Happy almost Halloween to everyone! I both dread and look forward to the mounds of candy my kids will be collecting and trying to hide from me. I am counting on an abundance of Twix, 100 grands, Almond Joys and Snickers to keep me fueled until the big race on November 22nd. I am referring, of course, to the JFK 50 mile race in Maryland that I will be running with Sondra.
Training has been really, really good. I can hardly believe the race is just about three weeks away. As part of my training, I am running the Indianapolis Marathon on Saturday and running the Mason half marathon on Sunday. These back to back long runs are supposed to be nice and slow and easy. But I plan to make Monumental a hard training run. I think my body can take the pace and much as I told myself I would not really taper, I really have this week. By hard training run pace, I mean around an 8:35 avg. Or more like an 8:25 since everyone knows marathons are never really 26.2, but much, MUCH farther (at least after running that long it seems like one step past the 26.2 is running forever!). The one thing I haven't really done this week is carb load as recommended. I have my reasons. Once I carb load, it mentally becomes a RACE. It is now an attempt at a BQ and not just a hard training run. If you've followed this blog, you really know that doesn't work for me. I know it doesn't make sense. I know it isn't logical. But again, I can't change that part of my mind anymore than I can change my eye color. If it is a workout…and a hard one at that… I may be able to pull off that pace for that distance. I also have to understand not carb loading could ultimately be my downfall. It is a risk I'm willing to take given the number of times I've carb loaded and fallen short. Don't get me wrong… I don't think I can run on empty. I'm eating carbs and will absolutely have a hearty, carbohydrate laden breakfast on Saturday, I'm just not doing the traditional make yourself sick type of carb loading. This is going to drive my running friends nuts since Suttan told me, she'd really like this off her back…or in other words, "Get you damn BQ already so we can stop hearing about it!!!" Ok, no she didn't say that. But it was funny how she worded it in regard to this particular marathon. I know that they would all like to see me achieve this long time goal. They are super sweet like that. I do, however, have to remind them (and myself) that this race is not my goal. My goal was, and still is, a PR in the 50 mile distance. Some years magical things happen and everything clicks and every race is wonderful. Some years everything is bad, injury happens and/or all races are bad ones. I have had an injury free and pretty strong training cycle. I feel good and am hopeful Saturday will be a good day. But if it isn't, that is very ok and there will be no upset or tears (maybe from Suttan, but not from me :). I still get a medal and I still get one heck of a nice long training run in. My race has still yet to come and that is where I am determined to stay focused (as I sit here antsy and semi-tapered from lack of running this week…).
My non-running life has been quite a ride. If it were not for the loving arms of God, I'm telling you, I'd be in a corner sucking my thumb and rocking. We moved at the beginning of October and our other house is on the market. This alone makes for some busy days of trying to settle in our new house and trying to maintain the other one to sell. My mind is so cluttered with tasks that, well, I forgot to pay the water bill at our "old" house and when I went over there to spruce up the other day, I discovered the water had actually been shut off. Oh shit! So down I go to pay the utility bill and request my water be turned back on. Of course, there is a line behind me and I get those sympathetic looks of "Sure, lady… whatever…" as I explain that I really just did forget. Always a fun and embarrassing way to start the day.
What has really occupied head space over the last couple of weeks, is my sweet 11 year old, Jack. Well over a year ago, I wrote about Jack, who has ADHD. I think I discussed how we were trying to go the wall keeping him unmedicated and making changes in his diet as well as putting him through an intense program geared to help him (and us) be successful with attention and focus. Let me tell you… we have hit the wall, plowed through it, climbed over it and have discovered that Jack's attention deficit is not only severe, but he also has a significant learning disability.
Before I go on, I realize that to some, I may be violating Jack's privacy. First of all, if you know Jack, he is so good with it, very honest and frank about his struggles and very ok with who he is. Secondly, to me, this is no different than revealing Jack had a physical disease like cancer (thank God he is very healthy). A learning disability is a biological disorder, not a character weakness and there is nothing to be embarrassed about when your child is struggling. I say make some noise and enlist as much help as you can. This is how God created Jack's brain. God doesn't make mistakes… never, ever. This is a lesson I am learning and has put me on my knees more in past two weeks than I can ever remember.
In the past two years, I have prayed often for school to become "easy" for him. It has not. Instead, it has become more challenging every year. When Jack would have a test, I'd go to the adoration chapel, kneel before the Blessed Sacrament and pray for a good grade, or at the very least, his BEST. Often times his best that day was a D… minus. So I'd say, "Maybe you misunderstood my request this morning, Lord. But he is much smarter than a D-." And so it went, over and over and over. I knew that although I did not quite understand what God's purpose in all this was, I held on to the knowledge that there is purpose in every struggle we have. What I did neglect is what has become so evident, so overwhelmingly glorious this past week.
God heard every prayer and saw every tear I quietly and not so quietly shed for my boy. In his infinite mercy, he has protected Jack's emotional and psychological being. Jack had a psychological evaluation with all of his testing. It was concluded that Jack is a happy child with an average self esteem. Jack gets along with everyone. He is loving and playful. He loves the bullied and the bullies alike (in fact, he is oblivious to any kind of friction amongst the kids in his class). He never complains about his teachers, though I have… very often and sometimes not so fairly. He rolls with the changes, despite the day to day challenge of sitting for 6-7 hours in a traditional classroom and struggling to understand for YEARS and despite being in a classroom full of pretty smart kids who like to compare grades. In the critical years of adolescence, the ones where fitting in and not being different are so very, very important to kids, the ones that drained and are draining my two older kids and their mom, Jack is HAPPY! This is the work of a loving God answering the prayers of a mother. As I sat in quiet prayer this morning, I felt this is what God was saying to me. He let me know he heard me and he did answer. Perhaps not in the way I had asked, but maybe even better. God has most certainly given Jack challenges. But I am certain God knows these things will strengthen him and make him a better person. It is John and my responsibly to find the right help and guide him so that he can succeed at this. But God has also protected this child's self confidence and emotional well being as evidenced by what a happy and easy going kid he is.
We continue to walk an unknown road in our quest to help him succeed academically (isn't all of life an unknown road?). There are some pretty intimidating decisions to be made and I would be lying if I didn't say I wasn't extremely anxious over all of it. I equate this feeling to spinning headfirst, eyes closed into the unknown. It is very unsettling… UNTIL I remember WHO will catch me, who will protect me and who will guide me (and John, though he seems to have an innate sense that things will be good. God perhaps?).
And then I am certain that Jack will be just fine.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Dig
This post is for my brother, Joe, who needs something to read. Or some "inspiration", as he puts it. He is beginning the wild journey of ultra marathon training and is going for the big one out of the gate. He has set his sights on running the Burning River 100 in 2015. He's kind of starting at ground zero. In fact, I think he's starting underground. Yikes! Actually, to his credit, he isn't starting, he did that over a month ago. He's continuing and I believe he is absolutely going to pull it off.
First, however, he has to stop smoking. Seriously, Joe. Exactly how much do you think your poor lungs can take when you are asking so much of them and then pouring poison into them simultaneously? If you want your body to perform, you have to take care of it. It can only do so much. And it can do A-MAZING things, but only with consistent and constant care. You are a smart man. You know that. So quit it already. If you already quit, that's awesome and sorry for the public thrashing. Also, no more McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Skyline, etc… Well, occasionally is fine, but not all the time. And Mt. Dew, if you are still drinking that nastiness… yuck. You can have it during the race, but knock it off from now until then. Instead, eat well, brother. LOTS of omega 3s because they help a lot with inflammation of all those soft tissues that take a beating during training, which will be an absolute with all those impending back to back long runs. If you don't know what foods have them, here are a few… eggs, flax seeds, walnuts, pasteur raised meats (grass fed stuff), beans (especially kidney!), salmon. And the list goes on. You can now even buy omega 3 enriched organic milk. And don't say it's too expensive if you are still smoking. Don't even do that with me. So there is a crash course in running nutrition. A basic stripped down version, as there is an overwhelming amount of information out there. This WILL be a big factor in your success or failure at attempting this. Make no mistake, what you eat matters!
Now, back to this post. The title is actually the title of a song that Joe sent me a couple of weeks ago. It's on his running playlist and it is normally not my style of music, but it's really a good song with a catchy tune. But it's the message that Pete Townshend, the singer, is trying to get across that has been unbelievably inspirational to me these past few weeks. So thank you, Joe, for sending it.
Anyone who has ever trained hard to run a race knows the term "dig deep". It means to search within for a source of strength that can carry us to the finish. It is especially important to do this toward the end of a race or work out when physical energy seems all but gone. For some it is the memory of a loved one that provides strength. There are thousands of reasons people find that mysterious, untapped source at the end of a race or hard training session. It is very personal and different for each of us. A very powerful image for me is that of Christ carrying his cross up Calvary Mountain. If you have seen The Passion, you remember him falling and using every last bit of strength to get up. His inspiration for continuing on to his death, was us. His inspiration to get to the top for the finish, was our salvation. Although no shiny medal or race t-shirt awaited him. He knew the ultimate prize, which far surpassed any post race chocolate milk and massage. I have revisited that image countless times in my head during different training cycles and even races (especially Burning River last year) and what a difference it makes! It slaps me back to the reality of how whatever it is I am doing at the moment pales in comparison. It gives me strength and cause to continue.
But one doesn't have to be training or racing to have the need to dig deep. Life in general requires that quite often. I am training to run the JFK 50 with one of my running group friends. This will be her first ultra distance event and she is going to be awesome. I'm not just saying that either. Seriously, I am beginning to think of all my excuses of why she beat me come race day in November. Sondra is an incredible runner. The annoying kind who seems to require no effort when doing 12 mile pace runs. She has brought me to a new and different level of running fitness… even after all these years of training for marathons and ultras. This is different. This has been an awesome combination of a new kind of strength training (tabata… look it up. Holy cow!), nutrition and running workouts that I both dread and love. I am probably close to my peak running fitness. It is wonderful.
It is also absolutely exhausting. Yes, I choose to do this. No one is making me. But DAMN, it's hard. Maybe that is the appeal. I am also moving and trying to raise kids, two of which are teenagers. Digging deep has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I have my two "littles", 8 and 11 year olds, who also need mom in a different way (funny how my "little" kids are not really so little anymore. I used to think 8 and 11 year olds were big kids… WAHHHH!). Then there are my 15 and 13 year olds, who are awesome. They are truly wonderful people who will one day make incredible adults. At least I keep telling myself that :) But I'm finding they are stupid. Teenagers are just stupid and you cannot tell them anything. They make stupid choices, do stupid things (like make their mom cry and keep her up at night worrying about stuff and forget that she is tired and training a lot and trying to friggin move!). They are also self centered and darn me for forgetting the world revolves around their schedules. And before I continue on, I have to stop and say, MOM… I am SOOOO sorry for my once stupid teenage self!
Yes, these days, digging deep has many meanings. In training, I dig deep to hang for a hard workout or finish up a very long run. In mothering, I dig deep to find God's voice guiding my words and my actions as they relate to my children. My own words are not good words. They are actually cuss words. So I need God in a way I never have to help me mother these very stupid children and turn them into smart adults. I need Him to also give me the words to soothe a wounded 13 year old girl, who's confidence and self esteem are shaken from careless and mean words of her peers, also stupid teenagers. I also need to dig deep to get myself out of my own self-centeredness when it comes to complaining about day to day life. Complaining about how stressful moving is (how blest we are!), complaining about my kids (how healthy are beautiful they are!), complaining about training exhaustion (how uninjured and running strong I am!).
Yes, God has given me a beautiful, full life. It's a shame that some days I have to dig deep to thank Him.
Here is the song I am referring to. I hope you can access it here. It's never easy to copy and paste from youtube on here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As-SmW0E0cc
First, however, he has to stop smoking. Seriously, Joe. Exactly how much do you think your poor lungs can take when you are asking so much of them and then pouring poison into them simultaneously? If you want your body to perform, you have to take care of it. It can only do so much. And it can do A-MAZING things, but only with consistent and constant care. You are a smart man. You know that. So quit it already. If you already quit, that's awesome and sorry for the public thrashing. Also, no more McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Skyline, etc… Well, occasionally is fine, but not all the time. And Mt. Dew, if you are still drinking that nastiness… yuck. You can have it during the race, but knock it off from now until then. Instead, eat well, brother. LOTS of omega 3s because they help a lot with inflammation of all those soft tissues that take a beating during training, which will be an absolute with all those impending back to back long runs. If you don't know what foods have them, here are a few… eggs, flax seeds, walnuts, pasteur raised meats (grass fed stuff), beans (especially kidney!), salmon. And the list goes on. You can now even buy omega 3 enriched organic milk. And don't say it's too expensive if you are still smoking. Don't even do that with me. So there is a crash course in running nutrition. A basic stripped down version, as there is an overwhelming amount of information out there. This WILL be a big factor in your success or failure at attempting this. Make no mistake, what you eat matters!
Now, back to this post. The title is actually the title of a song that Joe sent me a couple of weeks ago. It's on his running playlist and it is normally not my style of music, but it's really a good song with a catchy tune. But it's the message that Pete Townshend, the singer, is trying to get across that has been unbelievably inspirational to me these past few weeks. So thank you, Joe, for sending it.
Anyone who has ever trained hard to run a race knows the term "dig deep". It means to search within for a source of strength that can carry us to the finish. It is especially important to do this toward the end of a race or work out when physical energy seems all but gone. For some it is the memory of a loved one that provides strength. There are thousands of reasons people find that mysterious, untapped source at the end of a race or hard training session. It is very personal and different for each of us. A very powerful image for me is that of Christ carrying his cross up Calvary Mountain. If you have seen The Passion, you remember him falling and using every last bit of strength to get up. His inspiration for continuing on to his death, was us. His inspiration to get to the top for the finish, was our salvation. Although no shiny medal or race t-shirt awaited him. He knew the ultimate prize, which far surpassed any post race chocolate milk and massage. I have revisited that image countless times in my head during different training cycles and even races (especially Burning River last year) and what a difference it makes! It slaps me back to the reality of how whatever it is I am doing at the moment pales in comparison. It gives me strength and cause to continue.
But one doesn't have to be training or racing to have the need to dig deep. Life in general requires that quite often. I am training to run the JFK 50 with one of my running group friends. This will be her first ultra distance event and she is going to be awesome. I'm not just saying that either. Seriously, I am beginning to think of all my excuses of why she beat me come race day in November. Sondra is an incredible runner. The annoying kind who seems to require no effort when doing 12 mile pace runs. She has brought me to a new and different level of running fitness… even after all these years of training for marathons and ultras. This is different. This has been an awesome combination of a new kind of strength training (tabata… look it up. Holy cow!), nutrition and running workouts that I both dread and love. I am probably close to my peak running fitness. It is wonderful.
It is also absolutely exhausting. Yes, I choose to do this. No one is making me. But DAMN, it's hard. Maybe that is the appeal. I am also moving and trying to raise kids, two of which are teenagers. Digging deep has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I have my two "littles", 8 and 11 year olds, who also need mom in a different way (funny how my "little" kids are not really so little anymore. I used to think 8 and 11 year olds were big kids… WAHHHH!). Then there are my 15 and 13 year olds, who are awesome. They are truly wonderful people who will one day make incredible adults. At least I keep telling myself that :) But I'm finding they are stupid. Teenagers are just stupid and you cannot tell them anything. They make stupid choices, do stupid things (like make their mom cry and keep her up at night worrying about stuff and forget that she is tired and training a lot and trying to friggin move!). They are also self centered and darn me for forgetting the world revolves around their schedules. And before I continue on, I have to stop and say, MOM… I am SOOOO sorry for my once stupid teenage self!
Yes, these days, digging deep has many meanings. In training, I dig deep to hang for a hard workout or finish up a very long run. In mothering, I dig deep to find God's voice guiding my words and my actions as they relate to my children. My own words are not good words. They are actually cuss words. So I need God in a way I never have to help me mother these very stupid children and turn them into smart adults. I need Him to also give me the words to soothe a wounded 13 year old girl, who's confidence and self esteem are shaken from careless and mean words of her peers, also stupid teenagers. I also need to dig deep to get myself out of my own self-centeredness when it comes to complaining about day to day life. Complaining about how stressful moving is (how blest we are!), complaining about my kids (how healthy are beautiful they are!), complaining about training exhaustion (how uninjured and running strong I am!).
Yes, God has given me a beautiful, full life. It's a shame that some days I have to dig deep to thank Him.
Here is the song I am referring to. I hope you can access it here. It's never easy to copy and paste from youtube on here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As-SmW0E0cc
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