Love is..

I am SURE you have heard the question over and over "What is love?", and a million and a half cheesy explanations for this thing you cannot touch, but only feel.  And I don't think I've ever had the desire to sit down and actually define MY definition of.  But this morning, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I finally can honestly define what love is.   So here goes.... love in my terms.

Love is:

Missing my morning run due to ice when I already feel fat and the scale has not so nicely confirmed it.  Going back to bed for two hours and waking up to breakfast made by Jack and Lucy, even though I carbed up pretty good a few hours earlier in anticipation of a killer morning long run.  Proceeding to eat EVERY BITE of a very salty omelet, cereal with 2% milk and a large cup of extremely weak, luke warm coffee with a pound of whipped cream on top (I think Jack pushes the "brew" button twice on the Keurig when he makes me coffee and it runs through the same pack of coffee... gosh that shit is WEAK).  And when I say every bite, I do mean it.  And I did it because two faces were sitting there watching and smiling and anticipating my reaction.  Kairos time/moment.

John I hope this makes you smile.  I know you only read my blogs at work and Monday is not your favorite day of the week.

Oh HILL!

I am going to tackle the subject of hill running in this post.  Two things are motivating me to do so (ok three... I'm buying time until coffee has settled enough for my morning "recovery" run).  The other two are people.  One is a girl I am currently coaching to run her first half marathon in none other but... the Flying Pig Marathon and the other is... well, she knows who she is.  She reads this blog, she hates hill running and oh, btw, she too is running the Flying Pig Marathon and using it as a Boston Qualifier.

So there it is.  Right off the bat, these two lovely ladies have a disadvantage going into their races.  It's not a physical disadvantage.  Or a disadvantage in the sense of inadequate training.  It is a disadvantage because they have labeled themselves as runners who hate hills and the self fulfilling prophecy WILL surface during that race.  And that three mile incline threatens to be the demise of their race day goals, unless they change their attitude about hill running.

I like running hills.  Let's clarify... running hills is not enjoyable.  It does not feel good to me.  Going uphill hurts and is often very, VERY difficult, especially when it's a quarter mile steep climb immediately into the run... so essentially, your warm up (think Carolina Pines Drive or West Road, Harrison runners...).  But I have learned to view hill running in a very different light.  First off, I can't worry about pace while running uphill.  I think more about strategy and how to tackle the task at hand.  I already know I'm not going to hit race pace while running a steep uphill and if I try, I know I'm screwing myself for the end miles of my run (unless the actual workout is hill repeats).  Secondly, I already know it's temporary.  There is relief at the top.  I can do anything for 2 minutes or 3 minutes or whatever.  Then I get to recover.  Again, I rarely think beyond the hill.  This sounds so simple, but yet has worked wonders in getting me to change the way I think of hills.  Finally, I know that running hills aids in becoming a faster and stronger runner.  Now I realize that just because it sounds simple, doesn't mean adopting a new attitude is simple.  But when you do, your training and enthusiasm will explode.... and I realize that sounds flowery and barfingly too positive.. but IT. IS. THE. TRUTH!!  Running hills also helps develop a colorful vocabulary :)

And sure, metaphorically speaking, you can look at running hills like you look at life's challenges.  Yesterday I was smack in the middle of the last hill on Strimple.  It was really hard and I was tired.  I asked Suttan if she wanted me to start yelling out metaphors about how running uphill was symbolic for life's tough times.  Pretty sure she was giving me the 'ol "GFY" in her mind.  I was cracking up in my mind (I was the only one laughing... pretty sure Sarah wasn't laughing).  But it was because I needed SOMETHING to get me up there.  Right then, humor did the trick.  Use whatever mind voodoo works for you.

Let us not forget that this is a choice.  It is not a duty, a responsibility, a job or a life dependent activity.  It is a choice and a gift to be able to train like this.  To be out running on a cold and beautiful morning with friends is one of my most favorite things in life, even if it isn't physically easy on that particular day.  No more grumpy training for me.  Take the choice to train out of your hands and I guarantee you will never look at it the same.  Last year's stress fracture zapped a new perspective into me like nothing else.

Now, who's up for Marvin hill repeats tomorrow at 6:20?

Happy Birthday to my beautiful and amazing mother, who reads my blog and at times must wonder where she went wrong :)  I love you, mom.  Thanks for making it possible for me to run races and do what I love!

Back Peddling

If we write our dreams and goals down, we dramatically increase our odds of realization. If we share them with others, they become potent and alive. --- Kristin Armstrong.



And because of that very true sentence, I will write down my dreams and goals as they are right now.  Sometimes people are afraid to do that.  Heck, sometimes I am afraid to do that.... to share what I'm hoping to do or accomplish in a given time frame.  Because once it's out there, what if it doesn't unfold?  What if I don't get what I'm after?  There is something to be said about the attempt though.


This has been a week of dramatic realization for me.  I know some people struggling with life's sucker punches right now and hard as I have tried, it is impossible to feel even remotely what they are feeling.  I have found myself in a funk after Christmas like so many people often do.  And although January of 2012 has been quite awesome as far as weather goes, particularly for running, it is just always such a dismal month.  I find myself whining more, irritated with kids, salespersons, telemarketers, other drivers, ect.. much more than usual.  It's normal, it's cyclic, but it's got to stop.  Giving control of my emotions to things like what month it may be, is just stupid and a horrible waste of time.  Sarah and I talked about this very thing yesterday while running.  I was telling her about the tragic outcome of a family friend's pregnancy.  Meanwhile, I'm complaining about all kinds of various little insignificant "problems" in my life.  We talked about how unfair it sometimes is that some people get a tremendous amount of burden in life, while others seemingly do not.  I know I've touched on this before and have always felt strongly that as one who has not, there is a great responsibility to ease the pain of those who have, if even by just a small note.  Lately I have been living in a cocoon of selfishness.  Not reaching out to those in need.  I've heard of one tragedy after another... house fires, complicated pregnancies, relationships troubled or crumbling, family pets that have had to be put down... and the list goes on.  These are not just people I hear about, but people in my community, people who are friends.. people who mean something to me.  I have not been unaffected by their problems, but I haven't tripped over myself offering help either.  This bothers me.  Because this is not who am nor who I want to become.  The person that says "Oh jeez, that sucks.  I am really sorry for what you are going through..." and then carries on with my own life.  I have the time to extend myself further, and so I should.


This brings me to the part about putting out there dreams and goals.  Maybe it's turning 40 this year.  Or maybe it's the sadness that surrounds some people that I know.  Or maybe it's KNOWING that I have so much more left than a 50 mile jaunt.  But yes, I would love to attempt... ok, make that FINISH... a 100 mile ultra marathon.  Ok, I KNOW I said that I would never, ever do it (hence the title).  Please don't refer me to my recap of Burning River where I said "NO WAY".  Don't do that.  I am already admitting that I was wrong.  There seems to be this weird sense of needing to challenge myself to get through the hardest thing I've ever done.  And a 100 mile race on foot is much more a mental challenge than it is a physical one (although I expect to physically have the shit beaten out of me). I expect that by a certain mile, I will hate running and everything it stands for.  And if I can give in to the temptation of stopping or quitting and press on, I imagine this will symbolize a strength I unknowingly possess that will come in handy some day when I need to get through any challenge thrown my way.  That is why some people do these extreme tests of physical endurance.  It's certainly not about burning calories or exercise.  It's about getting to the core of who you are when faced with a terrific challenge.  It's about how you handle yourself, how you treat the people around you that are there to help.  When Jack was stripped down to sheer exhaustion and sickness at Burning River, I saw the core of who he was.  Much as I make fun of him for being "Mr. Positive", I can't tell you how much I admire that man.  How much his enthusiasm and thankfulness to all who came out to help him was apparent even during his toughest miles.  Compare that to trying to have a pleasant conversation with yours truly at 9 pm when I'm tired.  Makes me feel pretty pathetic.


So there it is.  Out there in black and white.  My goals (not just for 2012, but for always):  To be more aware and compassionate of the burdens of others and offer help or kindness in any way and to run 100 miles.


Just two goals.  That seems pretty doable.