rather that I wouldn't have to pretend to be in a good mood. If Suttan was meeting us, it would be a bit later and I figured that I'd be a bit better off with a few miles under my belt. If Sarah were coming, we'd say our hellos, run maybe a 1 mile warm up together and she'd be off at a faster pace. I think I'd also warn her I was in a mood and then she wouldn't think twice about being insulted that I was bitchy. So knowing I was going to get a little time to sweeten up was good.
We started off in the darkness and I had my headphones plugged into my iphone. I was listening to Pandora radio and unfortunately, could not get it to change from Lady Gaga radio due to the weak internet signal on the running/bike trail. That music did nothing to change my mood. I could hear John's shoes heavily hitting the pavement, so I turned up the volume so that I wouldn't be annoyed that he wasn't lighter on his feet when he ran (I think I am going to lose a bunch of running friends after this blog.... everyone will be afraid I'll pick them apart. But don't worry, no one else's running form bothers me a bit. I only save that for the person who loves me no matter what! Lucky John).
Finally I was able to switch the Pandora station. I'm going out on a limb when I admit that I changed it to Celine Dion Holiday station. I did. Yes I know I am getting so laughed at, but the right music can always change my demeanor and this morning, that was the right music for a little bit.
I'm not sure which mile, or what song was playing, but I suddenly remembered that it was September 11th. I was immediately brought back to that day in 2001... where I was, what I was doing and what my then 10 month old baby girl was wearing as she crawled across the living room floor while I stared in disbelief at the television. I was to meet Krista at the zoo that day. We walked around in silence at a very empty zoo. Most of the time, that place was packed on a beautiful fall-ish day. It was the most surreal day ever. I knew how horrific it was, but yet felt very disconnected from it all. Almost as if it was happening in another world. It was as if it would not impact my world as I knew it... wife, mother of two little ones, labor and delivery nurse.
Over the course of 10 years, I no longer feel that way. I thought about how life as we know it can change in a split second. I was tired this morning, but not because I was up all night mourning the sudden loss of a spouse, like my little sister had done. I was tired, but not because I couldn't sleep because I ached for my three year old son, who ran across the street at just the wrong second, like the family whose baby I ran a race for yesterday. I was tired, but not because I was up with my 13 year old son who was fighting for his life on the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at Children's Hospital. I was tired, but not because I was working and raising a family on my own because someone I loved was killed on September 11th, 2001. No, I was tired because I am healthy enough to train for an ultra-marathon. And in the course of doing so, running next to the person I love most in the world, who was also running to spend time doing something that meant so much to his wife.
I was suddenly keenly aware of the extreme sacrifices that our service men and women make to keep our country safe. I was trying to imagine kissing my husband/wife/child/parent goodbye as they leave to go fight for freedom. I can't imagine. And so I will just pray for those that do and for the safe return for those that are leaving. One of them being my cousin, Matt Corey, leaving very soon for Afganistan with the Navy. I hadn't seen Matt in over 10 years until this past spring when he came out to run the Flying Pig half marathon for Team Mitch. I thank God for the opportunity I had to see him, joke with him, and even run with him for a bit during the race. I pray for his safe return when his mission is over.
When our run was over (which we cut short by two miles because I just wasn't feeling it today), I came home and got my family ready for mass. Yes, I remained mostly tired and grumpy today. But at certain points during the day, there was heightened awareness of the many blessings in my life. Listening to Deacon Meyer preach on the topic of forgiveness, watching my 10 year old daughter play an awesome game of soccer in between rain and lightening delays. Today these moments were huge for me.
This Saturday I will get to run the Air Force Marathon with a group of my running friends. I think I will look at the whole experience differently given the timing of this marathon. Running on Wright Patterson Air Force base will have a deeper meaning than it would if this race were in the spring. I imagine it will for all those running in or spectating the race.
Thank you, God, for getting into my head today. And to think I thought you were sleeping in!
This morning John was up too. He and I had agreed we would do 12 miles today. Poor John. Today would have been a good day for the guy to sleep in and a good day for me to run alone. "Did you get our stuff out of your truck from LAST week?" I snapped as he drank his coffee. I was referring to our hydration belts as well as the bottles that I never recalled washing since our last long run. "Nope. Thought maybe you did." God I was irritated! Why do I have to do EVERYTHING around here! He sensed my mood and headed out to get our stuff. Meanwhile I thought how nice it would be to just head out alone, put in my music and run. But we were possibly going to have company and I would need to at least act a little cheerful so I wouldn't lose friends! I didn't want to talk though. I was so damn grumpy today! I did say the simple, yet effective prayer of "Lord, get into my head before I do..." but being that it was Sunday, God was asleep because I remained in quite a mood (I had forgotten that on the 7th day, the Lord rested).
We got in the car and headed to the park. I informed John that if no one came, I would be listening to music, not conversing with him. He seemed more than happy to get his own head phones! Once he got a taste of my mood, he was probably ecstatic that I didn't want to "talk" (aka "YELL at") him. On the way, Kim texted that she would not be coming. Late night, no sleep... not doing 12 miles. I am being totally honest when I say I was glad. Not that Kim wasn't running, but rather that I wouldn't have to pretend to be in a good mood. If Suttan was meeting us, it would be a bit later and I figured that I'd be a bit better off with a few miles under my belt. If Sarah were coming, we'd say our hellos, run maybe a 1 mile warm up together and she'd be off at a faster pace. I think I'd also warn her I was in a mood and then she wouldn't think twice about being insulted that I was bitchy. So knowing I was going to get a little time to sweeten up was good.
We started off in the darkness and I had my headphones plugged into my iphone. I was listening to Pandora radio and unfortunately, could not get it to change from Lady Gaga radio due to the weak internet signal on the running/bike trail. That music did nothing to change my mood. I could hear John's shoes heavily hitting the pavement, so I turned up the volume so that I wouldn't be annoyed that he wasn't lighter on his feet when he ran (I think I am going to lose a bunch of running friends after this blog.... everyone will be afraid I'll pick them apart. But don't worry, no one else's running form bothers me a bit. I only save that for the person who loves me no matter what! Lucky John).
Finally I was able to switch the Pandora station. I'm going out on a limb when I admit that I changed it to Celine Dion Holiday station. I did. Yes I know I am getting so laughed at, but the right music can always change my demeanor and this morning, that was the right music for a little bit.
I'm not sure which mile, or what song was playing, but I suddenly remembered that it was September 11th. I was immediately brought back to that day in 2001... where I was, what I was doing and what my then 10 month old baby girl was wearing as she crawled across the living room floor while I stared in disbelief at the television. I was to meet Krista at the zoo that day. We walked around in silence at a very empty zoo. Most of the time, that place was packed on a beautiful fall-ish day. It was the most surreal day ever. I knew how horrific it was, but yet felt very disconnected from it all. Almost as if it was happening in another world. It was as if it would not impact my world as I knew it... wife, mother of two little ones, labor and delivery nurse.
Over the course of 10 years, I no longer feel that way. I thought about how life as we know it can change in a split second. I was tired this morning, but not because I was up all night mourning the sudden loss of a spouse, like my little sister had done. I was tired, but not because I couldn't sleep because I ached for my three year old son, who ran across the street at just the wrong second, like the family whose baby I ran a race for yesterday. I was tired, but not because I was up with my 13 year old son who was fighting for his life on the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at Children's Hospital. I was tired, but not because I was working and raising a family on my own because someone I loved was killed on September 11th, 2001. No, I was tired because I am healthy enough to train for an ultra-marathon. And in the course of doing so, running next to the person I love most in the world, who was also running to spend time doing something that meant so much to his wife.
I was suddenly keenly aware of the extreme sacrifices that our service men and women make to keep our country safe. I was trying to imagine kissing my husband/wife/child/parent goodbye as they leave to go fight for freedom. I can't imagine. And so I will just pray for those that do and for the safe return for those that are leaving. One of them being my cousin, Matt Corey, leaving very soon for Afganistan with the Navy. I hadn't seen Matt in over 10 years until this past spring when he came out to run the Flying Pig half marathon for Team Mitch. I thank God for the opportunity I had to see him, joke with him, and even run with him for a bit during the race. I pray for his safe return when his mission is over.
When our run was over (which we cut short by two miles because I just wasn't feeling it today), I came home and got my family ready for mass. Yes, I remained mostly tired and grumpy today. But at certain points during the day, there was heightened awareness of the many blessings in my life. Listening to Deacon Meyer preach on the topic of forgiveness, watching my 10 year old daughter play an awesome game of soccer in between rain and lightening delays. Today these moments were huge for me.
This Saturday I will get to run the Air Force Marathon with a group of my running friends. I think I will look at the whole experience differently given the timing of this marathon. Running on Wright Patterson Air Force base will have a deeper meaning than it would if this race were in the spring. I imagine it will for all those running in or spectating the race.
Thank you, God, for getting into my head today. And to think I thought you were sleeping in!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Training Rut
There could not possibly be a worse time of day to sit and start a new post. But Nancy said she is having "Kate's blog withdrawal" this morning and that actually made me smile! To be honest, I simply haven't had much down time or desire lately. But Nancy, today you gave me a reason :)
In addition to my love of running, I also love to write. It provides an awesome outlet for anger and sadness, but also is a great place to display great joy and happiness. But what do you do when your thoughts and feelings are somewhere in the middle? How do you blog about a present mundane state of mind? Training continues, and like many I know preparing for fall marathons, I am running low on motivation and pep. I see it in some of the runners I am coaching.... these high mileage weeks before the taper are taking their toll physically and emotionally. Some of them are first timers and I have said "stay strong... the end is near and crossing the finish line will make all the challenges worth it...." Taking my own advice has proven a bit harder than I expected. I began training at the same time and have a month longer to go. Suddenly the drive to run 50 miles is slowly dwindling. Because I'm tired. I want to stay in bed longer on the weekends and drink coffee. I want to go out on Saturday night and not worry about getting up the next morning at the ass-crack of dawn to run. I wonder if some of my runners (I'm calling them "my runners" because I have controlled their running schedules for 15 weeks... they really aren't "mine", I know) realize that their coach is right there with them. I debated on whether or not to blog this. After all, what happens when the motivator loses motivation? When people say "How do you stay so positive and motivated about running?", I want to look them in the eye and say "Honestly, right now, I am not!" No one is doing what I'm doing or even can understand the why I'm doing it. I get a lot of "Oh you are running 50 miles? Hmmm...sounds a little stupid if you ask me." I have no one to commiserate with about my insecurities over whether I can do it. I want to race one of my marathons, not just run it as a training run. I don't even want to sign up for a gd 5k because I have no idea what kind of pace I can sustain. I am constantly preaching the necessity of rest and recovery. Meanwhile, my job is to learn to run on tired legs... labeling me a hypocrite. This also makes for less than ideal feeling runs, no matter how slow the pace... which also can be a mood killer when compared to the paces I used to train at (the same paces that led me to injury.... I try to remember that too). This type of training has no doubt, been an incredible mental challenge for me. No one knows that (well I suppose now they do :). I'm not after a BQ this year, but find myself beginning to fight the familiar feeling of anxiety. This time it is over distance, rather than pace. I pray that I can keep it in check for the duration of training and through the race.
Now the good news.... I know that these feelings are a normal part of training for a distance race. The excitement wears thin as exhaustion and anxiety creep in. The weeks and weeks of being slave to a training schedule get old, no matter how excited we are to begin. The stars in our eyes envisioning what we can do become quite faded and we find ourselves questioning why in the hell we ever thought this was a good idea. Family members get restless and feel neglected and we are in turn a bit resentful since we are actually doing all the running. What is wrong with them? It's not like they are getting up before Jesus and logging a ridiculous amount of miles, then going to TRX and then, for the love, going to work! What's their problem? They should be proud. Instead they are as pissy and grouchy as we are. It's all normal. And for someone experiencing it for the first time, it's scary because you don't know how it will play out. Well I will tell you how it plays out. Race day comes and you run as you were trained to do. You finish your race and you are beyond happy (at least I think that is how it's supposed to go... still hoping!). Your family and friends shower you with congratulations. You are amazed at what you've just done... even if it isn't the outcome you had hoped for. The days pass and there is this warm glow and you begin to think that training wasn't so bad after all. Then you get a little restless without a goal. And you sign up for another race.
And the cycle continues.
Knowing all this keeps me in check when I'm feeling as I do now. I will be fine. And "my" runners will be too!
In addition to my love of running, I also love to write. It provides an awesome outlet for anger and sadness, but also is a great place to display great joy and happiness. But what do you do when your thoughts and feelings are somewhere in the middle? How do you blog about a present mundane state of mind? Training continues, and like many I know preparing for fall marathons, I am running low on motivation and pep. I see it in some of the runners I am coaching.... these high mileage weeks before the taper are taking their toll physically and emotionally. Some of them are first timers and I have said "stay strong... the end is near and crossing the finish line will make all the challenges worth it...." Taking my own advice has proven a bit harder than I expected. I began training at the same time and have a month longer to go. Suddenly the drive to run 50 miles is slowly dwindling. Because I'm tired. I want to stay in bed longer on the weekends and drink coffee. I want to go out on Saturday night and not worry about getting up the next morning at the ass-crack of dawn to run. I wonder if some of my runners (I'm calling them "my runners" because I have controlled their running schedules for 15 weeks... they really aren't "mine", I know) realize that their coach is right there with them. I debated on whether or not to blog this. After all, what happens when the motivator loses motivation? When people say "How do you stay so positive and motivated about running?", I want to look them in the eye and say "Honestly, right now, I am not!" No one is doing what I'm doing or even can understand the why I'm doing it. I get a lot of "Oh you are running 50 miles? Hmmm...sounds a little stupid if you ask me." I have no one to commiserate with about my insecurities over whether I can do it. I want to race one of my marathons, not just run it as a training run. I don't even want to sign up for a gd 5k because I have no idea what kind of pace I can sustain. I am constantly preaching the necessity of rest and recovery. Meanwhile, my job is to learn to run on tired legs... labeling me a hypocrite. This also makes for less than ideal feeling runs, no matter how slow the pace... which also can be a mood killer when compared to the paces I used to train at (the same paces that led me to injury.... I try to remember that too). This type of training has no doubt, been an incredible mental challenge for me. No one knows that (well I suppose now they do :). I'm not after a BQ this year, but find myself beginning to fight the familiar feeling of anxiety. This time it is over distance, rather than pace. I pray that I can keep it in check for the duration of training and through the race.
Now the good news.... I know that these feelings are a normal part of training for a distance race. The excitement wears thin as exhaustion and anxiety creep in. The weeks and weeks of being slave to a training schedule get old, no matter how excited we are to begin. The stars in our eyes envisioning what we can do become quite faded and we find ourselves questioning why in the hell we ever thought this was a good idea. Family members get restless and feel neglected and we are in turn a bit resentful since we are actually doing all the running. What is wrong with them? It's not like they are getting up before Jesus and logging a ridiculous amount of miles, then going to TRX and then, for the love, going to work! What's their problem? They should be proud. Instead they are as pissy and grouchy as we are. It's all normal. And for someone experiencing it for the first time, it's scary because you don't know how it will play out. Well I will tell you how it plays out. Race day comes and you run as you were trained to do. You finish your race and you are beyond happy (at least I think that is how it's supposed to go... still hoping!). Your family and friends shower you with congratulations. You are amazed at what you've just done... even if it isn't the outcome you had hoped for. The days pass and there is this warm glow and you begin to think that training wasn't so bad after all. Then you get a little restless without a goal. And you sign up for another race.
And the cycle continues.
Knowing all this keeps me in check when I'm feeling as I do now. I will be fine. And "my" runners will be too!
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