Happy almost Halloween to everyone! I both dread and look forward to the mounds of candy my kids will be collecting and trying to hide from me. I am counting on an abundance of Twix, 100 grands, Almond Joys and Snickers to keep me fueled until the big race on November 22nd. I am referring, of course, to the JFK 50 mile race in Maryland that I will be running with Sondra.
Training has been really, really good. I can hardly believe the race is just about three weeks away. As part of my training, I am running the Indianapolis Marathon on Saturday and running the Mason half marathon on Sunday. These back to back long runs are supposed to be nice and slow and easy. But I plan to make Monumental a hard training run. I think my body can take the pace and much as I told myself I would not really taper, I really have this week. By hard training run pace, I mean around an 8:35 avg. Or more like an 8:25 since everyone knows marathons are never really 26.2, but much, MUCH farther (at least after running that long it seems like one step past the 26.2 is running forever!). The one thing I haven't really done this week is carb load as recommended. I have my reasons. Once I carb load, it mentally becomes a RACE. It is now an attempt at a BQ and not just a hard training run. If you've followed this blog, you really know that doesn't work for me. I know it doesn't make sense. I know it isn't logical. But again, I can't change that part of my mind anymore than I can change my eye color. If it is a workout…and a hard one at that… I may be able to pull off that pace for that distance. I also have to understand not carb loading could ultimately be my downfall. It is a risk I'm willing to take given the number of times I've carb loaded and fallen short. Don't get me wrong… I don't think I can run on empty. I'm eating carbs and will absolutely have a hearty, carbohydrate laden breakfast on Saturday, I'm just not doing the traditional make yourself sick type of carb loading. This is going to drive my running friends nuts since Suttan told me, she'd really like this off her back…or in other words, "Get you damn BQ already so we can stop hearing about it!!!" Ok, no she didn't say that. But it was funny how she worded it in regard to this particular marathon. I know that they would all like to see me achieve this long time goal. They are super sweet like that. I do, however, have to remind them (and myself) that this race is not my goal. My goal was, and still is, a PR in the 50 mile distance. Some years magical things happen and everything clicks and every race is wonderful. Some years everything is bad, injury happens and/or all races are bad ones. I have had an injury free and pretty strong training cycle. I feel good and am hopeful Saturday will be a good day. But if it isn't, that is very ok and there will be no upset or tears (maybe from Suttan, but not from me :). I still get a medal and I still get one heck of a nice long training run in. My race has still yet to come and that is where I am determined to stay focused (as I sit here antsy and semi-tapered from lack of running this week…).
My non-running life has been quite a ride. If it were not for the loving arms of God, I'm telling you, I'd be in a corner sucking my thumb and rocking. We moved at the beginning of October and our other house is on the market. This alone makes for some busy days of trying to settle in our new house and trying to maintain the other one to sell. My mind is so cluttered with tasks that, well, I forgot to pay the water bill at our "old" house and when I went over there to spruce up the other day, I discovered the water had actually been shut off. Oh shit! So down I go to pay the utility bill and request my water be turned back on. Of course, there is a line behind me and I get those sympathetic looks of "Sure, lady… whatever…" as I explain that I really just did forget. Always a fun and embarrassing way to start the day.
What has really occupied head space over the last couple of weeks, is my sweet 11 year old, Jack. Well over a year ago, I wrote about Jack, who has ADHD. I think I discussed how we were trying to go the wall keeping him unmedicated and making changes in his diet as well as putting him through an intense program geared to help him (and us) be successful with attention and focus. Let me tell you… we have hit the wall, plowed through it, climbed over it and have discovered that Jack's attention deficit is not only severe, but he also has a significant learning disability.
Before I go on, I realize that to some, I may be violating Jack's privacy. First of all, if you know Jack, he is so good with it, very honest and frank about his struggles and very ok with who he is. Secondly, to me, this is no different than revealing Jack had a physical disease like cancer (thank God he is very healthy). A learning disability is a biological disorder, not a character weakness and there is nothing to be embarrassed about when your child is struggling. I say make some noise and enlist as much help as you can. This is how God created Jack's brain. God doesn't make mistakes… never, ever. This is a lesson I am learning and has put me on my knees more in past two weeks than I can ever remember.
In the past two years, I have prayed often for school to become "easy" for him. It has not. Instead, it has become more challenging every year. When Jack would have a test, I'd go to the adoration chapel, kneel before the Blessed Sacrament and pray for a good grade, or at the very least, his BEST. Often times his best that day was a D… minus. So I'd say, "Maybe you misunderstood my request this morning, Lord. But he is much smarter than a D-." And so it went, over and over and over. I knew that although I did not quite understand what God's purpose in all this was, I held on to the knowledge that there is purpose in every struggle we have. What I did neglect is what has become so evident, so overwhelmingly glorious this past week.
God heard every prayer and saw every tear I quietly and not so quietly shed for my boy. In his infinite mercy, he has protected Jack's emotional and psychological being. Jack had a psychological evaluation with all of his testing. It was concluded that Jack is a happy child with an average self esteem. Jack gets along with everyone. He is loving and playful. He loves the bullied and the bullies alike (in fact, he is oblivious to any kind of friction amongst the kids in his class). He never complains about his teachers, though I have… very often and sometimes not so fairly. He rolls with the changes, despite the day to day challenge of sitting for 6-7 hours in a traditional classroom and struggling to understand for YEARS and despite being in a classroom full of pretty smart kids who like to compare grades. In the critical years of adolescence, the ones where fitting in and not being different are so very, very important to kids, the ones that drained and are draining my two older kids and their mom, Jack is HAPPY! This is the work of a loving God answering the prayers of a mother. As I sat in quiet prayer this morning, I felt this is what God was saying to me. He let me know he heard me and he did answer. Perhaps not in the way I had asked, but maybe even better. God has most certainly given Jack challenges. But I am certain God knows these things will strengthen him and make him a better person. It is John and my responsibly to find the right help and guide him so that he can succeed at this. But God has also protected this child's self confidence and emotional well being as evidenced by what a happy and easy going kid he is.
We continue to walk an unknown road in our quest to help him succeed academically (isn't all of life an unknown road?). There are some pretty intimidating decisions to be made and I would be lying if I didn't say I wasn't extremely anxious over all of it. I equate this feeling to spinning headfirst, eyes closed into the unknown. It is very unsettling… UNTIL I remember WHO will catch me, who will protect me and who will guide me (and John, though he seems to have an innate sense that things will be good. God perhaps?).
And then I am certain that Jack will be just fine.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Dig
This post is for my brother, Joe, who needs something to read. Or some "inspiration", as he puts it. He is beginning the wild journey of ultra marathon training and is going for the big one out of the gate. He has set his sights on running the Burning River 100 in 2015. He's kind of starting at ground zero. In fact, I think he's starting underground. Yikes! Actually, to his credit, he isn't starting, he did that over a month ago. He's continuing and I believe he is absolutely going to pull it off.
First, however, he has to stop smoking. Seriously, Joe. Exactly how much do you think your poor lungs can take when you are asking so much of them and then pouring poison into them simultaneously? If you want your body to perform, you have to take care of it. It can only do so much. And it can do A-MAZING things, but only with consistent and constant care. You are a smart man. You know that. So quit it already. If you already quit, that's awesome and sorry for the public thrashing. Also, no more McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Skyline, etc… Well, occasionally is fine, but not all the time. And Mt. Dew, if you are still drinking that nastiness… yuck. You can have it during the race, but knock it off from now until then. Instead, eat well, brother. LOTS of omega 3s because they help a lot with inflammation of all those soft tissues that take a beating during training, which will be an absolute with all those impending back to back long runs. If you don't know what foods have them, here are a few… eggs, flax seeds, walnuts, pasteur raised meats (grass fed stuff), beans (especially kidney!), salmon. And the list goes on. You can now even buy omega 3 enriched organic milk. And don't say it's too expensive if you are still smoking. Don't even do that with me. So there is a crash course in running nutrition. A basic stripped down version, as there is an overwhelming amount of information out there. This WILL be a big factor in your success or failure at attempting this. Make no mistake, what you eat matters!
Now, back to this post. The title is actually the title of a song that Joe sent me a couple of weeks ago. It's on his running playlist and it is normally not my style of music, but it's really a good song with a catchy tune. But it's the message that Pete Townshend, the singer, is trying to get across that has been unbelievably inspirational to me these past few weeks. So thank you, Joe, for sending it.
Anyone who has ever trained hard to run a race knows the term "dig deep". It means to search within for a source of strength that can carry us to the finish. It is especially important to do this toward the end of a race or work out when physical energy seems all but gone. For some it is the memory of a loved one that provides strength. There are thousands of reasons people find that mysterious, untapped source at the end of a race or hard training session. It is very personal and different for each of us. A very powerful image for me is that of Christ carrying his cross up Calvary Mountain. If you have seen The Passion, you remember him falling and using every last bit of strength to get up. His inspiration for continuing on to his death, was us. His inspiration to get to the top for the finish, was our salvation. Although no shiny medal or race t-shirt awaited him. He knew the ultimate prize, which far surpassed any post race chocolate milk and massage. I have revisited that image countless times in my head during different training cycles and even races (especially Burning River last year) and what a difference it makes! It slaps me back to the reality of how whatever it is I am doing at the moment pales in comparison. It gives me strength and cause to continue.
But one doesn't have to be training or racing to have the need to dig deep. Life in general requires that quite often. I am training to run the JFK 50 with one of my running group friends. This will be her first ultra distance event and she is going to be awesome. I'm not just saying that either. Seriously, I am beginning to think of all my excuses of why she beat me come race day in November. Sondra is an incredible runner. The annoying kind who seems to require no effort when doing 12 mile pace runs. She has brought me to a new and different level of running fitness… even after all these years of training for marathons and ultras. This is different. This has been an awesome combination of a new kind of strength training (tabata… look it up. Holy cow!), nutrition and running workouts that I both dread and love. I am probably close to my peak running fitness. It is wonderful.
It is also absolutely exhausting. Yes, I choose to do this. No one is making me. But DAMN, it's hard. Maybe that is the appeal. I am also moving and trying to raise kids, two of which are teenagers. Digging deep has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I have my two "littles", 8 and 11 year olds, who also need mom in a different way (funny how my "little" kids are not really so little anymore. I used to think 8 and 11 year olds were big kids… WAHHHH!). Then there are my 15 and 13 year olds, who are awesome. They are truly wonderful people who will one day make incredible adults. At least I keep telling myself that :) But I'm finding they are stupid. Teenagers are just stupid and you cannot tell them anything. They make stupid choices, do stupid things (like make their mom cry and keep her up at night worrying about stuff and forget that she is tired and training a lot and trying to friggin move!). They are also self centered and darn me for forgetting the world revolves around their schedules. And before I continue on, I have to stop and say, MOM… I am SOOOO sorry for my once stupid teenage self!
Yes, these days, digging deep has many meanings. In training, I dig deep to hang for a hard workout or finish up a very long run. In mothering, I dig deep to find God's voice guiding my words and my actions as they relate to my children. My own words are not good words. They are actually cuss words. So I need God in a way I never have to help me mother these very stupid children and turn them into smart adults. I need Him to also give me the words to soothe a wounded 13 year old girl, who's confidence and self esteem are shaken from careless and mean words of her peers, also stupid teenagers. I also need to dig deep to get myself out of my own self-centeredness when it comes to complaining about day to day life. Complaining about how stressful moving is (how blest we are!), complaining about my kids (how healthy are beautiful they are!), complaining about training exhaustion (how uninjured and running strong I am!).
Yes, God has given me a beautiful, full life. It's a shame that some days I have to dig deep to thank Him.
Here is the song I am referring to. I hope you can access it here. It's never easy to copy and paste from youtube on here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As-SmW0E0cc
First, however, he has to stop smoking. Seriously, Joe. Exactly how much do you think your poor lungs can take when you are asking so much of them and then pouring poison into them simultaneously? If you want your body to perform, you have to take care of it. It can only do so much. And it can do A-MAZING things, but only with consistent and constant care. You are a smart man. You know that. So quit it already. If you already quit, that's awesome and sorry for the public thrashing. Also, no more McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Skyline, etc… Well, occasionally is fine, but not all the time. And Mt. Dew, if you are still drinking that nastiness… yuck. You can have it during the race, but knock it off from now until then. Instead, eat well, brother. LOTS of omega 3s because they help a lot with inflammation of all those soft tissues that take a beating during training, which will be an absolute with all those impending back to back long runs. If you don't know what foods have them, here are a few… eggs, flax seeds, walnuts, pasteur raised meats (grass fed stuff), beans (especially kidney!), salmon. And the list goes on. You can now even buy omega 3 enriched organic milk. And don't say it's too expensive if you are still smoking. Don't even do that with me. So there is a crash course in running nutrition. A basic stripped down version, as there is an overwhelming amount of information out there. This WILL be a big factor in your success or failure at attempting this. Make no mistake, what you eat matters!
Now, back to this post. The title is actually the title of a song that Joe sent me a couple of weeks ago. It's on his running playlist and it is normally not my style of music, but it's really a good song with a catchy tune. But it's the message that Pete Townshend, the singer, is trying to get across that has been unbelievably inspirational to me these past few weeks. So thank you, Joe, for sending it.
Anyone who has ever trained hard to run a race knows the term "dig deep". It means to search within for a source of strength that can carry us to the finish. It is especially important to do this toward the end of a race or work out when physical energy seems all but gone. For some it is the memory of a loved one that provides strength. There are thousands of reasons people find that mysterious, untapped source at the end of a race or hard training session. It is very personal and different for each of us. A very powerful image for me is that of Christ carrying his cross up Calvary Mountain. If you have seen The Passion, you remember him falling and using every last bit of strength to get up. His inspiration for continuing on to his death, was us. His inspiration to get to the top for the finish, was our salvation. Although no shiny medal or race t-shirt awaited him. He knew the ultimate prize, which far surpassed any post race chocolate milk and massage. I have revisited that image countless times in my head during different training cycles and even races (especially Burning River last year) and what a difference it makes! It slaps me back to the reality of how whatever it is I am doing at the moment pales in comparison. It gives me strength and cause to continue.
But one doesn't have to be training or racing to have the need to dig deep. Life in general requires that quite often. I am training to run the JFK 50 with one of my running group friends. This will be her first ultra distance event and she is going to be awesome. I'm not just saying that either. Seriously, I am beginning to think of all my excuses of why she beat me come race day in November. Sondra is an incredible runner. The annoying kind who seems to require no effort when doing 12 mile pace runs. She has brought me to a new and different level of running fitness… even after all these years of training for marathons and ultras. This is different. This has been an awesome combination of a new kind of strength training (tabata… look it up. Holy cow!), nutrition and running workouts that I both dread and love. I am probably close to my peak running fitness. It is wonderful.
It is also absolutely exhausting. Yes, I choose to do this. No one is making me. But DAMN, it's hard. Maybe that is the appeal. I am also moving and trying to raise kids, two of which are teenagers. Digging deep has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I have my two "littles", 8 and 11 year olds, who also need mom in a different way (funny how my "little" kids are not really so little anymore. I used to think 8 and 11 year olds were big kids… WAHHHH!). Then there are my 15 and 13 year olds, who are awesome. They are truly wonderful people who will one day make incredible adults. At least I keep telling myself that :) But I'm finding they are stupid. Teenagers are just stupid and you cannot tell them anything. They make stupid choices, do stupid things (like make their mom cry and keep her up at night worrying about stuff and forget that she is tired and training a lot and trying to friggin move!). They are also self centered and darn me for forgetting the world revolves around their schedules. And before I continue on, I have to stop and say, MOM… I am SOOOO sorry for my once stupid teenage self!
Yes, these days, digging deep has many meanings. In training, I dig deep to hang for a hard workout or finish up a very long run. In mothering, I dig deep to find God's voice guiding my words and my actions as they relate to my children. My own words are not good words. They are actually cuss words. So I need God in a way I never have to help me mother these very stupid children and turn them into smart adults. I need Him to also give me the words to soothe a wounded 13 year old girl, who's confidence and self esteem are shaken from careless and mean words of her peers, also stupid teenagers. I also need to dig deep to get myself out of my own self-centeredness when it comes to complaining about day to day life. Complaining about how stressful moving is (how blest we are!), complaining about my kids (how healthy are beautiful they are!), complaining about training exhaustion (how uninjured and running strong I am!).
Yes, God has given me a beautiful, full life. It's a shame that some days I have to dig deep to thank Him.
Here is the song I am referring to. I hope you can access it here. It's never easy to copy and paste from youtube on here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As-SmW0E0cc
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
The time has come!
It's been awhile since I've sat down to do this. I've thought about sitting down to write so often, but one of two things always happens… first, I get interrupted or second, distracted. It is the second reason that I sit down to write (type) this post. Here is the nutshell version:
I am so damn tired of living in a distracted and moody state that I have decided to rid myself of any type of social media for good. Not just temporarily. Not just for now. For good.
Now the typical, drawn out, genetically predisposed "Corey" version:
For starters, this is not a "lesson". I am not writing to voice my arrogance or for neediness for others to agree with me. I am not writing so people fluff me with complements or learn any sort of life lesson from me. I am overloaded with articles and blogs like that daily and I've resorted to rolling my eyes. See what I mean by my nutshell version? I am writing because it brings me joy. A joy I have for so long gone without because I'm too busy with things that fill my head with garbage and bust my good moods (BTW, B… your post yesterday was awesome and brought me extreme joy and as always, Aleisa's do too :).
I have been toying with leaving social media (Facebook) for a long time. I know that it is a big time waster and can be overly addicting for me. I will acknowledge what my sister pointed out yesterday…it keeps my very large extended family connected in a way we never were before. I'm closer to my cousins now more than I ever was and I get to see pictures of my growing nieces and nephews often. There are posts and pictures that make me laugh daily. I can wish someone a happy birthday and when Nora was alive, I knew when something went wrong by her mother's prayer requests. I don't watch the news or read the paper so it was through FB that I learned of Pope Francis's family tragedy yesterday and added him, and them, to my prayers today. These are all wonderful ways to use Facebook and social media in general and why I struggle to come to the decision to exit this virtual world. Also, I think my kids are damn cute and I think all 400 plus of my "friends" need to see them!
But then there is the dark side of Facebook for ME.
When I look at my attitude about others and life in general, there has been a definite shift over the last 6 years. Oh it has been subtle, but it is large scale. I was born an optimistic and happy person. Ask my parents… I was a delightful and happy child (miserably bad teen) and grew into a generally happy adult. But when I step back and evaluate a day in my life now, I see a cynical and negative outlook that I can only attribute to adopting from how I see others lives displayed through social media. It isn't THEIR fault. It's mine. Let's face it, people put their best selves forward in public. And when I KNOW it's fake, it enrages me. But WHY? Why the heck should I care what hat someone else decides to wear for the whole world to see? I don't know. I really don't. But I do.
That is not all though. There are people I like a lot, or I should say did like, before FB. Now it's all I can do to shake my head and mutter "asshole" when they post their political or religious (or lack their of in this case) views by copying and pasting them on the homepage. These things are posted as gospel or proof of their point when they come from sources like Huffington Post or Buzzfeed. So I leave my computer in a rotten mood and pissed off at the poor misguided soul who posted. And who, by the way, lives across the country and could give a rats ass. So who loses? Him? Nope. I do and so does my family. People will say, "Well there is an unfriend button!" What?? Wait a minute. No, I am not going to go through my friends list "unfriending" people. Just the word "unfriend" is wrong and mean. It is the opposite of how we are supposed to live, right? If you happen to friend someone who is obscene and rude or extra stupid, just block their posts. It's quite easy really. Seriously, I'd have like 10 friends if I "unfriended" everyone who annoyed me. The exceptions are Pope Francis and Fr. Robert Jack (he's cynical and cracks me up and super spot on) and my Uncle Buzz. There are a few others too, but I can't remember (uh, anyone who corners me and asks :) The rest of y'all? Annoying.
The bad is outweighing the good in my case and I thank God for the wisdom to help me see this. Though my faith has grown by leaps and bounds through the years, my soul is (and always will be) in need of some desperate work. And no doubt, the devil is hard at work in this case and is very sly… making me think I NEED to keep up on current events in the lives of my family (HELLO?? Telephone call, anyone?) and friends. That is the lure used to keep me chained to social media, which in turn also allows me to also see things that make me angry and unkind or tempt me to make fun of people who are just dumb on Facebook. God certainly did not create me to be that person. I no longer want to spend lunches with friends, long runs or precious alone time with my husband talking about the stupidity or what I think is the sad or fake lives of others. So screw you, Satan. Game over.
I think I will make it in my new caveman world of simple texts and phone calls. I will admit that it will be really hard for me to do this as I love to scroll down the FB homepage and take a peek at the lives (real or fake) of others. And if I have a super cute picture of my kids, I'll text it to one of my sisters to post their GORGEOUS nieces and nephews.
PS… John, totally hitting that grocery store now like I said I was…
I am so damn tired of living in a distracted and moody state that I have decided to rid myself of any type of social media for good. Not just temporarily. Not just for now. For good.
Now the typical, drawn out, genetically predisposed "Corey" version:
For starters, this is not a "lesson". I am not writing to voice my arrogance or for neediness for others to agree with me. I am not writing so people fluff me with complements or learn any sort of life lesson from me. I am overloaded with articles and blogs like that daily and I've resorted to rolling my eyes. See what I mean by my nutshell version? I am writing because it brings me joy. A joy I have for so long gone without because I'm too busy with things that fill my head with garbage and bust my good moods (BTW, B… your post yesterday was awesome and brought me extreme joy and as always, Aleisa's do too :).
I have been toying with leaving social media (Facebook) for a long time. I know that it is a big time waster and can be overly addicting for me. I will acknowledge what my sister pointed out yesterday…it keeps my very large extended family connected in a way we never were before. I'm closer to my cousins now more than I ever was and I get to see pictures of my growing nieces and nephews often. There are posts and pictures that make me laugh daily. I can wish someone a happy birthday and when Nora was alive, I knew when something went wrong by her mother's prayer requests. I don't watch the news or read the paper so it was through FB that I learned of Pope Francis's family tragedy yesterday and added him, and them, to my prayers today. These are all wonderful ways to use Facebook and social media in general and why I struggle to come to the decision to exit this virtual world. Also, I think my kids are damn cute and I think all 400 plus of my "friends" need to see them!
But then there is the dark side of Facebook for ME.
When I look at my attitude about others and life in general, there has been a definite shift over the last 6 years. Oh it has been subtle, but it is large scale. I was born an optimistic and happy person. Ask my parents… I was a delightful and happy child (miserably bad teen) and grew into a generally happy adult. But when I step back and evaluate a day in my life now, I see a cynical and negative outlook that I can only attribute to adopting from how I see others lives displayed through social media. It isn't THEIR fault. It's mine. Let's face it, people put their best selves forward in public. And when I KNOW it's fake, it enrages me. But WHY? Why the heck should I care what hat someone else decides to wear for the whole world to see? I don't know. I really don't. But I do.
That is not all though. There are people I like a lot, or I should say did like, before FB. Now it's all I can do to shake my head and mutter "asshole" when they post their political or religious (or lack their of in this case) views by copying and pasting them on the homepage. These things are posted as gospel or proof of their point when they come from sources like Huffington Post or Buzzfeed. So I leave my computer in a rotten mood and pissed off at the poor misguided soul who posted. And who, by the way, lives across the country and could give a rats ass. So who loses? Him? Nope. I do and so does my family. People will say, "Well there is an unfriend button!" What?? Wait a minute. No, I am not going to go through my friends list "unfriending" people. Just the word "unfriend" is wrong and mean. It is the opposite of how we are supposed to live, right? If you happen to friend someone who is obscene and rude or extra stupid, just block their posts. It's quite easy really. Seriously, I'd have like 10 friends if I "unfriended" everyone who annoyed me. The exceptions are Pope Francis and Fr. Robert Jack (he's cynical and cracks me up and super spot on) and my Uncle Buzz. There are a few others too, but I can't remember (uh, anyone who corners me and asks :) The rest of y'all? Annoying.
The bad is outweighing the good in my case and I thank God for the wisdom to help me see this. Though my faith has grown by leaps and bounds through the years, my soul is (and always will be) in need of some desperate work. And no doubt, the devil is hard at work in this case and is very sly… making me think I NEED to keep up on current events in the lives of my family (HELLO?? Telephone call, anyone?) and friends. That is the lure used to keep me chained to social media, which in turn also allows me to also see things that make me angry and unkind or tempt me to make fun of people who are just dumb on Facebook. God certainly did not create me to be that person. I no longer want to spend lunches with friends, long runs or precious alone time with my husband talking about the stupidity or what I think is the sad or fake lives of others. So screw you, Satan. Game over.
I think I will make it in my new caveman world of simple texts and phone calls. I will admit that it will be really hard for me to do this as I love to scroll down the FB homepage and take a peek at the lives (real or fake) of others. And if I have a super cute picture of my kids, I'll text it to one of my sisters to post their GORGEOUS nieces and nephews.
PS… John, totally hitting that grocery store now like I said I was…
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Let's Pretend
Let's pretend that God doesn't exist, but that I live as He does.
So here is what I suspect would happen. I choose to live my life as a faithful servant of God (who really does not exist). I choose to believe with all my heart that He does and that the Ten Commandments really are His rules for us to live by. I choose to fear judgement day every time I fail to act in accordance with those commandments and ask for forgiveness and trust in His mercy when I am sincere. And I choose to do that not only because I fear judgement, but because I love God and don't want to hurt Him. I screw up over and over every day and never stop believing in God's forgiveness and mercy and never stop seeking it.
So then I get old. I mean, really old. I am running along one day at the age of 95 (yep, still running!). I feel some pain in my chest and down my left arm. I get really dizzy and I realize, this is the end. I then fall down and die. From then on, I know nothing. God does not exist, but I don't care that I lived as though He did because I am dead. Gone. Kaput. I certainly don't feel duped or snowed… because I'm dead. My family buries me (or as I have requested, spread my ashes along the Boston Marathon course so at least I FINALLY can say I was on it. Even though I won't care because I'm dead and know nothing). My body rots and eventually disintegrates into dust. Only bones are left. Who cares? Won't bother me. I am dead. No soul, no nothing. I regret nothing. Because I am nothing. I simply, am not.
But God does exist. And suppose I live as though He does not or that it does not matter that He does.
And I'm running along at the age of 95 and fall down dead from a heart attack. And everything I chose to cast away as fairy tale or fantasy in regard to the existence of God suddenly matters more than anything ever did. It will determine where I spend eternity.
That's a HUGE problem. Not a risk I'm willing to take.
Live as though God exists. Because He does and it matters more than anything in life every will.
So here is what I suspect would happen. I choose to live my life as a faithful servant of God (who really does not exist). I choose to believe with all my heart that He does and that the Ten Commandments really are His rules for us to live by. I choose to fear judgement day every time I fail to act in accordance with those commandments and ask for forgiveness and trust in His mercy when I am sincere. And I choose to do that not only because I fear judgement, but because I love God and don't want to hurt Him. I screw up over and over every day and never stop believing in God's forgiveness and mercy and never stop seeking it.
So then I get old. I mean, really old. I am running along one day at the age of 95 (yep, still running!). I feel some pain in my chest and down my left arm. I get really dizzy and I realize, this is the end. I then fall down and die. From then on, I know nothing. God does not exist, but I don't care that I lived as though He did because I am dead. Gone. Kaput. I certainly don't feel duped or snowed… because I'm dead. My family buries me (or as I have requested, spread my ashes along the Boston Marathon course so at least I FINALLY can say I was on it. Even though I won't care because I'm dead and know nothing). My body rots and eventually disintegrates into dust. Only bones are left. Who cares? Won't bother me. I am dead. No soul, no nothing. I regret nothing. Because I am nothing. I simply, am not.
But God does exist. And suppose I live as though He does not or that it does not matter that He does.
And I'm running along at the age of 95 and fall down dead from a heart attack. And everything I chose to cast away as fairy tale or fantasy in regard to the existence of God suddenly matters more than anything ever did. It will determine where I spend eternity.
That's a HUGE problem. Not a risk I'm willing to take.
Live as though God exists. Because He does and it matters more than anything in life every will.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Meb vs. Ryan according to stupid people
Unless you live under a rock, by now you know that American elite runner, Meb Keflezighi, won the Boston Marathon last Monday on Patriots Day. And unless you also live under a rock, I'm sure you've heard about how Ryan Hall may have somehow played a part in his victory. And regardless of whether you think Hall deserves a little bit of credit or you think he is a pompous ass, I'd like to pose one question… how many people actually know the stories and have followed the careers of these two American elite runners? How many of people know their race histories, amazing victories, devastating setbacks and relationship as training partners and friends? For those that don't, a judgement on either of these men based on media coverage that only skims the surface of who they are beyond Boston 2014, doesn't carry much weight (in my opinion).
What prompted this post was an interview posted by Competitor Running, a site I follow and frequent on Facebook. In listening to Bob Babbitt interview Hall, I can see how Hall comes across a bit arrogant at times, but he also had a lot of validity to what he was saying. In other words, because I've read much of Hall's autobiography, I can hear his personality come through (not trying to act like I know the guy, but reading someone's story gives you insight into the way they think and act). The comments under the posting infuriated me, mostly because people thought Hall was taking credit for Meb's victory. NO, he was NOT! Meb ran a fantastic race and deserved every bit of that win. He was strategic and in top shape. His race was executed precisely as he had planned and probably visualized over and over in training. Meb Keflezighi was the sole first place winner of the Boston Marathon.
But Ryan Hall did help his friend. No one can say that Meb wouldn't have won anyway. He likely would have. No one will ever know. But to bash and make such hateful comments such as "Ryan Hall is an ass. Dude hasn't run a good race in over 2 years. Showed his true colors when he pulled out of the London Olympics. He needs to just go away.", shows how absolutely stupid people are when they dare to publicly comment on what they DON'T know.
Ryan Hall holds the fastest American record for the marathon at 2:04 (and change). Meb's PR was in Boston, 3 minutes and 59 seconds slower than Hall's PR. But Ryan has never won a major marathon and Meb has. Place is what gets you the win when racing… any race. That is a fact. Therefore, many people have commented that time doesn't matter and the better runner is the one that gets the higher place and therefore, Meb is better than Ryan. Oh is that so? I am certain I have placed higher in shorter (or longer distance) races than some people that have qualified for Boston. And those people with qualifying times have been able to participate in the Boston Marathon. But my place in any race did not get me into Boston. And hypothetically, even if I had won a marathon on a Boston qualifying marathon course with a 4 hour time (because there were only 3 runners :), I would not be going to Boston. My time, and time only, will get me there.
So that argument is really, really stupid.
I have followed the careers of both these men. They are both top notch, exceptional athletes as well as men of stellar character. They are both devout Christians, which again, if one knew that, he wouldn't be commenting that "Hall only does things for his own glory. No one else." Dear God, idiot, read something about him or perhaps visit the Hall Foundation website and then see what a stupid comment that is! This is a man whom his teammates respect. Otherwise, why would they listen to him on the race course? If I had trained my butt off and was in the lead pack in Boston and was running with some guy who was only in it for himself, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell I would waste a second even considering his suggestions. But they did. And one of the lead Americans, Nicholas Arciniaga, said this:
“So we kept it slow. I don’t know if that did anything to help. But those guys had to work to catch Meb. I think Ryan was really smart to (think to) be able to say that (in the middle of the race).”
Doesn't sound like a bitter and bullied runner to me! Sounds like he knows and respects Hall's character and opinions and therefore, CHOSE to follow his advice.
In 2007, after the New York olympic trials marathon, Meb was crawling around his hotel room as the result of a hip fracture that denied him a spot in the olympics that year. He couldn't walk and had also just learned that another training partner and elite runner, Ryan Shay, had dropped dead on the course. He described that as the "low point in my career". So what did he do? He describes a moment when he just cried and prayed and said, "God, if you want me to continue doing this… which I believe you have called me to do…then help me see that. Otherwise, make it clear that I need to retire." No wonder I got choked up watching him break the tape 7 years later in Boston. And this was not just any year. I know exactly why Meb Keflezighi won that race. And so does he. In everything that happens to him from the tragic to the glorious, he turns to God. His day was coming and he trusted that and at 38 years old, an age that is tough to compete at this level, he pulled off the seemingly impossible in the most meaningful Boston Marathon in history.
As for Hall, who hasn't had low points in their careers? Running is a career for Hall and like Meb, Ryan feels that God called him to run starting in the 8th grade. Part of being so devoted to the Lord is learning to keep that faith alive and strong during some very difficult times. It is easy to love and praise God when life is easy and we are winning. It's a whole other story when life is hard. I do believe it is the most faithful that are tested far more than the luke warm. And so it is also obvious to me why such an amazing athlete like Ryan Hall has had a couple of pretty miserable years. He has been riddled with injuries and has had to pull from many races. He had high hopes for Boston and was so disappointed with his performance. But knowing what I have learned about Ryan Hall, I do not believe for one minute he is taking the glory of this race from Meb. And I believe very much that he tried hard to sacrifice a bit (once he knew he didn't have it in him that day to win or come close) so that an American, one that he loves and respects, could win.
I hope that this ridiculous attack against Ryan Hall stops soon. While everyone is entitled to an opinion, it is much easier to put credence into the opinion of someone who knows what these guys are about on a personal level. And they are both wonderful guys and A-MAZING athletes.
See? All my reading and stalking the elites isn't so futile after all :)
What prompted this post was an interview posted by Competitor Running, a site I follow and frequent on Facebook. In listening to Bob Babbitt interview Hall, I can see how Hall comes across a bit arrogant at times, but he also had a lot of validity to what he was saying. In other words, because I've read much of Hall's autobiography, I can hear his personality come through (not trying to act like I know the guy, but reading someone's story gives you insight into the way they think and act). The comments under the posting infuriated me, mostly because people thought Hall was taking credit for Meb's victory. NO, he was NOT! Meb ran a fantastic race and deserved every bit of that win. He was strategic and in top shape. His race was executed precisely as he had planned and probably visualized over and over in training. Meb Keflezighi was the sole first place winner of the Boston Marathon.
But Ryan Hall did help his friend. No one can say that Meb wouldn't have won anyway. He likely would have. No one will ever know. But to bash and make such hateful comments such as "Ryan Hall is an ass. Dude hasn't run a good race in over 2 years. Showed his true colors when he pulled out of the London Olympics. He needs to just go away.", shows how absolutely stupid people are when they dare to publicly comment on what they DON'T know.
Ryan Hall holds the fastest American record for the marathon at 2:04 (and change). Meb's PR was in Boston, 3 minutes and 59 seconds slower than Hall's PR. But Ryan has never won a major marathon and Meb has. Place is what gets you the win when racing… any race. That is a fact. Therefore, many people have commented that time doesn't matter and the better runner is the one that gets the higher place and therefore, Meb is better than Ryan. Oh is that so? I am certain I have placed higher in shorter (or longer distance) races than some people that have qualified for Boston. And those people with qualifying times have been able to participate in the Boston Marathon. But my place in any race did not get me into Boston. And hypothetically, even if I had won a marathon on a Boston qualifying marathon course with a 4 hour time (because there were only 3 runners :), I would not be going to Boston. My time, and time only, will get me there.
So that argument is really, really stupid.
I have followed the careers of both these men. They are both top notch, exceptional athletes as well as men of stellar character. They are both devout Christians, which again, if one knew that, he wouldn't be commenting that "Hall only does things for his own glory. No one else." Dear God, idiot, read something about him or perhaps visit the Hall Foundation website and then see what a stupid comment that is! This is a man whom his teammates respect. Otherwise, why would they listen to him on the race course? If I had trained my butt off and was in the lead pack in Boston and was running with some guy who was only in it for himself, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell I would waste a second even considering his suggestions. But they did. And one of the lead Americans, Nicholas Arciniaga, said this:
“So we kept it slow. I don’t know if that did anything to help. But those guys had to work to catch Meb. I think Ryan was really smart to (think to) be able to say that (in the middle of the race).”
Doesn't sound like a bitter and bullied runner to me! Sounds like he knows and respects Hall's character and opinions and therefore, CHOSE to follow his advice.
In 2007, after the New York olympic trials marathon, Meb was crawling around his hotel room as the result of a hip fracture that denied him a spot in the olympics that year. He couldn't walk and had also just learned that another training partner and elite runner, Ryan Shay, had dropped dead on the course. He described that as the "low point in my career". So what did he do? He describes a moment when he just cried and prayed and said, "God, if you want me to continue doing this… which I believe you have called me to do…then help me see that. Otherwise, make it clear that I need to retire." No wonder I got choked up watching him break the tape 7 years later in Boston. And this was not just any year. I know exactly why Meb Keflezighi won that race. And so does he. In everything that happens to him from the tragic to the glorious, he turns to God. His day was coming and he trusted that and at 38 years old, an age that is tough to compete at this level, he pulled off the seemingly impossible in the most meaningful Boston Marathon in history.
As for Hall, who hasn't had low points in their careers? Running is a career for Hall and like Meb, Ryan feels that God called him to run starting in the 8th grade. Part of being so devoted to the Lord is learning to keep that faith alive and strong during some very difficult times. It is easy to love and praise God when life is easy and we are winning. It's a whole other story when life is hard. I do believe it is the most faithful that are tested far more than the luke warm. And so it is also obvious to me why such an amazing athlete like Ryan Hall has had a couple of pretty miserable years. He has been riddled with injuries and has had to pull from many races. He had high hopes for Boston and was so disappointed with his performance. But knowing what I have learned about Ryan Hall, I do not believe for one minute he is taking the glory of this race from Meb. And I believe very much that he tried hard to sacrifice a bit (once he knew he didn't have it in him that day to win or come close) so that an American, one that he loves and respects, could win.
I hope that this ridiculous attack against Ryan Hall stops soon. While everyone is entitled to an opinion, it is much easier to put credence into the opinion of someone who knows what these guys are about on a personal level. And they are both wonderful guys and A-MAZING athletes.
See? All my reading and stalking the elites isn't so futile after all :)
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
It sucked!
When I started this blog in 2010, it was a way for me to do something I love (write), as well as a fun way to show the progression of one's mind and body in the process of going after a goal such as qualifying for the Boston marathon. While writing for some is a painful and mundane act, for others it is an outlet… a source of therapy, if you will, much like running. I guess I am crazy enough to need both types of therapy. I can honestly say I didn't expect to still be blogging about this 4 1/2 years later, that's for sure. If you would have asked me back then, I would have guessed a year, tops. I figured I'd have a couple of Boston Marathons under my belt by now. Heck, it would be an annual event like it is for so many of Boston's participants!
I sit here dumbfounded that it has not happened. I sit here, still in shock over the horrible race that came from the Athen's Marathon.
I don't want to recap Sunday. I did in an email to my running group, who tracked our progress throughout the race, but that is as far as I want to go with it. From start to finish it was an exhausting battle of mind and body and to that, all I can say is, based on my training and my experience, it should not have been. Yes, it was warm, but the temps were not the only thing affecting the race.
But I do want to touch on something that may be a pressing question to many. Since Saturday's post was about my reliance on God during that race, I fear that many will think that the prayers for a successful race were pointless. Did God answer "yes" to my ever so specific prayers and to the ever so specific prayers of all our wonderful families and friends also praying for us? No, He did not. Could He have made everything perfect? Tweaked my mind? Given strength to my legs? Cooled it down a bit? Of course He could have. He is God. Am a just a wee bit perplexed as to why He didn't? Of course I am. I am human.
But there is a difference between being perplexed and losing faith in God. I always try to remember that we are like children in every sense of the word. We are like the two year old asking for the cookie before dinner. Or the teenager asking to go to an unsupervised party. We say please, use our manners and do everything we are "supposed" to do in hopes of being granted a certain privilege. Because of doing those things, we feel entitled to the reward, i.e.., cookie and party. But our parents know that neither of those things are a good idea, though as a two year old or a teenager (who in my opinion have about the same amount of egocentrism), it seems like the meanest and most unfair thing on earth. After all, what can be so wrong with something that tastes so good or is so fun? Now I am certainly not saying that running a good race since I put in the training and have the physical ability is asking for too much. I am simply trying to drive home the point that my small human mind is not always privy to understanding the incredible and almighty God. Much like a child cannot understand a parent's reasoning.
There are stories, countless stories, of people who have seen God's purpose in life's trials only after something happens. A few people last year said that perhaps there was purpose in me NOT being in Boston in 2013. Who knows where my family would have been waiting for me? Who knows where I would have been? I just don't believe that random things that happen in life are just random. There is a method to God's music. Most of the time we can't handle the fact that we don't know the method.
There is another element to the race that has come into light after some reflection. I wanted to go into the race and make sure I offered up my miles for others. It was the beginning of Holy Week and the beginning of Christ's passion, a time of unimaginable suffering both physically and mentally, though his mental suffering started long before his betrayal and crucifixion. And heck, it worked like a charm at Burning River, where I had a lot of physical suffering but not mental or psychological. And I could handle the physical suffering. Certainly I could get the same results! But as I ran, I struggled… terribly. And I won't lie, much of it was anger and trying to calm that anger. I fought and I fought and I fought for 26.51 miles (because that is how long that f%*k%ng marathon was) with waves of different emotions. From start to finish, it was the greatest challenge, mind and body, I have ever encountered. And though I do not DARE compare that type of suffering to the type that Jesus suffered, I can certainly draw some correlation to what it meant.
What I wanted with that race was to glorify God and run with a thankful heart. I wanted to offer all that I had to give for all of which I have been blessed.
I ran with all that I had, in a vicious battle, mostly mental, for over 4 hours and was left with a race time that was 30 minutes off my goal.
And though I won't know until I die and I hand God a lengthy list of "WTF?" questions for Him to answer, perhaps this race was more glorious than I know.
Have a blessed and safe Easter!
I sit here dumbfounded that it has not happened. I sit here, still in shock over the horrible race that came from the Athen's Marathon.
I don't want to recap Sunday. I did in an email to my running group, who tracked our progress throughout the race, but that is as far as I want to go with it. From start to finish it was an exhausting battle of mind and body and to that, all I can say is, based on my training and my experience, it should not have been. Yes, it was warm, but the temps were not the only thing affecting the race.
But I do want to touch on something that may be a pressing question to many. Since Saturday's post was about my reliance on God during that race, I fear that many will think that the prayers for a successful race were pointless. Did God answer "yes" to my ever so specific prayers and to the ever so specific prayers of all our wonderful families and friends also praying for us? No, He did not. Could He have made everything perfect? Tweaked my mind? Given strength to my legs? Cooled it down a bit? Of course He could have. He is God. Am a just a wee bit perplexed as to why He didn't? Of course I am. I am human.
But there is a difference between being perplexed and losing faith in God. I always try to remember that we are like children in every sense of the word. We are like the two year old asking for the cookie before dinner. Or the teenager asking to go to an unsupervised party. We say please, use our manners and do everything we are "supposed" to do in hopes of being granted a certain privilege. Because of doing those things, we feel entitled to the reward, i.e.., cookie and party. But our parents know that neither of those things are a good idea, though as a two year old or a teenager (who in my opinion have about the same amount of egocentrism), it seems like the meanest and most unfair thing on earth. After all, what can be so wrong with something that tastes so good or is so fun? Now I am certainly not saying that running a good race since I put in the training and have the physical ability is asking for too much. I am simply trying to drive home the point that my small human mind is not always privy to understanding the incredible and almighty God. Much like a child cannot understand a parent's reasoning.
There are stories, countless stories, of people who have seen God's purpose in life's trials only after something happens. A few people last year said that perhaps there was purpose in me NOT being in Boston in 2013. Who knows where my family would have been waiting for me? Who knows where I would have been? I just don't believe that random things that happen in life are just random. There is a method to God's music. Most of the time we can't handle the fact that we don't know the method.
There is another element to the race that has come into light after some reflection. I wanted to go into the race and make sure I offered up my miles for others. It was the beginning of Holy Week and the beginning of Christ's passion, a time of unimaginable suffering both physically and mentally, though his mental suffering started long before his betrayal and crucifixion. And heck, it worked like a charm at Burning River, where I had a lot of physical suffering but not mental or psychological. And I could handle the physical suffering. Certainly I could get the same results! But as I ran, I struggled… terribly. And I won't lie, much of it was anger and trying to calm that anger. I fought and I fought and I fought for 26.51 miles (because that is how long that f%*k%ng marathon was) with waves of different emotions. From start to finish, it was the greatest challenge, mind and body, I have ever encountered. And though I do not DARE compare that type of suffering to the type that Jesus suffered, I can certainly draw some correlation to what it meant.
What I wanted with that race was to glorify God and run with a thankful heart. I wanted to offer all that I had to give for all of which I have been blessed.
I ran with all that I had, in a vicious battle, mostly mental, for over 4 hours and was left with a race time that was 30 minutes off my goal.
And though I won't know until I die and I hand God a lengthy list of "WTF?" questions for Him to answer, perhaps this race was more glorious than I know.
Have a blessed and safe Easter!
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Here we go… again!
Tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow I lace up with two of my friends and we run, no, RACE the Athens, Ohio marathon. I will admit, I am nervous, but appropriately so. It would be odd for me not to be even though I have gotten many well wishes and comments of "You are ready!" "You will crush this!" "Don't worry!", (ha ha… that one is my favorite :). Honestly, my very favorite comment was from Suttan, who I ran with on Thursday morning. We were discussing the weather, which has decided to be very warm (80 degrees). Keep in mind I have mostly trained in freezing and sub freezing temps and there is a phenomenon known as acclimatization. No, it won't be 80 by the 8 am start, but it will most certainly be 70 or so by the almost noon finish.
Anyway, as I voiced my concerns over the temps, sweet Erin tried to dismiss my worries, while Suttan said, "I would be worried too. I would not like that." Now while most people would have looked at her like "How could you say that to this head case??", I so appreciated her validating my concerns and making not feel crazy to be worried because yes, temperatures CAN and DO affect performance. Do I really think they will? No. I think I will do well. But I loved, LOVED that she said that to me. She was still very positive and encouraging. So thanks, Suttan :)
Of course I am nervous. I have toed the line in a quest for a BQ in many races past. I have felt very ready at some of those races. The same thing will happen tomorrow. I will start the race, confident I can get the goal. I am planning a slightly different strategy, however, and I have the utmost wonderful pacer and race partners to run with. My running friend, Greg, will also be running. He is as strong and ready as they come and I cannot wait to race with these two. Sarah will be pacing us. She will also be wearing my Garmin. So I will have no clue what pace I am running throughout the race. She has strict instructions to pace easily in the beginning…. in fact, I hope our first splits reflect a slightly slower time than what I need. The course runs along the river in Athens and is out and back. We run down river on the way back and my hope is to take it easy in the first half and run a nice negative split. I run best that way in training, especially during long runs. So we are mixing thing up and hopefully, we come in right where we want. Keeping my head in check will be the biggest challenge. All the "snap out of it!" advice is not helpful in the least. I am who I am. Yes I have an element of control over which thoughts I choose to let linger in my head, but I also cannot "trick" myself. I'm smarter than that :)
And so, as always, I turn to God, who lovingly whispers, "I got it. Don't worry." I have absolutely no qualms about praying for my race. I don't think it's selfish or unimportant to ask for help with something that is important to me. God LOVES when we rely on Him for everything. I know that if it does not counter His will for me or if there is not, yet again, some lesson to be taken from failure, all will be well. I know this. I also know that if I can't trust God with the little things in my life (and trust me, add perspective in and this is little), then I will never be able to trust Him with the big stuff. So go ahead, pray for your races. Pray for strength, pray for endurance, pray for mental fortitude. God is thrilled when you do and He always shows up! Because spirituality and running are so intertwined with me, I think that the day I am racing is eerily relevant. Tomorrow is Palm Sunday. The gospel will reflect the betrayal and handing over of Jesus to be beaten and ultimately crucified. Certainly reflecting on the significance of tomorrow's gospel will make a difference for me in how I choose to run.
I'm still nervous, though :)
All nerves aside, I have had a great taper. I am well rested and carbed up, though my body is a bit off kilter from all the carbs. I have slept in most days this week… yesterday until 6:30!!! That is huge for me. I must not be THAT nervous if I'm sleeping well. I got to have lunch with my parents yesterday, which was awesome. It isn't too often I get to just sit with them and chat about all sorts of things. Last weekend, they were the main crew (along with my 12 year old nephew) for my brother Jack's 150 mile ultra marathon (sigh). My dad told me the story of how at one point, he and my mom trekked up a muddy, steep hill en route to an aid station. It was around midnight and they had only a small flash light to guide their way. All these runners were going by with high tech head lamps and flashlights. Here they were, climbing with one flash light. When they reached the aid station, the workers and runners all clapped and cheered as they thought my parents were DOING THE RACE! I thought that was hilarious. My parents are 77 and 76. And honestly, the energy it takes to crew an ultra is immense. Here they were, having a blast doing it. My dad describes the scene as a "happy asylum". I got a kick out of that description because he is so right. You have the craziest people on earth who are so kind, encouraging and polite. They are also in the throws of physical misery and exhaustion WHILE being kind, encouraging and polite. It really is no mystery to me why so many are beginning to discover the world of ultra running. The atmosphere at the races is just awesome.
I love that I have these two people as an example of who I want to be like when I get older. My mother was still having babies in her 40s and many years after the youngest is gone, married and mothering her own children, they are off crewing a grueling and difficult race on little sleep. Their description of the experience showed nothing but pure joy and pride for their son, who completed the race. I was very lucky to be born to these people.
Prayers for Greg, Sarah and me greatly appreciated!
Anyway, as I voiced my concerns over the temps, sweet Erin tried to dismiss my worries, while Suttan said, "I would be worried too. I would not like that." Now while most people would have looked at her like "How could you say that to this head case??", I so appreciated her validating my concerns and making not feel crazy to be worried because yes, temperatures CAN and DO affect performance. Do I really think they will? No. I think I will do well. But I loved, LOVED that she said that to me. She was still very positive and encouraging. So thanks, Suttan :)
Of course I am nervous. I have toed the line in a quest for a BQ in many races past. I have felt very ready at some of those races. The same thing will happen tomorrow. I will start the race, confident I can get the goal. I am planning a slightly different strategy, however, and I have the utmost wonderful pacer and race partners to run with. My running friend, Greg, will also be running. He is as strong and ready as they come and I cannot wait to race with these two. Sarah will be pacing us. She will also be wearing my Garmin. So I will have no clue what pace I am running throughout the race. She has strict instructions to pace easily in the beginning…. in fact, I hope our first splits reflect a slightly slower time than what I need. The course runs along the river in Athens and is out and back. We run down river on the way back and my hope is to take it easy in the first half and run a nice negative split. I run best that way in training, especially during long runs. So we are mixing thing up and hopefully, we come in right where we want. Keeping my head in check will be the biggest challenge. All the "snap out of it!" advice is not helpful in the least. I am who I am. Yes I have an element of control over which thoughts I choose to let linger in my head, but I also cannot "trick" myself. I'm smarter than that :)
And so, as always, I turn to God, who lovingly whispers, "I got it. Don't worry." I have absolutely no qualms about praying for my race. I don't think it's selfish or unimportant to ask for help with something that is important to me. God LOVES when we rely on Him for everything. I know that if it does not counter His will for me or if there is not, yet again, some lesson to be taken from failure, all will be well. I know this. I also know that if I can't trust God with the little things in my life (and trust me, add perspective in and this is little), then I will never be able to trust Him with the big stuff. So go ahead, pray for your races. Pray for strength, pray for endurance, pray for mental fortitude. God is thrilled when you do and He always shows up! Because spirituality and running are so intertwined with me, I think that the day I am racing is eerily relevant. Tomorrow is Palm Sunday. The gospel will reflect the betrayal and handing over of Jesus to be beaten and ultimately crucified. Certainly reflecting on the significance of tomorrow's gospel will make a difference for me in how I choose to run.
I'm still nervous, though :)
All nerves aside, I have had a great taper. I am well rested and carbed up, though my body is a bit off kilter from all the carbs. I have slept in most days this week… yesterday until 6:30!!! That is huge for me. I must not be THAT nervous if I'm sleeping well. I got to have lunch with my parents yesterday, which was awesome. It isn't too often I get to just sit with them and chat about all sorts of things. Last weekend, they were the main crew (along with my 12 year old nephew) for my brother Jack's 150 mile ultra marathon (sigh). My dad told me the story of how at one point, he and my mom trekked up a muddy, steep hill en route to an aid station. It was around midnight and they had only a small flash light to guide their way. All these runners were going by with high tech head lamps and flashlights. Here they were, climbing with one flash light. When they reached the aid station, the workers and runners all clapped and cheered as they thought my parents were DOING THE RACE! I thought that was hilarious. My parents are 77 and 76. And honestly, the energy it takes to crew an ultra is immense. Here they were, having a blast doing it. My dad describes the scene as a "happy asylum". I got a kick out of that description because he is so right. You have the craziest people on earth who are so kind, encouraging and polite. They are also in the throws of physical misery and exhaustion WHILE being kind, encouraging and polite. It really is no mystery to me why so many are beginning to discover the world of ultra running. The atmosphere at the races is just awesome.
I love that I have these two people as an example of who I want to be like when I get older. My mother was still having babies in her 40s and many years after the youngest is gone, married and mothering her own children, they are off crewing a grueling and difficult race on little sleep. Their description of the experience showed nothing but pure joy and pride for their son, who completed the race. I was very lucky to be born to these people.
Prayers for Greg, Sarah and me greatly appreciated!
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