"Choose something you want to do, do your best at it, then give all the glory to God."
Those words coming from the pulpit yesterday at mass seem to be directed at me. It's funny how often that happens, but how likely it is that so many other people sitting in church can conclude the same thing... that God is speaking directly to them... about anything in their lives. He is quite amazing how He does that!
I am in the absolute peak of 100 mile training and refusing to panic at the minor setbacks along the way. Six months ago, I envisioned 80 mile weeks... running back to back marathon distances in preparation for this. And I must say, even without any injury along the way, that would probably not have been possible given the demands of four kids. I'm gone early weekend mornings enough as it is and can't imagine putting more time into it. But when I accept that I am not in control of many, MANY things and remind myself to just let God take the reigns, I can say with absolute confidence that if I make it to the start of this race, I will also make it to the finish. And I can also say with absolute confidence that I will make it to the start. For a lot of people that have trained with me, this is an unusual frame of mind for me. I usually set a goal, but feel as though their are so many factors that could disrupt that goal and I always carry an element of doubt. This is the most daunting physical thing that I have ever attempted, yet I have more confidence than I ever have in racing a marathon or anything else. That alone should tell you who has control of this entire journey, and of my psyche.
What a learning experience this has been! Learning to put in the work, but letting things just roll and not flip out when a bump in the road occurs. I am recovering from hamstring tendonitis, believed by the physical therapist to be brought on not by the one speed session I did that I keep blaming, but the sprain I suffered back in April and the fact that I ran on it so soon after it happened. She said that just because you "can" run on a fresh injury, doesn't mean you should... and this is why. Yeah, ok, whatever lady. I get it and I know it now. Obviously running on a sprain that was still swollen and bruised is going to alter my stride. And given the amount of miles I was running (22 miler 2 weeks post sprain), that was a lot of compensating. The speed work done the same week as the 22 miler was likely the straw that broke the camel's back, not the cause. So ok, that was dumb in normal life, but I will defend myself to death and say... it was necessary for me mentally to get those runs in!
So as a result, I was having a hard time getting in back to back long runs, THE backbone of ultra training. And it occurred to me that I have a nice road bike that I can use and some friends that cycle often. I read that cycling is the activity of choice for this and so with my trusty heart rate monitor, I try to ride the day after a long run in my endurance zone... which by the way is much harder to maintain on a bike than on a run so the effort to do that is hard!
However, deep down, I feared that continuing to train on an existing injury was death to my goal. So I decided to go see Dr. Burger at Beacon. I do not have the ability to tell myself I must pull from the race. All along the purpose has been so clear for me. I BELIEVED this is not about me and therefore, that I was being guided by Jesus Himself. But it was possible I have misinterpreted this because I want to do it so badly. I accept that I may be wrong and that this is not what I have thought it to be all along. And I go to Beacon and anticipate what I think is obvious... a stern lecture and an "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR EFFING MIND? Training for 100 miles on this???" I mean that is normally what would happen, right? My prayers along the way to the office were simple... if this is not to be, let me accept it with grace and humility.
The waiting after the x-ray was nerve-wracking. How will I react when he tells me "No."? I could feel the tears welling up and just waiting to spill. I felt very, very small and inadequate right then. I felt very foolish for thinking that God would really be ok with me doing this and using Him as my reason for training. A foot sprain, a hamstring issue... I mean, the writing was on the wall. But with God, all things are possible and having faith is key to that revelation.
He enters the room and vigorously shakes my hand.... "100 miles, huh? That is exciting!! Tell me what has been going on." So I begin to tell him all the events of my injuries. He listens, he pokes and prods and tests different stuff... strength, flexibility, etc... He then tells me what I had kind of figured out via Google... "What you have is hamstring tendonosis where the hamstring connects to the ischial tuberosity" (butt bone). "When you train, you get micro tears in the muscle and the tendon and when they heal, they do not heal the way they should, but rather in a hap-hazard way. You definitely do not want that tendon to tear. So let's get you some physical therapy and strengthen the the hamstring, abductor and adductor muscles that support this tendon to give it more stability. No running hills and no speed work, mmm kay? Remember, this race is about endurance, not speed so don't overdo it. But with 3-4 weeks of PT, you should be good to go by race day. Oh and after the race, recover, ok?"
What the heck? I did not expect that. If it would not have been inappropriate to jump into his arms and give him a bear hug, I so would have. In my mind I was! Now I wanted to cry for totally the opposite reason.
And so PT has begun, both at Beacon and at home. I am feeling a difference already. 3 hours on the trail on Saturday (supposed to be 4-5, but time became a factor with the kids...) and a 45 mile bike ride on Sunday and I feel very good. I was not sore and I was not achy and I am still not today. OH HOW I NEEDED THAT TO HAPPEN! I expected a bit... the bike ride itself was at an aggressive pace (for me, anyway), but I was so happy to really feel like I could have done more on the bike. It was all about built up endurance and I was over the moon with my performance and I don't get to say that often (and Jen, new to cycling also, but an experienced distance runner. Our friend, Erin, was the cyclist of the group and seemed genuinely shocked with how well we did). How nicely those two sports cross over to one another! This weekend gave me a boost of confidence I needed. And yes, God just knew I needed that!
And so I must end... and go run :)
