Owning It

I have to apologize to all the drivers who fit the previous post's description.  I'm not apologizing because I think it is ok to be rude.  I am apologizing because the anger I wrote about is two sided.  I realized something about myself a few years ago.  When everyone on planet earth seems to be annoying me at any given time, the real problem is always me.

Case and point... Yesterday I was meeting some runners from my group at 5:15 to do track repeats.  It was the first time we have been able to get on the track since we began training 8 weeks ago.  Up until yesterday, we had been doing them on a .5 mile strip of road that is perfect for running but can at times, be traffic heavy.  We were happy to finally not have to worry about hitting our paces AND avoid getting hit, as well as have a clear track to run on.  The trouble started the second I stepped foot outside.  I was greeted with a strong gust of wind and flurries in my face.  "You have got to be FREAKING kidding me!"  I wanted to turn back around and walk in the house.  I tried to ignore the flying snow surrounding my car and the whipping flags as I drove to the track.  I had gotten there a bit early because I had laundry that needed to be finished before the kids got up.  Stepping out of my car, I began a slow jog to the track.  I had to put my head down to avoid the face full of wind and snow that wouldn't let up.  I was getting more ticked off by the minute.  I knew that the workout would be challenging enough without the wind.  I now wondered if I would hit pace at all.  I began my warm up around the track.  Shortly after I finished my warm up laps, Barbara arrived.  I immediately greeted her with a snarky comment about not getting a break, even once, with this weather.  She agreed and as the others began to arrive, I again, was quick to point out just how much it sucked.  I later realized that a good coach, who assigned the workout to begin with, would have been encouraging, not demoralizing.  Most of the girls that showed up are not a fan of running that early to begin with.  I am the creator of my own problems.

Yesterday's fit was not unusual for me lately.  Last week, I deactivated my Facebook account.  I intend to reactivate it once I can turn my bad attitude around.  The problem was that everyone was beginning to bother me, yet with the easy access, I couldn't just stay off.  Social media and the need to know what is going on with other people many times a day has its grip on me, though I hate admitting  it.  The best cure for me is to simply cut it out of my life for awhile...stone cold turkey!  Again, I quickly acknowledged that "I" am the problem.  Not everyone else.  It always amazes me what I discover about myself through honest self reflection.  It isn't easy to point a finger at myself, but often times, it is necessary.  It is the only way I will ever become better...at everything.  I am finding it is normal for me to go through these "grumpy spells" now and again.  I thank God for my husband and kids, who are often quick to recognize it even before I do.  Lucy is especially sensitive and will say, "Mommy, I know something is wrong with you because you are yelling a lot."  Usually she says it right after I have yelled about something and I often reply with, "Mommy wouldn't have to yell so much if you guys would just do what I said the first time!!!"  Usually I say that while yelling :). Deep down, I know my baby is on to me.  And it forces me to want to turn it around right then.

I'm blaming it on the nasty winter this time.  It is driving me crazy (and all of the country).  But I am also owning up to how I respond to it.  The sun will shine again and the snow will soon be gone.

Soldier on!